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Lostinthesauce

Closed off and alone

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Lostinthesauce

I'm not really sure how to deal with anything right now. I never thought I'd be put into a position like this and I've always been a believer of silver linings. I got diagnosed finally a week or so ago and I decided I would join a dating site to avoid "the talk" honestly out of fear. I met a girl I seemed to hit it off with, the only downside was her living out of state. We came to talk about her flying out but i texted her today and it turns out she blocked me on all forms of contact. As far as everything goes I'm more disappointed about this than even being diagnosed. It's definitely a bad end to a high I was feeling after being beat down by my diagnosis. Does dating ever get easier? Is the talk really that bad? I'm not sure about much anymore. Knowing I won't have to be alone through everything would be great, but the outlook doesn't seem good.

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Topo_Chica

Well, you could be in my shoes. In love with someone who doesn’t have it. Seemed to accept me when I told him at the beginning. But won’t have sex with me now. Nearly two years together. I’m incredibly lonely and depressed. I need the intimacy sex creates between two people. But it doesn’t look like it’s ever going to happen. He tells me he loves me very much and wants to be with me. I feel the same. But I’m miserable. I feel like I’m constantly punished. My advice to you is find someone like you. Make it easy on yourself. And go easy on yourself. My outlook on my situation is dim. I maybe out there single again soon. I will not be with someone who is afraid of having sex with me again. In the meantime, I’m going to struggle without what I should do. I finally found someone who makes it easy in every other way, except having sex. 

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Divon

That sounds weird af. Why will he not have sex with u if u agree to take meds, use protection and avoid OBs? Do you have very frequent OBs that scares him or smth?

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Hottfoxxy
On 1/15/2018 at 1:57 PM, Topo_Chica said:

Well, you could be in my shoes. In love with someone who doesn’t have it. Seemed to accept me when I told him at the beginning. But won’t have sex with me now. Nearly two years together. I’m incredibly lonely and depressed. I need the intimacy sex creates between two people. But it doesn’t look like it’s ever going to happen. He tells me he loves me very much and wants to be with me. I feel the same. But I’m miserable. I feel like I’m constantly punished. My advice to you is find someone like you. Make it easy on yourself. And go easy on yourself. My outlook on my situation is dim. I maybe out there single again soon. I will not be with someone who is afraid of having sex with me again. In the meantime, I’m going to struggle without what I should do. I finally found someone who makes it easy in every other way, except having sex. 

I feel your pain in the same exact situation it hurts so bad .. 

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35hope
On 2/6/2018 at 1:12 AM, Divon said:

That sounds weird af. Why will he not have sex with u if u agree to take meds, use protection and avoid OBs? Do you have very frequent OBs that scares him or smth?

because you can still catch it.. i know since we got it we got to make it seem like its not that big of a deal, but it is a huge deal and there is no reason for someone to risk their health to make us feel normal, it's actually incredibly selfish in us to think like that and big reason why herpes is an epidemic in the world!

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Divon
On 7/4/2018 at 8:19 AM, 35hope said:

because you can still catch it.. i know since we got it we got to make it seem like its not that big of a deal, but it is a huge deal and there is no reason for someone to risk their health to make us feel normal, it's actually incredibly selfish in us to think like that and big reason why herpes is an epidemic in the world!

I really dont follow what you mean. Why do you think a virus that causes ocassional blisters, bumps, nerve pain and itching has to be a super huge deal? It can be for some people, especially those who get more severe symptoms but in general unless you have a very weak mind these symptoms by themselves are not sufficent to destroy ones life. The real harm is the isolation that comes with it. The line of thinking where you say "I´m always contagious, this diseas is horrible and is for life." is what is the truely harmful thing that destroys ones life. Humans have co-existed with herpes forever, it has been brought to light a bit more now though since we have great treatments and cures for so many other diseases while herpes is limited to the not so perfect Valtrex.  People on this forum are completely obsessed with asymptomatic shedding. You need to face asymptomatic shedding transmission for what it is. Given that outbreaks are carefully avoided, condoms are used and antivirals are used, this is a minimal risk to give someone a virus that is extremly common and almost never anything more than very annoying at times.

