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Jess26

Scared, devastated

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Jess26

Hey guys, I am Jessica. I am 25 and a single mom of 3 small kids. I just found out yesterday afternoon I have been diagnosed with HSV 2. I have cried since the phone call yesterday. I am devastated and I am not sure where to go from here. My ex and I have been a part almost a year. I was with one guy recently and then all of this has happened. I am scared because I don't know how long I have had it. Can I pass it to my kids? Dating is hard enough with three kids now this? I feel like no one will want me! I am terrified. My doctor told me I don't need to be on daily antiviral is this true? How will I have more kids? How will I not pass it to my kids? Help! 

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Jsoz

Hi Jessica. I feel you. I’ve had hsv for almost two years now. Thankfully I have not had another OB since the initial one, since many others suffer terrible OB I think I’m happy at least with that. I got it from an asshole that never told me he had it. I too am seeking counseling cause I’m just so devasted I’ve thought of suicide and it’s scary. I don’t know how I’m ever going to be in a fulfilling relationship now that I have this. I am currently dating a guy that I really like and I can’t spit the words out to him cause I know he’s gonna run for the hills. Hang in there. I’m with you on this one. I’m 28 I was diagnosed at 26 and have not had a relationship since. I cry all the time cause I feel like I’m hiding a secret. 

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Jsoz

To answer your question, if it’s genital no you won’t pass it to your kids. And yes you can have more kids , just make sure you don’t have an OB when giving birth vaginal. And no you don’t need to take antiviral meds if you don’t have a current OB

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Jess26

I have had prior c-sections so that is not a huge deal. How do you tread the world of dating?  Also how do you have unprotected sex and reduce risk of not passing it on? I see where you can pass it even if not having outbreak.

Edited by Jess26

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Jsoz

The dating world I’m still trying to figure out myself. That’s the hardest part for me. You can reduce transmission by being on daily suppressive therapy but I wouldn’t want to do that cause I’m sure that will damage your liver and or kidneys in the long run. 

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Jess26

I just saw your initial post. Yes I don't know if I got it from my ex because he cheated several times or if I got it from the guy I was with recently. It is devastating. To be honest suicide crossed my mind last night but briefly because I love my kids and my life, but this is just devastating. Honestly I feel like a lepper because I feel who is going to want me. When do you tellsomeone. If I wait until I really like them then what if they cannot handle it. 

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Jsoz

That’s where I am. I’m currently dating an amazing guy but I’m too scared to tell him. I don’t know how’s he’s going to react, if I’ll start crying cause I feel sorry for myself. I’ve been talking to him for months and I’m scared he’s going to think I’m telling him way too in to the relationship and get mad. I just don’t know if I’ll ever find someone that will take the risk for me. This really sucks. I truly hope they find a cure soon. 

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Jess26

I truly hope they do too. I saw something online where they have seen it clings to certain proteins so may be they will be able to narrow it down and eradicate the virus some day. I am so sorry you'e going through that. I am scared for when that day comes. If he loves you or cares for you then hopefully it will not matter since it is manageable. I understand I am so fearful of the days to come. Will someone love me enough to risk it

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Jsoz

It’s the stigma around the virus that makes me not want to tell him. I am afraid of rejection.  He’s going to think I’m a whore or was careless which was not the case. I’ve only been in 3 relationships. Others that sleep around and are careless always seem to be the ones that are clean. It’s so unfair. It’s already hard enough to find a loyal man in this day and time, let alone find someone that is willing to catch an STD for you. 

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Jess26

I know I understand. I can count on one hand how many relationships I have been in and this was my absolute worst fear and now this. I have only been with my ex and the new guy in a long time and I have never had any issues until recently. I know the feeling. I feel like anyone who looks at me is going to think I'm a whore and that isn't the case either. I know it is manageable but it's still devastating. I wouldn't even know what to say. Has he asked why things aren't sexual? 

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Nrns

I probably get this from a girl I met in a bar 2 weeks ago, I told her because I'm a responsable human been and ask her to do the test for everything because of the false negative window, i even offer to pay.... she blocked me.

I'm so scared that I can't even be mad at her.

