Jump to content

Just recieved a +...so where's my freaking cookie?!?!

whatkindaluck

By whatkindaluck
in Newly Diagnosed

 Share

Recommended Posts

whatkindaluck Honeycomb Member

whatkindaluck

Posted
Posted

Hiya everyone,

Meh, I swear I'm not an AH (re: my cookie comment), just a little wtf at the whole situation considering how it went down.

See, I'm only 28, but I have not had any sexual contact for 4 years now, of any kind. Some people have a hard time believing this due to my age, but it's just how it's been. I have never been able to just "f*ck", I need some type of connection to the person who I would choose to share my body with. Between school, working, & real life, my social life has basically taken a back seat in priorities. I have dated here and there, but the last 3 men I have dated, nothing ever came of it, because every last one of them turned out to be involved with someone else. I felt before, and in honesty still do that I am important enough to be the ONLY, not a side piece of ass.

Why do I state all of this?

Last Tuesday I slept with someone for the first time in 4 years. IRONICALLY it is the very same person I had slept with 4 years ago, and the year before. So this man has been the ONLY person I have been intimate with for about 5 years now.

The sex was great. Great until two days later I started developing symptoms. When I started feeling the symptoms, I got real comfortable with a mirror, as I knew something totally wasn't right, I have never felt anything like I did that day, and for some great reason, at my age have never even had a yeast infection *knocks on wood, cause my poor kitty just needs a break* (sorry if TMI).

So I am here, cause I couldn't think of anyone else but y'all who knows what it's like to open up with a mirror, and to see those charming little white spots everywhere....and to feel your stomach literally drop out on you.

Friday I went to planned parenthood. I already knew, but I think it was more of a last hope of being proven that I was wrong. Well, this morning I received the phone call that I wasn't.

I have now been on this site for the past 4 hours trying to absorb and learn everything I can. You are all wonderful with your frankness, and I have to be honest in admitting that because of y'all, I think I am actually handling this a lot better than I would have if not for the internet....go figure.

Don't get me wrong though....I am not pleased at all about this. My emotions are doing some major swinging at the moment (well, for a few days now in honesty). One moment...I almost feel like it's just not that big of a deal, especially after reading all of the statistics of population infection, and reading posts by those who have had it long term. I can almost forget for a moment here and there despite having confirmation today. Hell, after what I have read, and SEEN online, apparently I am very fortunate to not had a kickass preliminary OB, it's just really annoying more than anything, but then I get a twing, or a quick sharp pain, then I feel like I just want to throw up on my key board.

I am also really struggling with the concept that in honesty I basically brought this on myself. We were fooling around, I gave him head (now home come I don't have an outbreak on my mouth instead?!?!?!?!?!?!?!...though the vanity in me in saying thank god, though after reading everything today, i know I am not out of the woods.....), and that was all I had intended to do. We didn't have a condom, so i said no sex, because I was paranoid of an STD {educated in the age of HIV, ya know (see, freaking IRONY again!!!!!!) }.

Things just happened so quickly, too quickly. Afterwards, he asked me point blank why I was asking for a condom too?!?!?1 And I answered because it's the responsible thing to do, duh....Yeah, totally blew that one, didn't I.

The saddest part to me, and tell me folks if I am fucked for thinking this, is that I cannot even enjoy the memory of us physically because of the infection, and I am pretty pissed about that, as it had been so long for me.

Now, here is the kicker....are y'all still with me, LOLZ, it's a novel, I know...We are not in a relationship at all. He is a friend, and that is all we will ever be to each other, BUT despite being so pissed at this situation, I cannot imagine or accept that he would have given this to me knowingly.

I have read the forum in depth about having the talk with a new perspective partner, but I need some advice about having the talk with the person who infected you.

I could be a douche, and just ignore him for the rest of my life. Especially as I am moving out of state soon. But at the end of the day, I believe we need to have this conversation, if he doesn't realize he has it, he needs to know for his and potential partners future health, or when I am in a bad emo moment, if he did know, so I can kick his ass properly.

Despite us being friends (we drift in and out of each other's lives), I am really scared about this need to happen convo. I am scared he will assume that it's all me. I am scared that he will not believe my sexual history, but I think despite the fact that I should probably be more angry at the moment (anyone else experience this), I am more scared of him totally writing me off for good. Every scenario of this soon to happen convo is leaving me sick to my stomach. Yeah, yeah, if he blames me, or drops me for good, his loss. The intellect in me knows this, but at the moment, intellect isn't present, I am faced with the reality only.

Those of you who have talked or confronted the person who infected you, how did you go about it? How did the talk itself go, how are the two of you in general after the fact.

And is it totally sick that I am still attracted to this man, and if our convo works out ok, that I would still consider being intimate with him for my remaining time here before I move. Am I supposed to be more furious?

I am praying y'all give me some advice and wisdom :)

So, now that I have it all out...seriously, do I get a cookie ,lol...

And I hereby swear to inform any new partner of my status. Y'all are my witnesses.

