How do you strike a balance between remaining unemotional in delivering a disclosure speak and any subsequent questions and being honest about how it has affected you emotionally?
For me, the emotional fallout of dealing with HSV has had a huge impact and I find it hard to rationally think about how I would deal with this and all the stress of worrying about transmission without letting on how much I am thinking about it – to not scare the other person away and make them think HSV is something to worry about.
I would want to inform a partner yet enable them to think about it with as little negativity as possible, and yet how could I do this if I was being honest about how I really feel about it?
And if I couldn't be honest about my journey with it, would that in itself cause more resentment, anger and bitterness? This time directed at the virus itself not the person that gave it to me?
In essence, for me, dealing with HSV on an emotional level wouldn’t end after a successful disclosure where someone wanted to be in a relationship with me. It’s not the end of the story.
I've always had an anxiety and I've been seeing a counseller for two years now, as a result of getting HSV. It's not helping.
How to navigate a relationship where both people have HSV2 genital and one caught HSV2 oral from the other?!?!By mcf1971
I have genital hsv2 and started dating someone who also had genital hsv2 a couple of months ago. I've had it for 18 months and he already had it for 27 years. I haven't been on antivirals because I only had the initial outbreak and 1 more mild one during this time. He was aware of that when we got into this relationship and was not worried about it but, unfortunately I believe I transmitted hsv2 to his oral area when he performed oral sex on me. Then he freaked out, I don't blame him...it was a bad outbreak. He now says that he is afraid of going down on me and doesn't know if we will be able to get passed that. This happened over the past couple of week and I discovered that he already started to check out the positive singles website again. I'm so sad!! I realize that there is a high chance that I passed this to him so now I have hsv2 genital and he has both oral and genital.
Another issue is that when we started to get intimate, I got tested for other sexually transmitted diseases and asked him to do the same. He dismissed me saying that he was very busy and was going to get to it "as soon as possible." I reminded him about the std testing after all this and he was still dismissive. If there is one thing I learned from this is that from now on I will have a conversation about sexual health/safety before even touching them! It's crazy how it's so much easier to have sex before these conversations.
What to do?
Should I get on antivirals?
Should he get on antivirals?
Or both of us?
If I have an hsv2 genital outbreak or shedding and I don't realize it, can the other person get an outbreak when they are already positive in that area?
Is there hope for us? Could he just be looking at the site because he is confused or he wasn't that interested to begin with?
A good compilation of ongoing clinical trials for herpes is on this website:
I also like this site for an idea of what's currently being funded by the NIH/NIAID. You can also view all of their publications on HSV:
Hi, I’ve read somewhere that woman who has herpes(in the past) then got pregnant, are unlikely to pass the virus to her offspring because her body send the passive antibodies through the placenta which protecting her newborn from the virus during the labour. Now, if it’s true.. how long that antibodies remains in the baby’s body? Is it that’s mean the baby won’t contract herpes in the future? For example = I had herpes(GSHV2) years before my pregnancy, had multiple outbreaks during my pregnancy and baby were born healthy. After the birth.. is my baby still has protection from the virus? If yes, how long?? Thank you.
I've seen a various posts across various forums regarding disclosing (or not) and have seen a bit of a trend in people thinking that it's 'hard to pass' with one encounter (lol) condoms make it impossible to pass, blah blah blah. So let's just try to compile some short & sweet answers to some basic H transmissions stories and questions...Could be helpful in many ways to lots of people!
1. Did your giver: show symptoms / asymptomatic / disclose H to you?
2. Protected or unprotected? Oral/vaginal/anal?
3. How many encountrs with giver? (time frame of encounters ie. one weekend of several months?)
4. How were you diagnosed? (swab or blood test)
5. Are you a symptomatic carrier (showed signs ie. outbreak) or asymptomatic (never showed signs, diagnosed by blood work)
6. How long from sexual exposure did you start to show symptoms?
7. How long did your primary outbreak last? How frequent have your recurrences been? (ie. one a month/year?)
8. How long have you been H+?
9. Are you on antivirals only during outbreak or suppressive therapy? Or have you gone the natural route?
10. Words or wisdom/support for newbies?
I'll go first...
1. No visible signs of H. Asymptomatic carrier not diagnosed with at the time so no disclosure.
2. Unprotected vaginal/oral.
3. 2x in a weekend (Friday night and Sunday morning)
4. Positive swab test during terrify primary outbreak.
5. Symptomatic HSV2+
6. Friday/Sunday sex; initial first symptoms started Tuesday and quickly got aggressive. (in hospital by next Sunday)
7. OB lasted a few weeks. Cleared up, then I had a couple minor recurrences due to alcohol in following weeks but MINOR in comparison (just more annoying not excruciatingly painful) still working through this ATM.
8. I was infected Mar9/18 - diagnosed with Mar23/18.
9. Antivirals during primary OB; lots of supplements and vitamins every day now and have changed my diet.
10. It does get better. Not back to normal better, but better. Take care of yourself and do whatever it needs for you to heal physically and emotionally. Find a good friend/family member/counsellor to confide in to help lessen the burden you are carrying. Get wine drunk with a friend and cry all night. Go to the top of a mountain and scream at the top of your lungs. Amazon shop till you max out your credit card buying things that make you happy.
Hope this can help some peope!
Love & light everyone! x
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