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Alix123

Diagnosis in long term relationship

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Alix123

Hello everyone 

Diagnosed just this week, I’m 30 years old and in a long term ‘monogamous’ relationship of 5 years. Just before Christmas I found out my partner had an affair, and we were attempting to move past it. However this has thrown a spanner in the works.

The girl he had the affair with does NOT have herpes as she works in the medical professional and had a blood test for it only just before their affair started, and I have seen proof of this. 

We had sex New Year’s Day and the following day my partner commented that he had a cut on his penis; having researched this appeared to be a ‘paper cut’ lesion and 4-5 days later I had symptoms of a full outbreak.  My partner says he has not cheated with anyone else, but he also claims he has never had any symptoms of herpes before. I know no one can answer definitively, but I suppose what I’m asking is; 

how likely is it that the virus came from

1. a new infection in him (and he cheated again), 

2. Has been dormant a long time in him (5 years plus?!)

3. Been dormant in me all this time - I think this is unlikely as I do believe the lesion he had was a herpes lesion.

From stuff I’ve read online first outbreaks appear to be the worst, so could a first outbreak be so minor in him?  This was barely noticeable, a tiny cut!

 

thanks to anyone who made it this far.

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Scooby2112

This is really tough to answer considering 80% of hsv2 infected people don't know they are infected (only about 20% truly have no symptoms).  

So it's possible he has had this, and this is just a recurrence.  It's also possible you have had it. 

One way to tell a little is take an Igg blood test.  If this is a new infection it will likely be negative.  If it's an infection that is at least 8 -12 weeks old then it will be positive.  

Problem with the blood tests are that it's proof they didn't have hsv 8 -12 weeks ago.  If they engaged in any sexual acts in the 8 -12 weeks before the blood test they would not get picked up on the test. So they could have H at the time of the blood test but not Test positive.  

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Pinkviolet

My experience is  my bf had sex on other girl a week before we had sex. After a week, i had symptoms and had the full outbreak. He claimed that he is clean and never had herpes. i dont know where i get it. Ironicaly im in medical field 

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Scooby2112
9 minutes ago, October19 said:

My experience is  my bf had sex on other girl a week before we had sex. After a week, i had symptoms and had the full outbreak. He claimed that he is clean and never had herpes. i dont know where i get it. Ironicaly im in medical field 

Only way to say he is clean is after three months post exposure.  

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GlitterDx

Your husband is putting your sexual (physical, mental and emotional) health at risk. Otherwise, there is just no way to know for sure. Be safe. :(

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Pinkviolet
1 hour ago, Scooby2112 said:

Only way to say he is clean is after three months post exposure.  

Its devastating in my part coz im the one who had all this symptoms. And he has zero knowledge about herpes abd he said he routinely check his blood.i want to explain to him everything but he is close minded and believed that he is clean and he said if  ever he got it, he got it from me. His the one who cheated but niw im the one at fault. I want to talk to someone who has it coz i cant sleep at night now.

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Scooby2112

You can ask questions on here.  Sleeping issues can be cause any the anxiety or the symptoms.  The symptoms will go away but the anxiety can continue building.  

If this is recent for you.  You could both get an Igg test.  If he has it and you don't  yet (cause it takes 2-3 months to be detectable, it would be relatively safe to then say he passed it.  

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Pinkviolet

How much is the test im staying abroad. Holy shit in muslim country dont know how to deal with it.how many years you have it?

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Scooby2112

I wouldn't know about testing over there.  Here in the states you can get it without a Dr online for less than $50.  

Get Igg type select (not combined Igg) or igm testing.  

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Pinkviolet
9 hours ago, Scooby2112 said:

I wouldn't know about testing over there.  Here in the states you can get it without a Dr online for less than $50.  

Get Igg type select (not combined Igg) or igm testing.  

Oh my god. I have difficulty opening up this to my doctor because she is a muslim. She does not want to talk about it. She did not even tell me directly what is her diagnosis. I just read it in the prescription that she gave me. Then prescribe me antiviral. She did swab me but not on my active lesion. I thought she did. ( It was 2nd day of my outbreak when i go to her and i dont take any medicine from prodrome stage).so im thinking its the best time to swab me. I think she swab me on lower part of my vagina After a week, i came back for follow up check up. My sores was cleared and the result of my swab is "no seen pathogens". What's that? Do you have any idea ?herpes is new to me. I did not even know the prodrome. I just knew it after reading some articles online after my visual diagnose. I asked her what is the result . she told me your okay  I told her to check my blood but she told me no need. Your okay now. If your boyfriend is unfaithful use condom. Thats all she said. And im expecting all doctors here are the same because they are all conservative. 

Edited by October19
Typographical error

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Scooby2112

No seen pathogens likely meaning that the swab was negative.  

It doesn't mean you didn't have H.  Just that it wasn't able to grow in culture.  So could have been too old of a sore.  Or a bad area to swab.  