Cheers.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Angel Eyes Established Member

Angel Eyes

Posted
Posted

I said

I told my boyfriend (at the time) that "I suggest you go to the doctor and get tested for herpes. My doctor thinks, based on my physical symptoms, I am having a 'primary' herpes outbreak" ....I told my boyfriend I would know for certain when my bloodwork came back....

One thing I didn't do to my ex was blame him right away (even though I knew in my gut I wanted to kill him). My doctor told me that if my bloodwork came back positive, than I had been carrying this and didn't know it. But----it didn't. My bloodwork came back negative....so my doc was right, I had just acquired this. Well, I went and told my now ex, and he was ABNORMALLY calm--- his reaction was not normal AT ALL.

I suggest that you be upfront with him. Seeing as you have been friends on and off for years, hopefully he will be honest with you.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
whatkindaluck Honeycomb Member

whatkindaluck

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Thank you for your input.

My swab test was positive, but blood work was negative, so it's new for me too.

Do you mind if I ask why you two are now exes...was it because of his reaction to you? As in Did he know already?

If that's too much to ask, I totally understand.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
myoulet Honeycomb Member

myoulet

Posted
Posted

I feel just like you.

Despite us being friends (we drift in and out of each other's lives), I am really scared about this need to happen convo. I am scared he will assume that it's all me. I am scared that he will not believe my sexual history, but I think despite the fact that I should probably be more angry at the moment (anyone else experience this), I am more scared of him totally writing me off for good. Every scenario of this soon to happen convo is leaving me sick to my stomach. Yeah, yeah, if he blames me, or drops me for good, his loss. The intellect in me knows this, but at the moment, intellect isn't present, I am faced with the reality only.

I too am in a similar situation, i still have not built upp the courage to ask or tell him that he has infected me b/c im not sure if he knows that he has it. we are in a long distant relationship and plan on seeing each other soon, im hoping i can get it out to him, but my fear is that he will deny or not believe me and possibly mention it to other i know (that would kill me). i havent told anyone and dont want to deal with peoples thoughts of me.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
myoulet Honeycomb Member

myoulet

Posted
Posted

I feel just like you.

Despite us being friends (we drift in and out of each other's lives), I am really scared about this need to happen convo. I am scared he will assume that it's all me. I am scared that he will not believe my sexual history, but I think despite the fact that I should probably be more angry at the moment (anyone else experience this), I am more scared of him totally writing me off for good. Every scenario of this soon to happen convo is leaving me sick to my stomach. Yeah, yeah, if he blames me, or drops me for good, his loss. The intellect in me knows this, but at the moment, intellect isn't present, I am faced with the reality only.

I too am in a similar situation, i still have not built upp the courage to ask or tell him that he has infected me b/c im not sure if he knows that he has it. we are in a long distant relationship and plan on seeing each other soon, im hoping i can get it out to him, but my fear is that he will deny or not believe me and possibly mention it to other i know (that would kill me). i havent told anyone and dont want to deal with peoples thoughts of me.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
myoulet Honeycomb Member

myoulet

Posted
Posted
Despite us being friends (we drift in and out of each other's lives), I am really scared about this need to happen convo. I am scared he will assume that it's all me. I am scared that he will not believe my sexual history, but I think despite the fact that I should probably be more angry at the moment (anyone else experience this), I am more scared of him totally writing me off for good. Every scenario of this soon to happen convo is leaving me sick to my stomach. Yeah, yeah, if he blames me, or drops me for good, his loss. The intellect in me knows this, but at the moment, intellect isn't present, I am faced with the reality only

I too am in a similar situation, i still have not built upp the courage to ask or tell him that he has infected me b/c im not sure if he knows that he has it. we are in a long distant relationship and plan on seeing each other soon, im hoping i can get it out to him, but my fear is that he will deny or not believe me and possibly mention it to other i know (that would kill me). i havent told anyone and dont want to deal with peoples thoughts of me.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
whatkindaluck Honeycomb Member

whatkindaluck

Posted
  • Author
Posted
I too am in a similar situation, i still have not built upp the courage to ask or tell him that he has infected me b/c im not sure if he knows that he has it. we are in a long distant relationship and plan on seeing each other soon, im hoping i can get it out to him, but my fear is that he will deny or not believe me and possibly mention it to other i know (that would kill me). i havent told anyone and dont want to deal with peoples thoughts of me.

Myoulet, Thank you so much for replying to this.... I was really hoping to have some more feedback on this scenario regarding how to inform the one who didn't inform you (whether is they knew or not), but sadly haven't had much luck.

I have still haven't had the opportunity to get this over with (the impending talk of doom, which is how I have labeled it...meh, my brain rebelling)...I know if I were honest I would admit part of it's procrastination, but I also feel like some of it's selfishness, but all things considering, I think I am a little entitled to take a day or two to calm the hell down. Though please feel free if you or anyone else disagrees to say so, and thinks I'm being a git. I figured it's my kitty that's howling in pain, so I'm allowed to take some time to get my self emotionally right again. Just not too long I suppose.

