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How to Have a Normal Sex Life When My Boyfriend and I BOTH have Genital Herpes??

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Greetings! I just signed up for this forum, I am hoping to receive much needed support and answers. My boyfriend was not aware he had genital herpes, and unfortunately passed it on to me. My first, and horrible outbreak was about two weeks ago :noway:.  I was under the assumption that because we both have genital herpes, that our sex life should not be complicated. However, we were intimate a few days ago, and it felt like I was starting to get an outbreak! I am currently on my outbreak medication, that has stopped the outbreak. I am shocked as to what my doctor told me about my boyfriend and I having this together. She said that he can keep giving me new outbreaks, because he is infected with genital herpes as well. He has absolutely no symptoms, ever. I would REALLY appreciate sound advice as to how my boyfriend and I should go about being safely intimate with one another. It breaks my heart to think that we won't have a satisfying sex life anymore, if we have to use protection every time?? Secondly, is it normal to get your first outbreak after your initial outbreak a few weeks later? Not to be gross, but I should disclose I am getting over my monthly when the outbreak occurred, and have heard that getting your period could cause an outbreak. Please help....Thank you!!! :sign-thanks:

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You are quite correct in that as you both have the same herpes type, there are no issues regarding further infection once you immune system is established. It is quite common for the first few months to include a number of outbreaks while the immune system is kicking in. Once all that is firing along, you are unable to induce outbreaks on account of simply having the virus. However there can be issues of friction during sex etc. that may weaken the immune responses at the site of the irritation. I'd suggest more lubrication for a while.

It also sounds like HSV-1 from your prtner's oral infection is a possibility here. Does he get oral cold sores? Did you receive oral sex in the days before the outbreak?

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Try a Lysine supplement for cold sores

  • The Hive is Thriving!

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    • Burty
      Coming back to report that after vaccinations in May and July, today I have one vesicle. Called the doctor and will report back later. Slightly pessimistic at this point. 
    • Cariad
      I think I need to treat this as an ocd thought (that I've got herpes) and not check myself compulsively, not seek constant reassurance from doctors and the internet, just try and forget about it. Re disclosure, I would tell future partners that i could have hsv but I don't know, all the visual examinations and tests I've had have come back negative but there's still a possibility that i have herpes. Then they can decide whether to take the risk. I always assume someone is positive for everything unless there are tests to prove otherwise. I don't do casual relationships so always get a full sexual health screening with my new partner so we can both be safe. But they could have herpes and not know as it's not routinely checked for. It's a risk for all parties involved. I spoke to herpes.org.uk helpline and Marion told me that blood tests are routinely bringing up false positives/negatives and that having the virus doesn't predict when and where you're going to have an ob. I therefore wouldn't trust the result of the test and would be repeatedly getting tested, as I did when my hiv ocd was really bad. That was a hugely stressful and anxious time and I don't want to go through that again!! Especially for a virus that can't kill you!! So I think I'm going to have to live with the uncertainty of having herpes obs and avoid sexual contact whenever I feel sore down below if/when I'm in a relationship.  Being on this forum is just exacerbating my Ocd, so I think that I should stop posting as it's reassurance-seeking. Wishing you all the best and thank you all for your help, advice and support. Remember - it's just a virus that billions of people have and doesn't make us dirty or unworthy of love or a good life. Stay safe and well xx
    • WilsoInAus
      And I’ll help you up until the second coming. I think this is an unhealthy dose of imaginitis as far as herpes is concerned. Wouldn’t you agree?
    • WilsoInAus
      Yes man that’s correct. I mean we don’t really want more people in the delusional room with mirrors that see nothing, do we?
    • WilsoInAus
      There’s nothing visually or in what you describe that is suggestive of herpes. See your doctor if you have concerns, there’s plenty of things on the list of possibilities here.

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