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Moromoro

Giving up?

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Moromoro

I see a lot of posts regarding suicide on the forum. I know one person who sadly did so because of severe hsv2.

How many of you think about it often and even come close to it and why?

What keeps you going and what makes you want to give up?

Are you angry there is not more education about it (how easy it is to transmit, the stigma, the pain, the health consequences)? Education that might have made you more cautious and not get this virus?

Are you angry there is not more focus on a vaccine to prevent it?

Edited by Moromoro

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Big mistake

I’ve only been knowingly infected for a month, everyday is a struggle, especially since this virus has made me impotent at 27, it’s very disheartening since I had a lot of happiness just before. I haven’t had an outbreak, just a lot of dull achy feeling, hopefully things will look up. I know someone who would still like to date me who is not infected, but the fear of infecting him, as well as the fact that I feel lesser of a man have taken quite a toll on my pride. I just pray that I won’t be completely crippled by this, I’ve read some pretty scary stuff from John Hopkins and JAMA journals discussing the neurological affects some people suffer.... 

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BeautyLover321

This disease has been mentally and physically exhausting. I go back and replay the day I think I got infected over and over in my head every day.

Before this I never had HSV1 or any STD, I barely even got pimples on my damn face. I literally *knock on wood* had amazing health. The funny thing is, the guy who gave it to me was only the second guy I slept with while I was single for over a year. I barely got to sleep around or truly enjoy sex. Right before I met him, I got into amazing shape, was living life to the fullest and I was so happy. I never slept around before, but I really wanted to just experience happy, casual sex because I was in such an emotional and toxic relationship before (for a long time). I never really felt confident the way I did at that point of my life, and never really cared to experiment. Just as I was getting used to the new lifestyle of truly being single - this happens.

Sometimes I wish I got HSV1 as a kid because then my symptoms wouldn't be so bad (from my understanding). Ive had a few OBs but the constant irritation is the worst. I havent had many days without irritation/discharge etc since being diagnosed in August 2017. The doctors can't say what's causing it, I've done so many tests and still nothing. I am negative for everything else. The irritation is slowly getting better, but I'm very sensitive down there now. I can't tell if I'm shedding or the virus is just making my body its home and getting uber comfy. This never happened to me before HSV. I never in a million years thought I'd ever get this virus. Still shocks me to this day to be quite honest. 

I truly believe that alot of people do have this virus but just don't know it because they probably had exposure to some form of herpes and therefore built antibodies. Me, I never even had chicken pox (like I said- barely got sick).. so I had NO antibodies. I get a mild OB every other month generally. I thought natural stuff would cure me, that got too expensive, I thought the chicken pox vaccine would help, that didn't..and now I'm on fucking Valtrex..something I REALLY wanted to avoid because taking a pill like that everyday cannot be good in the long run. ALSO- just a few days after starting valtrex, I experienced localized pain and redness in the area I normally get OBs but NO lesions. I know it's not another infection so it MUST be HSV. I just don't even know if Valtrex will even really help me. I hope so. 

I am in awe that there hasnt been better treatment for this since the 80s. I think it's because so many people have it and are carrying on with their lives. We are the ABSOLUTE minority because most people are asymptomatic or have such mild OBs that they can't tell they have it. This isn't even included in regular STD testing. Before I suspected I had the virus, I thought all those times I got tested in the past -- they checked for herpes!! Boy was I wrong!

Honestly, I believe there is a cure (functional) out there...I just don't know when we'll see it. What's the point if it comes 10 years from now? I mean I get that theres a point but it's really fucked up my dating life. I'll be old by then. And it sucks because I am so happy in my life outside of this virus and that's what makes it worse. Cus it seems like happiness is so close yet so far.

I have so many regrets bc if I made smarter choices I wouldnt be here right now...but what gets me through is success in other ways like career/school, being a good person, prayer and hope that there will be at least better meds in the future...or that soon I'll be asymptomatic. I also remind myself that there are truly far worse things to have...some people don't even have legs. It's dramatic to say that but it's the truth. I am aware that I am still pretty healthy. I also will make sure to practice safe sex from now on so perhaps this diagnosis is saving me from a riskier disease that I could have caught if I continued to engage in unprotected and risky behaviour (even though the guy who gave it to me was the only guy I didn't really know that I slept with w/out a condom in my life).

I don't know, everyday I wake up and research HSV. If I ever get rich, you better believe I'll be investing in a cure. If there ever is a cure or a way to suppress symptoms, I'll become an activist and educate people. & no - I can't do that now, because I'm not mentally there since I'm suffering (I can't help others if I'm not happy with myself...but I applaud those who can). I just pray and pray everyday and try my best to keep sane. I am considering counselling next week with my physician at school who said she wants to help me with my anxiety about my health which is also a recent side effect of my HSV. So hopefully that helps too. 