 

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Jess26

I am so sorry that happened to you. How did they test you was it a swab?

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Jsoz

@Jess26He hasn’t necessarily asked why,  but he’s been pushing it. I’ve kissed him, cuddled with him and slept over but never had sex. And what @Nrns is exactly why I don’t want to. Sometimes I think screw it, and just do it and pray he doesn’t get it. But I would hate myself if he got it and suffered terrible OB. It’s manageable for some, others have so bad that they actually end their life. I feel like in a nightmare I can’t wake up from. 

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GlitterDx

You should tell him before any relations. It will only weed out the assholes faster. If he sticks around, he’s worth it. Things will get easier. The virus is easily killed by washing with soap and doesn’t live outside the body in surfaces for more than a second. 

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Jess26

I agree it will weedout the jerks but how do you tell someone initially? That is so scary. It makes me not want to date ever again. I don't do well with rejection. My girls father was very abusive and we were together for a long time and now to be ridiculed over something I can't control is terrifying 

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WarriorKing

The disclosure is best done low key and matter of fact. It is a common, nearly always minor medical issue. Learn much more about the virus so that you have the real life answers. I have carried it for nearly 40 years, and it hasn't blocked me. Also, you do have a bit of an advantage as a woman, guys want to get naked badly and are willing to take risks.

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Chicagonow

Warrior king did u have alot of symtmops cause want to understand my husband he has not gone to get his test results. But tells me he doesnt feel anything... But I tested positive for hsv1 1.34 and hsv2 1.84.. I don' know if any other std will conlict with my numbers but I did do the igg test.. still trying to understand number cause when I had a cold sore.. And the reading whr low.. 

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Jess26

@WarriorKing how do you disclose it? I don't even has a possible interest right now, but hopefully in the future I will. How do you keep from spreading the virus if it can be shed even without lesions?

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WarriorKing

Most people have very minor symptoms. A little redness. A little itch. Or nothing. Most people don't come to this site ... Tens of millions of people don't come here.

Personally i did have a massive first outbreak ... dozens of blisters. And it was never that bad again.

 

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Chicagonow

I feel for women it' more complicated.. cause even though I don't feel ob I feel itchy not all day and never seen actual sore  I get raised bumps but do feel tingling and child burning sensation in hair area.. I feel like if I don' have visible on I think mine are internal.. And do u take antiviral on daily bases.. what do u think about my results

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WarriorKing

I take suppressive Acyclovir. With the ex wife, we stopped relations at the first sign of prodrome, she was hsv negative to the best of our knowledge, i was not on meds during that marriage. 

With new interests i do use the words cold sore virus and hsv. And i disclose early. Usually either they are also hsv positive, or a friend or family member is. Some walk away, some stay and investigate the possible relationship.

 

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WarriorKing
12 minutes ago, Chicagonow said:

I feel for women it' more complicated.. cause even though I don't feel ob I feel itchy not all day and never seen actual sore  I get raised bumps but do feel tingling and child burning sensation in hair area.. I feel like if I don' have visible on I think mine are internal.. And do u take antiviral on daily bases.. what do u think about my results

I take 400 mg daily.

On the lab test it says that greater than some number > is a positive. I don't remember how it goes. I am a 5 for hsv2 and negative for hsv1.

 

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IcantThinkofaName

@WarriorKing Then you are the luckiest of the unlucky.

Even when I take daily AVs, I have prodome sensations(tingling,pain, or itching or all 3 ) on and off all day, & leg/hip pain daily too,  and I still get Obs 1 or 2 times a month. That means I am contagious or shedding every day , right? I certainly don't want  to give this  "joy" to someone else.

Its not that easy-peasy for everybody like you describe it. I think ladies do have a harder time with it.  And We are more likely to catch it than men are. Why do women always get the hard way to go?

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WarriorKing

People that come to this site are generally those that have the worst symptoms and the worst fear. The 1 percent.

The 99 percent, most people that acquire hsv don't believe their life is over and are just continuing the daily fight for survival.

I know a lot of dead people. Not one of them are dead from hsv. I have known here, ladies that had severe symptoms, ER visits, months of unpleasantness because of hsv.

It passes and hsv shrinks in importance in their life.

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