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Duped@51

Scared confused depressed

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Duped@51

Hi I'm new here. Recently diagnosed in December. I'm 46 years old and devastated was married over 20 years. Then in a bad relationship for 7 years. On again off again. He would leave begging to come back each time. Last March felt something wasn't right at all. Have been tested every year full panel blood tests due to his drug history and alcohol abuse. I know stupid to take him back each time but we have a child together.

Have hsv1 and hsv2 I've cried until I cannot cry anymore. How do I tell him to get tested? And have him own up to this? He's lied about not being with anyone else his family on the other hand says differently. He's 51.

Feel at this age my life is over. Not into starting dating at all. 

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WilsoInAus

Yup 40s, prime of our lives, right!?!

Before you go in though, exactly which test was positive and what exact results?

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Duped@51

It was Igg hsv1 and hsv2. Both were positive. Have only had 1 outbreak back in March that I thought was ingrown hair so pushed it off. Then had another outbreak in December went to ob/gyn. Who ran all tests for stis at my request once again as found out ex was using more illicit drugs.

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WilsoInAus
Posted (edited)

Do you have the values?

It is overdue for him to be exited from your life. I cannot really see how this guy can be a partner with whom you can have a fulfilling relationship.

The reality is that probably half of dating women over 40 have HSV-2 and mature men understand this.

Edited by WilsoInAus

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Duped@51

We are no longer together. He left in May of last year. I have been busy being a mom. 

I have wanted to confront him but I'm still angered but concerned as well what if he's infecting others? Should it concern me? I know how devastated I am. Never thought this would be me always been committed in my relationships even if not together felt that in my heart couldn't stray. 

Respect my child. 

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WilsoInAus

I mean do you have the actual values for HSV-1 and HSV-2 from your tests?

My personal view is absolutely do not raise the issue with this person. They are responsible for their own health. Equally anyone who chooses to have a relationship with him is responsible for their own actions. There is nothing preventing someone requesting HSV testing before sexual activity occurs. There is little doubt that opening that can of worms is simply not worth it in terms of your future outlook.

 

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Duped@51

My Dr didn't give me values just a phone call of your positive. 

Yes I agree just move on in certain terms I guess.

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WilsoInAus

I truly recommend you obtain the full tests results so you know exactly what you have and how you might disclose.

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Duped@51

So how do I do that? Sorry new to this so confused. All Dr said was positive for both. And suggested daily suppressive therapy. 

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WilsoInAus

Ask for a full printout of your STD tests for disclosure purposes to potential partners. I invite you to be curious about a blood test result in the absence of swabbed lesions.

Daily therapy is generally only required in circumstances such as high outbreak frequency or agreement to use them to reduce transmission risk to a partner.

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Duped@51

Makes sense will be making a trip to drs to ask for a print out. I have read alot about false positives and was concerned about yep your positive....like hmmmm ok left sobbing after the phone call thinking but how what when

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WilsoInAus

Can well understand, hope the light of day brings a new horizon and determination to be well on top of things.

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Duped@51

Thank you i appreciate it....Have so wanted to talk to someone who understands but the fear of being judged the feeling of shame etc. Is overwhelming 

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Duped@51

@WilsoInAus so after contacting Dr to no avail no values just said Igg means have been exposed to that 50% chance false positive?

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WilsoInAus

It seems like you may have had an immunoblot style IgG test that has only positive or negative results. The same false positive issues exist with this test as the ELISA based tests.

Is it clear that you had two tests one for HSV-1 and one for HSV-2 or maybe a combined HSV 1/2?

I guess two options to gain more of an understanding: A Herpeselect ELISA IgG test or a Westernblot. Note that based on all you have said and the test result the chances of you having HSV-2 are at least 50%. I am suggesting be curious; calling things straight there's a good chance you'll be seeing positive.

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Duped@51

@WilsoInAus it was stated that drs don't like to test for this because of the 50% chance of false positives. Ughhhh!

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WilsoInAus

Some doctors might think that and they are exaggerating a bit. However if you push tbey have to give it to you.

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Duped@51

@WilsoInAusThank you. Believe me I am trying. I guess with numbers it's more realistic.

Thousands of questions running through my brain. Did he know? Does he have or had an outbreak? How could he lie...I've not been with anyone just you... I guess it's just frustration, anger the why me? I've always been careful but then the why did I believe him. 

I'm sure you hear all of this alot..Thank you for listening

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