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xxxgirl

How to get over the fear of giving your partner herpes

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xxxgirl

Hey guys, so I recently started seeing this new guy and we had the talk the other night and it went amazingly well. He told me it didn't matter at all to him and he liked me too much to let that stop him from seeing me. He went home and did his own research and last night we had sex for the first time. He didn't seem particularly concerned with using a condom but I was not going to risk his health so we used one and it was great! This was my first disclosure since diagnosis and I'm so happy it went well. What I am struggling with is the aftermath of just worrying constantly that I've given him this. I am on suppressive therapy and we were safe but I can't shake the thought and just feel really upset and scared. Im freaking out because I have this tiny bump and I'm like holy shit is this an outbreak I honestly can't tell sometimes if things are ingrown hairs, pimples, sores because they all look similar and now anything I see I always think its herpes. I was wondering how after sex with your negative partner are you able to just be happy and not fretting 24/7 you may have passed this virus on to someone you care about. I know he took the risk and he understands the risks involved but I feel like a lot of the time people always think it won't happen to them. Im also a little afraid because this is a recent infection I know I am more contagious than I would be after about a year. I just want any tips how to cope/deal with the negative thoughts that keep creeping into my mind. Im doing everything to protect him but nothing is a guarantee and I would feel horrible if he contracted this after all my precautions. :( Its a tough situation.

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Joel Jameson

I wouldn't stress yourself out with what ifs. You completely disclosed your situation to your partner and he knows the risks involved and it's obviously not a problem for him. At least you're aware that you have it and you are taking the proper precautions to not spread it to him. Of course anything can happen, but at least you're being cautious. That's something you'd both have to deal with if and when it happens. Don't let this define you or your sex life. Have fun and enjoy yourselves as long as you are cautious and refrain from sexual activities when you feel an outbreak coming. That's all you really can do. Don't live your life in fear over it, because then you'll never truly enjoy those intimate moments. Best of luck! I'm sure it'll be fine since you're on suppressive therapy. Plus you're being cautious.

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LillianPanos

Me too told him we both did our research. I try not to worry I take my meds and try not to worry about him getting infected. 2 years this week with infection and h2. Met him by chance after breaking up with giver. @xxxgirl

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Joel Jameson

It's good that you're both informed, just enjoy your relationship. Everything happens for a reason, you're doing the right thing by being open about it. I know how frustrating it can be. I have oral HSV-1 and not sure whether or not I have it genitally. Take it from me though constantly worrying about it won't help anything, if anything stressing about it will cause more outbreaks. There seems to be a lot of good people on here that want to help each other going through the same thing that will definitely help you cope with your situation. Just knowing you're not alone in this helps a lot. 

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Jimmyjimmyhuapua

Mm you know there will always be risk of giving it to partner even with condom and antivirals if he accepted the situation and risk then dont bother urself. You are not one who is trying to hide ur condition from partners. Ofc try your best and avoid infecting. But dont blame u if he is infected

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    • viralfrog
      Having HSV-2 has not bothered me at all for casual sex. I'm just avoiding sex during outbreaks, on suppressive therapy and using condoms every time with casual partners. Since my outbreaks appear on top of my penis, even during an outbreak the risk is minimal if I put a condom on as soon as I take my underwear off.  I guess it might be a slightly different case for a girl as if you have external lesions around your groin you could still infect someone even using a condom. And of course, condoms can break, which has happened to me over 10 times and caused myself to get infected in the first place.  I see it as a much more difficult now having a serious relationship, because I can't feel much with a condom on and really want stop using them. However, I don't want to put my new girlfriend to any risk - I would feel terrible if I infected her. 
    • viralfrog
      Does anyone have experience about people's reactions to Herpes in Asia? Personally I live in Thailand where I also caught the virus as a condom broke 4 years ago.  Unfortunately I infected my ex-girlfriend with HSV-2. This was just after I had caught the virus myself and we had sex before I noticed and realised what it was. In the beginning, a local doctor told me I have just hurt my foreskin with my jeans' zipper and the tests came as negative. After getting tested later it came as positive.  Anyways, my ex-gf (well educated, professional, 26 years old then) she had no idea what Herpes was in the first place. She didn't really care too much about it and didn't bother to get tested. During our 3 year relationship we kept having unprotected sex as usual and she never had any issues until at the end one day. She had a very minor outbreak once and nothing after that (lucky her, no like myself who gets terrible symptoms non-stop). I know she has a strong immune system, because she was never sick despite myself having bad colds quite often. In any case, she could not care less about this virus and didn't mind at all.

      I've seen a lot of hysteria surrounding Herpes in Europe and the US. What has been your experience in South-East Asian countries like Thailand? Do people perceive HSV-2 as a worrying disease? 
    • Burty
      The full article is behind a paywall but you could write the the authors and request a copy.
    • OFMDH
      The jury is still out as there needs to be additional experiments. Editas' results make me believe dosing was insufficient among other issues.
    • moialbalushi
      Wow interesting !! But how did they provide it to him !! I mean he is 27 years old !!
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