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New here- could do with some advice after check-up

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Hi there,

I'm a new member- I've been looking for somewhere to talk after a bit of a shock at the sexual health clinic today. 

Sorry if this post gets quite long. To give you some backstory around three years ago I had severe health anxiety about getting herpes. I'd just started a new relationship and when I went for a regular check-up I decided to do some reading on herpes, not realising that it would then cause awful anxiety. I was worrying heaps that I might get it without knowing, or already have it. I even had to see a counsellor about it as my whole life was dominated by my worries. 

Anyway, fast forward three years later and I have broken up with my long-term partner. There hasn't been anyone else. After a bout of thrush (or what I thought was thrush) a couple of weeks ago I decide it's about time to go for another check up. The nurse takes a look at me and says the external skin looks very healthy, but when she looks inside the vagina she sees some tears near the cervix. A huge shock comes to me when she says it could be herpes, and does some swabs. She wasn't sure, and was a bit confused by the tears ('it doesn't look typical of the herpes virus'), so as well as the swabs I have to go back in on Monday to see a senior doctor. 

This has really destroyed me. My external itching, which went away after treating it with thrush medication, disappeared a week ago, but now I'm not sure if it was thrush at all, and it was actually another symptom of the could-be-herpes. I feel absolutely distraught at the prospect of having herpes and all my anxiety, which I managed to overcome after a hard year in 2015, has come right back. How am I supposed to start dating again if I have this? I'm insecure enough without having herpes as a potential barrier as well.

I can't believe that what I've feared more than any other condition is now defeating me. I don't know what to do and could really use some advice/ support. Have any other women had a similar surprising situation at the clinic? How do you cope with the anxiety while waiting for test results? What else is there to look for if it is an internal outbreak, or what else could it be?

I know there's nothing I can do until the test results come back but this has been such a shock that I felt I had to talk about it somewhere. I really don't know what to do and feel I can't live with this if it is herpes. Thank you

Edited by awkard129

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I was kinda ignorant towards the whole STD/STI situation before actually getting one myself. I didn't go for check-ups as often as I should have but I thought but I was always very precautious with sex. I've never had unprotected sex and I'm on the pill so never a chance in hell I thought this sort of thing would happen to me. So, I started dated my current boyfriend back in early December and before him I was in a 1year relationship that ended last April and I wasn't sexually active between April/December so yeah. Anyway about a week ago I started  feeling intense pain and itchiness in the downstairs area so I took a shower but nothing seemed odd, I mean one two bumps but they were just ingrown hair so I thought it would just go away over night, except it didn't.. I started googling what could be wrong with me and the only constant. theory that popped up was herpes so I was just freaking out to be honest.. I only told my boyfriend I was going to the doctor for stomach pains cause I felt embarrassed. So I went to the doctor, she took a look and said it looked like herpes and. I just broke down in tears, I couldn't get a single word out. She. asked me what happened, and I told her what I said in the beginning and basically she said that my current boyfriend must have given it to me through oral sex because a cold sore or blister on the lip is HSV-1, so that was her theory. I went to his house told him the truth and he broke down crying apologising, saying that it was his fault etc.. I told him not to blame himself, neither of us really knew so there's no-one to blame. I've just gotten the. tests done and I'm still waiting for the results, I'm still hoping it will all come back negative even though I'm certain it's not.. 

Anyway, where I was going with this is about 5 years ago I was extremely depressed,  I got over it (thank god) and have been doing much better. A few days after going to the. doctors, I. felt myself falling back into the same depressive state I was in previously. Thankfully my boyfriend and my mother noticed and were extremely supportive and caring. What I'm trying to say is you need to surround yourself with kind, supportive and caring people to make yourself feel better towards the whole situation, there's no point in caving in because either way, we're stuck with it.. So we shouldn't let a stupid virus like this ruin. our lives.

Hope you feel better,

lots of love xxx

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