 

 

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xxxgirl

.....I dunno why everyone beats around the bush... , I am in the medical field, and yes sometimes the virus can lay "dormant" but 9/10 after education most people realize they were having an outbreak and it really wasn't laying dormant, they were just nit educated. If you are experiencing a full blown ob, your recent partner is the giver

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Pinkviolet
3 minutes ago, xxxgirl said:

.....I dunno why everyone beats around the bush... , I am in the medical field, and yes sometimes the virus can lay "dormant" but 9/10 after education most people realize they were having an outbreak and it really wasn't laying dormant, they were just nit educated. If you are experiencing a full blown ob, your recent partner is the giver

But he does not have full blown ob. And it drives me crazy explaining it to him  coz his doctor told him he does not have. But i remember he told me when we had sex that his penis is feeling too hot. I knew there is something wrong that night. it was almost exactly after a week we had sex i had full blown outbreak.

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Pinkviolet
18 minutes ago, Scooby2112 said:

No seen pathogens likely meaning that the swab was negative.  

It doesn't mean you didn't have H.  Just that it wasn't able to grow in culture.  So could have been too old of a sore.  Or a bad area to swab.  

 

 

Im thinking she swab the wrong area.i had sex december 14, i had outbreak december 21. Until when will i test negative? Due to cultural restriction i have difficulty seeking medical test here. I really want to know where i stand now.

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Alix123

I’m completely aware my current partner gave this to me! What I’m asking is; he had a very tiny papercut lesion which we only recognised in hindsight as being herpes and that’s how presumably I caught it. We have been together for 5 years. Is it really likely he’s had it all this time and yet I’ve only just caught it? Or that he’s cheated and picked it up recently.

5 hours ago, xxxgirl said:

.....I dunno why everyone beats around the bush... , I am in the medical field, and yes sometimes the virus can lay "dormant" but 9/10 after education most people realize they were having an outbreak and it really wasn't laying dormant, they were just nit educated. If you are experiencing a full blown ob, your recent partner is the giver

 

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Scooby2112
9 hours ago, Pinkviolet said:

Im thinking she swab the wrong area.i had sex december 14, i had outbreak december 21. Until when will i test negative? Due to cultural restriction i have difficulty seeking medical test here. I really want to know where i stand now.

Your best testing will be after three months.  March 14th.  

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xxxgirl

It’s hard to say but if you were together for 5 years and you never got this and now you do.. he may have cheated but I don’t want to point fingers. I think you should have a serious discussion about this with him because if he did cheat you need to go and get a full std test done for your own safety. 

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IcantThinkofaName
17 hours ago, Pinkviolet said:

Oh my god. I have difficulty opening up this to my doctor because she is a muslim. She does not want to talk about it. She did not even tell me directly what is her diagnosis. I just read it in the prescription that she gave me. Then prescribe me antiviral. She did swab me but not on my active lesion. I thought she did. ( It was 2nd day of my outbreak when i go to her and i dont take any medicine from prodrome stage).so im thinking its the best time to swab me. I think she swab me on lower part of my vagina After a week, i came back for follow up check up. My sores was cleared and the result of my swab is "no seen pathogens". What's that? Do you have any idea ?herpes is new to me. I did not even know the prodrome. I just knew it after reading some articles online after my visual diagnose. I asked her what is the result . she told me your okay  I told her to check my blood but she told me no need. Your okay now. If your boyfriend is unfaithful use condom. Thats all she said. And im expecting all doctors here are the same because they are all conservative. 

in some of the muslim countries, a STD diagnosis is a legal issue. (immoral crime or something). Maybe she didn't want you to have a problem like that. I don't know where you are but some people here  from UAE i think, from  had to go to another country for testing because of this.

That totally sucks.

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Pinkviolet
1 hour ago, IcantThinkofaName said:

in some of the muslim countries, a STD diagnosis is a legal issue. (immoral crime or something). Maybe she didn't want you to have a problem like that. I don't know where you are but some people here  from UAE i think, from  had to go to another country for testing because of this.

That totally sucks.

Oh some people in uae need to travel in other country for testing so they dont have problem if it turns out positive? I see in the hospital that they have IGG test.but my doctir dont do blood test on me.  i dont know if it will give me big problem if it turns out positivei will ask about that next time i retutn to her. I am in saudi. I want to know if its new infection. My swab test is not good. But maybe its a legal issue here because i have big sores wgen i did my check up but she did not directly swab my sores. 

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WannaCry

You may have to travel to another country to do IgG testing. We have had other members from muslim countries have to do this due to issues with the medical field in their areas. Are you native to the country you are living in or are you an expat?

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IcantThinkofaName
37 minutes ago, Pinkviolet said:

I am in saudi. I want to know if its new infection. My swab test is not good. But maybe its a legal issue here because i have big sores wgen i did my check up but she did not directly swab my sores. 

yeah < saudi would be one of those countries where you don't want an STD on your record I heard.