So in conclusion, I'm pretty neurotic now cus of the virus but I am hopeful. I hope one day we can all be functionally cured (good enough for me) of this. I know if they can figure out a vaccine for chicken pox, they can with HSV so I'm gonna keep praying and researching. 

Anyways, thanks for listening to my rant. You're not alone. I know I'm not either. Always here to talk. 

 

Edited by BeautyLover321

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Big mistake

Hey sorry it took so long to reply back, been having a rough week with this.... like the past 4. I wake up so damn early, and my mind can't rest once I'm up, I'm the exact same, looking up symptoms the minute I wake, Everyday I hope that it was just a nightmare or a passing thought from a tv show. Nope, this is my new reality. I live at home and my mom has noticed the change in my behavior, she is so upset about all of this, I too was just so reckless and I wish I could just take it back. Last night I had told myself that I would wake up today, March 1st feeling better.... as if..... I woke to the horrific realty that my sense of smell and taste are significant different. Something I always said, If I ever get terminally sick, please god give me my sense of taste. Well I can kind of taste and smell but what is going to happen the next time I get a cold? completely kill it? I keep looking at my calendar with a burning regret for the stupid choice I made. I am at least only 4 days away from seeing my doctor, but I doubt answers will come easily..... Meanwhile I have to try and put on a happy face and just hope for it to get better. I sit mostly in silence during the day, I log on here to try and see what others might be up to, other than that its just another day I guess...... 

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Carmen Jones

I don't even get symptoms, as far as I know, and I'm absolutely miserable. I was diagnosed with HSV-2 over 6 months ago yet every day I wake up hoping that that day will be my last. I  am completely different person from a year ago. I literally went from being the happiest I've ever been, to having days like today. Where I sit in bed thinking of everything I should get up to do, but instead I just lie there in the dark contemplating how worthless I feel. 

Ive always been the responsible one out of my friends. I was always the friend who supported the casual sex encounters...but never had them. The friend who wouldn't sleep with anyone I didn't really know meanwhile my friends had sex with 5 different men in one summer, unprotected, but end up perfectly fine. I get caught in thoughts about how my life SHOULD have gone, rather than accepting it for what it is. Tomorrow, I'm looking forward to going to church to maybe lighten my mood....but who knows if I'll make it out of bed. 

I just miss who I used to be..

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Pattiwack

This post means everything to me!  This is how I feel right now. I feel like my life is ruined and I never truly experienced being in love or anything of significance  (romantic relationship -wise)  why am I here?  To live such a miserable existence.  To hear everyone say how great a catch I am and wonder why I have no one.  And to feel ashamed. 

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true_blue

@Moromoro

Quote

How many of you think about it often and even come close to it and why?

I think that eventually I might have to kill myself if the pain becomes too unbearable and my patience wears thin.

Quote

What keeps you going and what makes you want to give up?

I'm holding out for a miracle and hoping that something will happen that will make things better.

Quote

Are you angry there is not more education about it (how easy it is to transmit, the stigma, the pain, the health consequences)? Education that might have made you more cautious and not get this virus?

Yes I'm angry that the media and the internet in general make it seem like it is not a big deal. "It's just a skin condition." "It's a rash that appears less and less as time goes on." "Everyone gets cold sores, it's no big deal"

Quote

Are you angry there is not more focus on a vaccine to prevent it?

Hell yes.

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IcantThinkofaName
On 2/27/2018 at 5:26 PM, Moromoro said:

How many of you think about it often and even come close to it and why?

What keeps you going and what makes you want to give up?

Are you angry there is not more education about it (how easy it is to transmit, the stigma, the pain, the health consequences)? Education that might have made you more cautious and not get this virus?

Are you angry there is not more focus on a vaccine to prevent it?

1. I think about it every day and its starting to become a real option now

2.I don't want to hurt my mother by ending my life.  The constant burning itching and tingling makes it so I cannot even sleep right now. Obs are every 2 weeks again. I am certain that the day I kill myself the cure will be available the next day. Hopelessly hoping that  there is something that will help my suffering.

3. I am angry about everything. I was pretty educated about HSV. I just trusted the wrong person who told me he didn't have it and was tested ( I specifically asked him about Hsv). I should have asked to see the  actual test results papers ( he didn't have any tests documented- 0- nada- I would have done thigns way differently if I had known that). I'm mad that its not on standard STD testing and people think it is. I am mad that Drs don't want to test for it. I am mad that most DRs don't seem to know anything about HSV- just the superficial glossing of a health class level of knowledge about it. I'm mad that its considered "no big deal" or a "mild health issue" Well it isn't for me -its an almost constant misery and Its been over a year now. I feel so unlucky. If I had it but it didn't cause so many physical problems or I was asymptomatic I might feel differently.

