Haven't posted in a while - but I wanted to write a quick post, I had my kinda-5-year-herpes anniversary (got it on my birthday which makes it easier to remember) - and I'm happy to say that since then I've been in 4 relationships with non-herpes people (with a few short ones in between) and it has only gotten easier for me to disclose each time.
When I was first diagnosed I had a hard time coming to terms with the fact that I would have to disclose to everyone I meet some horrible secret, because after the initial shock it didn't feel horrible at all... it just felt like a harmless thing I had to live with.
So then I decided that that's how I was going to live my life - I tell people who I'm dating about it as soon as I can tell it's going well. Sometimes the night I meet them. And in five years I have not met a single person who has turned me away because of it.
I truly, truly believe it's the only way to live with herpes - the more we keep it a secret, the more people will think it's something to be afraid of - which it's not. When I was first diagnosed, I met someone at the Toronto herpes meetup who sat down with me and told me that it wasn't a big deal - and that generally speaking, people don't care. Five years later and it's some of the best advice I've been given.
I know there are exceptions, and I know from what people here have told me that it can be incredibly difficult to disclose, but I really hope that doesn't stop anyone here from trying.
This is just my experience - but if one person reads this and feels hope, then I'll be happy.
You're all beautiful snowflakes
Today I woke up with a cold sore and today was my date with my boyfriend. I haven't told him yet due to my shame about having it and the fear of his reaction. He was hurt I acted really distant from him and I feel so hurt too :’) I feel like the cold sore ruined everything. I wish I can just get rid of it or just disappear. Now I feel so guilty inside and I don’t want to go on living. I wish i never got herpes and I just wish no one gave it to me :’) It’d be fine if I had it, but asymptotic. I wish I was normal.
Hello! I’m new here, I found out about 8 months ago that I am living with Herpes. I have been dating my boyfriend for 10 months. I was infected last January. I was out with friends and went to an after party at a mutual friends, friends, party. I ended up getting drugged and raped. I woke up the next morning, covered in my own blood and in an unfamiliar place. Once I got home, I realized I had the worst pain in my genital area. Later to get tested and be positive for herpes. It’s one thing to have herpes, it’s another to have received them through rape.
Anyway, When I found out, I didn’t tell my boyfriend, I was unsure how he would react. It came out one night when I was drunk and he was so angry with me. We are still together and moving to a new state together. But he continues to bring up the fact that I have it and he is terrified he’s going to get it. How can I comfort him, how can we get our relationship back to how it was before he knew? We used to be extremely sexually active (twice a day), now it’s like twice a month, with a condom.
My boyfriend could not cope with the fact that i had it and that he still has not gotten it, he made me get a third test done for his satisfaction. Ive now had 4 tests done. Two came back slightly positive, like .2% over the “ inconclusive” results, one completely negative, and one positive. Help?? What does this mean?
I have done research for a black market cure, has anyone else?
I found one that is being studied in the Caribbean and Mexico. Has anyone else seen anything else about this?
Or know any homeopathic cures?
Thanks for your help. And for reading this long post!
Just wanted to say hello, been looking for a place to talk to others who knew exactly what it’s like.
Im a 23f and I’ve been hanging out with a 31m for about a month now. We met through a mutual friend and I’ve held off on sex (I don’t just sleep with people). However the main reason is bc I had to disclose that I have Ghsv1. I found out in July of 2017 when I had a sore at the opening of my vagina. I haven’t experienced anything from it since. Negative for hsv2, but positive for hsv1.
I disclosed to him yesterday by first asking if he’s ever had a coldsore, he said yes. And of course I felt immediate relief bc it’s like “awesome, he carries the same virus too so there’s no issue.”. I explained that I have it too, but downstairs and how I got it and how it doesn’t effect me at all until I have to have the conversation about it. He asked if it’s something I take medication for and I said I could but mine is already low risk as is. I told him how ghsv1 isn’t commonly transmitted to genitals bc it prefers the oral area and told him how there’s a 4% chance with no condom and 2%. I explained how the stigma is the worse thing about it and how a previous partner never contracted anything from me.
He said I dropped a bomb on him and I told him if he’s had a coldsore he carries the same strain. I just have it in a different area and can’t give him something he already carries. He said it’s the same but it’s kinda different. At that point I felt like I was losing an uphill battle. He thanked me for telling him and told me how he’s had chylamidia before and knows some stuff about herpes and outbreaks. I told him its not what it is if he thinks herpes. He told me he doesn’t think any less of me. He said it’s not the end of the world but it is something he’s gonna have to think about and process and it’s gonna take him some time to wrap his head around it and see where that leaves things with us. I asked if i could tell him stuff I’ve found out about it and he said we could talk about it but he’s still gonna need some time to think about it himself which I understand. I told him I hope he doesn’t just go off what he thinks he knows about it. I also hope he comes to his senses and realizes how much of a nonissue it is. I told him it’s nothing to me and he said he wouldn’t say it’s nothing but it’s not the end of the world. I still stayed last night and he didn’t cuddle with me at all. I told him he was already treating me different and he said he’s just trying to process everything and he can’t just act like it’s not a thing. I’m giving him some space and hoping he does research on a reputable site. He’s so nice and I don’t have the best track record and the thought of meeting someone that actually treats me well and it getting ruined bc if this breaks my heart and terrifies me:(