Are you working there?  Living? Visiting?

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K_Sock
19 hours ago, xxxgirl said:

.....I dunno why everyone beats around the bush... , I am in the medical field, and yes sometimes the virus can lay "dormant" but 9/10 after education most people realize they were having an outbreak and it really wasn't laying dormant, they were just nit educated. If you are experiencing a full blown ob, your recent partner is the giver

Nailed it. 

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Pinkviolet
7 hours ago, IcantThinkofaName said:

yeah < saudi would be one of those countries where you don't want an STD on your record I heard.

Are you working there?  Living? Visiting?

Working. I want to have other lab test. I dont have any ob but i want to check my health status. When i first found out i have hsv i cant manage to cry i try to face it logically. All i've wanted to do now is do lab test and if its new infection i want to kill the person who gave it to me whom i used to love. Hahaha. Crazy. Im going to the clinic after 2, weeks and try my luck to be tested. Im going to ask my doctor if they will mantain confidentiality if it turns to be positive or they need do   some actions that will result for a deportation. I m not a person who sleep around. Im faithful and loyal to my partner and no one wants to catch this kind of std. Im still wishing that ive catch something that can be cured with antibiotics but here i am trying to be strong in a foreign country. I bought some suppplements that willl boost my immunity. Thank you for responding it makes me feel im not alone. 

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IcantThinkofaName
19 hours ago, Pinkviolet said:

i want to kill the person who gave it to me whom i used to love.

yeah, I got it from my (former) fiancee in a foreign country last christmas. The idiot dr. said it didn't look like herpes and said they couldn't do any tests. I had strep too, which is rare for me. They just said I caught the flu or something.  After more sores appeared , I had to ask his mother, a pharmacist to get me some Antivirals.  I had to self diagnosis myself. It was a classic textbook HSV outbreak. However, She said that because I was sick with a UTI  the week before and strep,  the herpes that was in me must have come out of dormancy.  uh huh.  No, it couldn't be from her son who I was having daily sex with for 2 weeks prior. I had to hear shit like that. No one put 2 and 2 together that the UTI was from HSV too. I had to hear crazy reasons for why I had a UTI also. None of them to do with sex.

Before starting the relationship I had full STD panel done including HSV and I was 100% clear. He also said he had done testing and was clear. After my Ob I asked to see his results and he doesn't have them/can't find them/won't get them from Dr, and he still to this day has not been tested or seen a dr regarding this even after I was begging.

Last month, I told him I hated him and he ruined my life. I guess we are broken up now. I haven't heard back from him so...

I was also holding on to hope that it was something exotic and curable.  I knew deep down it was HSV but  I was still hoping. Maybe you will be luckier.

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Pinkviolet
3 hours ago, IcantThinkofaName said:

yeah, I got it from my (former) fiancee in a foreign country last christmas. The idiot dr. said it didn't look like herpes and said they couldn't do any tests. I had strep too, which is rare for me. They just said I caught the flu or something.  After more sores appeared , I had to ask his mother, a pharmacist to get me some Antivirals.  I had to self diagnosis myself. It was a classic textbook HSV outbreak. However, She said that because I was sick with a UTI  the week before and strep,  the herpes that was in me must have come out of dormancy.  uh huh.  No, it couldn't be from her son who I was having daily sex with for 2 weeks prior. I had to hear shit like that. No one put 2 and 2 together that the UTI was from HSV too. I had to hear crazy reasons for why I had a UTI also. None of them to do with sex.

Before starting the relationship I had full STD panel done including HSV and I was 100% clear. He also said he had done testing and was clear. After my Ob I asked to see his results and he doesn't have them/can't find them/won't get them from Dr, and he still to this day has not been tested or seen a dr regarding this even after I was begging.

Last month, I told him I hated him and he ruined my life. I guess we are broken up now. I haven't heard back from him so...

I was also holding on to hope that it was something exotic and curable.  I knew deep down it was HSV but  I was still hoping. Maybe you will be luckier.

 

3 hours ago, IcantThinkofaName said:

  I knew deep down it was HSV but  I was still hoping. Maybe you will be luckier.

I can feel its hsv too.  i mean i had initial ob last month, i was diagnosed visualy by the doctor. This month i dont have any ob just want to check again. Sometimes your instincts and your own body will tell what is your hidden disease. Hahaha. My partner is  a foreign too who insited he is clean. He saw my o.b last month. And i knew it was from him. You know im thinking of the future when i get old. Right now, my body can fight the virus but what if i reach the age of 60s and had weaker immunity. I feel that i will never be happy the same as before. Yeah surely i can live with it continue my daily life but there will always be a sadness in my heart that no one knows. Only us on this very anonymous forum. 

Do you lost all the love that you feel for your man? I never fight with him and tell hurtful words. I tried my best to calm down. Im gonna tell you the result when i have a test. I want to have friends here. Not just talking about hsv. We should try to have our normal life back again. 

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