4. Vaccine or cure- yeah - why isn't there one or both? Because its "no big deal" and "just a minor skin condition" for most of those that have-- but thats not my reality or experience by far. This virus is really ruining my life experience now.

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BeautyLover321
21 hours ago, Pattiwack said:

This post means everything to me!  This is how I feel right now. I feel like my life is ruined and I never truly experienced being in love or anything of significance  (romantic relationship -wise)  why am I here?  To live such a miserable existence.  To hear everyone say how great a catch I am and wonder why I have no one.  And to feel ashamed. 

Ugh yes!! I feel that on a soul level. Hearing everyone say how great of a catch I am but wondering why I'm alone. It's so sad. Such a harsh reality. 

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Mackie82

Doing it very soon, I have extreme chronic nerve pain for 2 years. No one cares about us. I was very lucky to get this horrible virus from the first and the only partner in my entire life.she passed it to me knowingly. I am really struggling and suffering 24/7 with no relief. My relief is the death. Thanks 

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IcantThinkofaName
25 minutes ago, Mackie82 said:

Doing it very soon, I have extreme chronic nerve pain for 2 years. No one cares about us. I was very lucky to get this horrible virus from the first and the only partner in my entire life.she passed it to me knowingly. I am really struggling and suffering 24/7 with no relief. My relief is the death. Thanks 

Have you tried a specialist? (i'm sure you have, I just can't remember all your posts right now) There has to be a reason our bodies are acting so badly to this virus in comparison to others who have little to no symptoms.  Are you in the USA? Do you have health insurance? What are your drs saying to you?

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Mackie82
47 minutes ago, IcantThinkofaName said:

Have you tried a specialist? (i'm sure you have, I just can't remember all your posts right now) There has to be a reason our bodies are acting so badly to this virus in comparison to others who have little to no symptoms.  Are you in the USA? Do you have health insurance? What are your drs saying to you?

I am not in the USA, but I have done million thing in order to eliminate/ reduce the pain with no success. I don’t have financial problems my problem is the underlying cause of my pain is untreatable ( the herpes). Whatever you could imagine meds/ MRI,s CT,s scan, acupuncture, physiotherapy, vitamins, Russian herpes vaccine. Still the pain in unbearable. I quite my job, 24/7 in bed and all of this because of the pain which is caused by the herpes and they are still calling it skin condition. It’s hell on the body I am firing 24/7. I can’t find any reason/ hope to hang in. I am just waiting for some arrangement. I have enough pills to kill elephant.nothing is stoping or reducing this horrible pain I am fucked that’s it. So why I have to keep on suffering since I Have the death option( anyways I am scared of death since it’s for everybody)thanks 

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IcantThinkofaName
32 minutes ago, Mackie82 said:

I am not in the USA, but I have done million thing in order to eliminate/ reduce the pain with no success. I don’t have financial problems my problem is the underlying cause of my pain is untreatable ( the herpes). Whatever you could imagine meds/ MRI,s CT,s scan, acupuncture, physiotherapy, vitamins, Russian herpes vaccine. Still the pain in unbearable. I quite my job, 24/7 in bed and all of this because of the pain which is caused by the herpes and they are still calling it skin condition. It’s hell on the body I am firing 24/7. I can’t find any reason/ hope to hang in. I am just waiting for some arrangement. I have enough pills to kill elephant.nothing is stoping or reducing this horrible pain I am fucked that’s it. So why I have to keep on suffering since I Have the death option( anyways I am scared of death since it’s for everybody)thanks 

 Maybe I should PM you.

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Pattiwack
23 hours ago, Mackie82 said:

I am not in the USA, but I have done million thing in order to eliminate/ reduce the pain with no success. I don’t have financial problems my problem is the underlying cause of my pain is untreatable ( the herpes). Whatever you could imagine meds/ MRI,s CT,s scan, acupuncture, physiotherapy, vitamins, Russian herpes vaccine. Still the pain in unbearable. I quite my job, 24/7 in bed and all of this because of the pain which is caused by the herpes and they are still calling it skin condition. It’s hell on the body I am firing 24/7. I can’t find any reason/ hope to hang in. I am just waiting for some arrangement. I have enough pills to kill elephant.nothing is stoping or reducing this horrible pain I am fucked that’s it. So why I have to keep on suffering since I Have the death option( anyways I am scared of death since it’s for everybody)thanks 

Have you or anyone else looked into Dr. Sebi herbal therapy?  It is expensive (very) and it takes extreme discipline. I think I may try it.  I'm sorry you are in constant pain.  Min have always been mild, which fed into my delusion that perhaps it is something else and that I'm fine.  I hope you find a better way.

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WilsoInAus

Please note that Dr Sebi and associated products have been found to be fraudulent.

