I think I need to treat this as an ocd thought (that I've got herpes) and not check myself compulsively, not seek constant reassurance from doctors and the internet, just try and forget about it.
Re disclosure, I would tell future partners that i could have hsv but I don't know, all the visual examinations and tests I've had have come back negative but there's still a possibility that i have herpes. Then they can decide whether to take the risk. I always assume someone is positive for everything unless there are tests to prove otherwise. I don't do casual relationships so always get a full sexual health screening with my new partner so we can both be safe. But they could have herpes and not know as it's not routinely checked for. It's a risk for all parties involved.
I spoke to herpes.org.uk helpline and Marion told me that blood tests are routinely bringing up false positives/negatives and that having the virus doesn't predict when and where you're going to have an ob. I therefore wouldn't trust the result of the test and would be repeatedly getting tested, as I did when my hiv ocd was really bad. That was a hugely stressful and anxious time and I don't want to go through that again!! Especially for a virus that can't kill you!!
So I think I'm going to have to live with the uncertainty of having herpes obs and avoid sexual contact whenever I feel sore down below if/when I'm in a relationship.
Being on this forum is just exacerbating my Ocd, so I think that I should stop posting as it's reassurance-seeking.
Wishing you all the best and thank you all for your help, advice and support. Remember - it's just a virus that billions of people have and doesn't make us dirty or unworthy of love or a good life. Stay safe and well xx