Many countries have made studies that show that among women who have had 4 or more sexual partners in their lives, over 50% will have HSV2. The symptoms can be anything from horribly reoccuring and annoying to some mild irrations that go almost completely or entirely unnoticed. And the more common one is the second one. We can also further this rant with that it is possible that if someone is exposed to very low amount of virus copies when the virus is spread to them, the virus might be less likely to cause the more serious symptoms. If that theory has some truth in it, then there is even more reason to not fear this anywhere near as much as you do.

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35hope
On 7/6/2018 at 1:46 AM, Divon said:

I really dont follow what you mean. Why do you think a virus that causes ocassional blisters, bumps, nerve pain and itching has to be a super huge deal? It can be for some people, especially those who get more severe symptoms but in general unless you have a very weak mind these symptoms by themselves are not sufficent to destroy ones life. The real harm is the isolation that comes with it. The line of thinking where you say "I´m always contagious, this diseas is horrible and is for life." is what is the truely harmful thing that destroys ones life. Humans have co-existed with herpes forever, it has been brought to light a bit more now though since we have great treatments and cures for so many other diseases while herpes is limited to the not so perfect Valtrex.  People on this forum are completely obsessed with asymptomatic shedding. You need to face asymptomatic shedding transmission for what it is. Given that outbreaks are carefully avoided, condoms are used and antivirals are used, this is a minimal risk to give someone a virus that is extremly common and almost never anything more than very annoying at times.

Many countries have made studies that show that among women who have had 4 or more sexual partners in their lives, over 50% will have HSV2. The symptoms can be anything from horribly reoccuring and annoying to some mild irrations that go almost completely or entirely unnoticed. And the more common one is the second one. We can also further this rant with that it is possible that if someone is exposed to very low amount of virus copies when the virus is spread to them, the virus might be less likely to cause the more serious symptoms. If that theory has some truth in it, then there is even more reason to not fear this anywhere near as much as you do.

it ruins your sex life which tends to be a big deal, wearing tight cloths makes you itchy down there which is a constant reminder of you having it. idk its just to much some times

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IcantThinkofaName

it does ruin ones sex life.

Condoms suck to begin with and they always slip off or down, they are NOT a reliable protection...

I am really disappointed with the first sex I've had (ok, tried to have -for 4 days) with someone who is HSV free, since getting this disease.

 

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Divon
Posted (edited)
On 7/9/2018 at 10:20 AM, 35hope said:

it ruins your sex life which tends to be a big deal, wearing tight cloths makes you itchy down there which is a constant reminder of you having it. idk its just to much some times

Ok my post didn´t deny that it affects your sex life. But that is more the stigma. Your itching is the same as my itching, a constant reminder of the thing that destroys your dating life. My argument is that the symptoms by themselves aren´t enough to affect ones life quality. In order to affect ones life quality you and others around you have to acknowledge these symptoms as serious health problems. Meaning both you and people that you date have to view what you have as a serious diseas although it honestly really isn´t. I´ve had quite a lot of sex with herpes before understanding that it even was herpes. I have infected noone that I know of (asked some partners) and about discomfort, sometimes there is discomfort in my penis head and sometimes there is not. The discomfort is also somewhat manageable, it isn´t really the end of the world that it feels like the girl is hurting you a little bit while you are having sex unless your penis is very hurt.  I´d have to say that the fear of infecting someone with hsv is way way worse than almost all symptoms that HSV can bring.

 

On 7/9/2018 at 12:20 PM, IcantThinkofaName said:

it does ruin ones sex life.

Condoms suck to begin with and they always slip off or down, they are NOT a reliable protection...

I am really disappointed with the first sex I've had (ok, tried to have -for 4 days) with someone who is HSV free, since getting this disease.

 

I´ve had lots of problems with condoms in my life especially slipping condoms like you say. It is very important to find the right condom. Size of the condom is important, it can´t be too tight because then it will require streching to roll down all the way and be very uncomfortable causing erection issues. And it can´t be too wide because then it will not fit well and slide off for that reason. One thing that is good if you wanna reduce condom problems as a man is to mini dose some kind of viagra, ciallis or whatever. This will help containing the constant erection.

Edited by Divon

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35hope
44 minutes ago, Divon said:

 I´d have to say that the fear of infecting someone with hsv is way way worse than almost all symptoms that HSV can bring.

that's the biggest part of it, that constant painful annoying feeling you have and the ability to infect someone else with it for life, makes sex not even worth the risk to infect someone

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