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Kitkat486

I was diagnosed a year and a half ago. I've only had 2 outbreaks ever. Unfortunately I was fresh out of an 8 year long mentally abusive relationship when I was given herpes by someone who knew he had it. So mentally I wasn't stable and had been depressed for years, the diagnosis was the most horrible thing that could have happened. Even being outbreak free I can't seem to get away from it mentally. 

Men often say they don't mind that I have herpes. And we date. Then 2 months later they admit to being super paranoid about catching it and disappear on me. Mentally and emotionally it's very exhausting. I think about suicide sometimes. I would never do it tho. I'm a single mom with a kid who wouldn't understand

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Mackie82
15 minutes ago, Kitkat486 said:

I was diagnosed a year and a half ago. I've only had 2 outbreaks ever. Unfortunately I was fresh out of an 8 year long mentally abusive relationship when I was given herpes by someone who knew he had it. So mentally I wasn't stable and had been depressed for years, the diagnosis was the most horrible thing that could have happened. Even being outbreak free I can't seem to get away from it mentally. 

Men often say they don't mind that I have herpes. And we date. Then 2 months later they admit to being super paranoid about catching it and disappear on me. Mentally and emotionally it's very exhausting. I think about suicide sometimes. I would never do it tho. I'm a single mom with a kid who wouldn't understand

If you don’t have daily symptoms and almost ob’s free then why you are thinking about suicide . Stay strong and look after your kid. In regards of the men and dating : most of the men are looking for sex so after having what they want they will use the herpes as an excuse which is not true. They just want to disappear anyways. This is your duty to choose the right person who loves you , who wants to be with you , and won’t disappear even after 20 years. Please feel free to PM if you would like to know more details why some one like me is giving up . Thanks 

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DD2018

I’ve been struggling too. I was stupid and careless and slept with someone I knew I shouldn’t. So dumb I listened to him talk about his promiscuity, believed him when he said he gets “regularly tested”, and still slept with him without a condom on. I’m angry at myself. I live in a smaller community where everyone knows everyone. I can’t bring myself to tell him, because i think he was lying. And I see him around. I drive right by his house everyday on my commute to work. The worst part is I know he’ll be sleeping with other girls, I don’t want anyone else to suffer like this but with this guy I’d have to make a public announcement and the last thing I want is for people to know I have herpes. I think about ending my life all of the time. I don’t see my worth, but there’s a lot more to that then just the herpes. Things in my life are just piling up and this one totally sent me for a tailspin into a majorly dark place. I’m trying to see the light at the end of the tunnel, I am but...I’m just not sure. My life feels like it’s at a stand still on so many levels. I wish this wasn’t my reality.  

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PrettyUglyGirl

I'm new here but I've had genital herpes for five years. Like everyone here, I wish there was a functional cure. I was really looking forward to having something this year but I can wait as long as it happens before I get too old. I hate the stigma but I've learned to hold my head up high. I'm also more attracted to guys who have baggage because I have huge baggage. I' m a single mom and I have herpes. I have to tell myself everyday that life is not about sex. It's about experiences and happiness. For those who are in physical pain, I have some advice. I'm not a doctor but I suggest you take acyclovir three times a day, drink lots of water, eat less sugar, shower daily, sleep 8 hours at night, meditate. Do strength exercise, don't scratch breakouts, and take care of your looks to make you look good on the outside. Take deep breaths and smile as much ad posible. Watching comedy makes me smile.

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Frasier

1. Herpes should be part of the regular std checkup. It is a crime that it is not when you see the suffering it causes. Frankly after HIV herpes is the worst one In my opinion.

2. People need to be better educated about herpes (both students and adults alike). There should be a public awareness campaign. The stigma is real, none of us want this horrible virus (1&2).

I find watching Frasier is the only thing that calms me and makes me smile at all these dark days.

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Frasier
Posted (edited)
On 3/13/2018 at 2:51 AM, Mackie82 said:

Doing it very soon, I have extreme chronic nerve pain for 2 years. No one cares about us. I was very lucky to get this horrible virus from the first and the only partner in my entire life.she passed it to me knowingly. I am really struggling and suffering 24/7 with no relief. My relief is the death. Thanks 

Trying to message you but I think your box is full.

i am mid 40’s and have always been in perfect health but this newly acquired virus has destroyed me. I fear I will not last long dealing with this as the pain is non stop.

Edited by Frasier

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Frasier

I thin this will be my last year on this planet.  It sure how yet but I’m done. I cannot believe I’ve done this to myself. No kids, no family, nothing left.

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WilsoInAus
3 hours ago, Frasier said:

I thin this will be my last year on this planet.  It sure how yet but I’m done. I cannot believe I’ve done this to myself. No kids, no family, nothing left.

Do you have herpes?

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Frasier
28 minutes ago, WilsoInAus said:

Do you have herpes?

This is a herpes forum right? 

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