Do you have a game plan? I still don't yet, but being that I am basically obsesses with this, and have been thinking non stop for many many days, every hour my anxiety decreases just a smidge, and how to go about it is almost a little clearer. Almost though.....I think I am still TOO emotionally absorbed with it.

I wish you luck dear, I really do....and if you need someone to bounce talk ideas off with, being that we are in the same boat, please feel free....meh, perhaps you'll have the right way, as my brain is just not cooperating.

Cheers :)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
 Share
Go to topic listing

  • Donate

    If Honeycomb has helped you, please help us by making a donation so we can provide you with even better features and services.

  • The Hive is Thriving!

    • Total Topics
      72k
    • Total Posts
      485.5k

  • Posts

    • CHT
      HSV genital likely?

      By CHT · Posted

      Hello "FeelingLost".... your fears and concerns are understandable but, nothing you've described regarding the sexual encounter would cause you to contract herpes.... further, your symptoms are not herpes related.  Best of all, your doctor is correct, your results don't show any herpes here.  You can relax.... definitely have your GP take a look at things and see what might be causing the symptoms but, again, none of them are typical herpes related.  I wish you the best in terms of talking to your wife about this encounter.... hopefully she will understand and you both can work through this amicably.  We all make mistakes.... be careful not to beat yourself up too hard over this.... you can become so racked with guilt that you start imagining physical symptoms.  Best of luck.... and take care..... come back to the site if you have questions.
    • FeelingLost75
      HSV genital likely?

      By FeelingLost75 · Posted

      Hi (I’m really scared and feel really disappointed in myself and worried about my future), I had oral sex with a condom almost 3 weeks ago and a massage parlor. I also received a hand job at the same time prior to putting a condom on, also may have rubbed my penis on her back a little. Did not touch her genitals I don’t recall any sores on her back. After the event she handed me a pice of TP and after I took off the condom I wiped my penis head to clear away the excess ejaculation…this is where I suspect I got infected, she had just gone pee and wiped and maybe touched a sore or something and then I got it on my penis from the tp? Idk. I’m just flailing.   After this I’ve had discomfort on the skin below the head of my penis and 4 bumps for 2 weeks now, the bumps don’t seem to have changed in size. I also had frequent urination for about a week and have had dull pain in my groin on and off. I also have some pins and needles on the sides of my abdomen/trunk that get worse when I go out in the heat or get dehydrated. I’ve had a lot of trouble sleeping, likely due to guilt and shame and worry about the future.   so I got one test done at 10 days from the event (idk know if this can tell me anything… the doctor assured me it was 100% correct and I don’t have herpes. I was not physically examined). I got a full panel std. neg for everything. HSV-1 results: IgG 0.3 / HSV-2 IgG 0.9 hsv-1 IgM = 2.2 hsv-2 IgM = 3.0 (Reference V. Negative: Less than 9.0 Borderline: 9.0 to 11.0 Positive: Greater than 11.0) I have an appointment with my GP on Thursday, hoping he can help. Will likely go to a std testing service tomorrow to see if I can get in an antiviral proactively. Plan to get tested again this week.    
    • TS4real
      HSV-2 transmission under Valtrex daily therapy. Hopeful a healthy sex life is possible? Thx for sharing!

      By TS4real · Posted

      Out of curiosity, did you take valtrex at the very first OB?
    • FeelingLost75
      Tell me your symptoms

      By FeelingLost75 · Posted

      How are you doing now?
    • TS4real
      GHSV1 has be going crazy

      By TS4real · Posted

      May 13 ( day I will never forget).. a guy I was dating and I drank way to much and decided to have anal sex. We did use protection however, not enough lube, wasn’t done correctly and it was painful. So bad that I yelled out and fell off the bed. Anyway, oral was also performed on me anal and vaginal. Flash forward to 3-4 days after that. I was in the most intense pain I had ever felt. I went to a gyn she tool one look and said it looks like herpes. She swabbed me . 2 days after that, yes it’s HSV1 . I was still in pain, irritated anal area and vaginal area and It was unbearable.  today, I still have irritation and itchy and when I pass a bowel i’m in pain and the itch is crazy.     When I first was diagnoses the gyn gave me valtrex which I did not take bc I was in so much pain I could not move for 2 days.  Groin lymphs were swollen I had fever , tired etc.  I am wondering if I had taken the valtrex would it have kinda liked stopped the virus in it’s tracks enough to reproduce? Do people see a correlation between no more outbreaks and immediate initial valtrex  use ? I am 43, I never thought this wound happen as I am not a promiscuous person, I hardly date and I always use protection when I do have intercouse , have yearly std tests. I’m just so sad that i’m at this point right now . I’m trying not to get depressed but this is making my body feel miserable. I’m an avid runner and biker and mom of two teens. I feel like my life as I knew is over. I want to feel better already.
×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue.

  I accept