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I need advice from anyone in a stable marriage


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I just got what I am calling first OB last week.   I'm stunned, depressed, sick...  list goes on and on.    Had several partners before marriage .. been married for 15 years.   I've never cheated.  Don't think he's cheated or he even was with anyone before me.  But I wouldn't bet my life on any one other my own actions.     But he's a pretty good guy and promises he has not.    I'm in so much pain, I can't breath hardly.   Dr says it's for sure herpes.  I am awaiting test results.    Started Valtrex.  I can't even hardly look at my husband now.   He's being so sweet and worrried about me but I just want this to go away.    Help please.  Where do you go from here? Does he for sure need tested ?  I don't want to make him sick if he's not and now that I'm having OBs I'm afraid I'll make him sick if I ever have sex with him again.   Tests sound like they won't show if he's already carrying it if he's not symptomatic...  ???   Im afraid my kids are carrying without knowing now.     Want to die almost.   How do I go back to my church and my work like this isn't taking over my life ??  

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U  eventually will .. you need to take control if mind it will mess with u. Somewhat same situation  have been with my husband for about 20 years doc sd we must of been havi g it for a while like b fore him or him before me.. the good.thing is that u have a suppprtive husband so do I.  I know ur mind right now is.making u dizzy do.nt  Let it. take deep breaths..control ur breathing. And about ur kids I did worry to they don' show signed had them both vaginal.... that is the only thing that worries me  .. cause I just found out in 11/2017

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Thank you. I find myself trying to take control because I know deep down I have to but then I get alone and lose it again.    I'm on vacation this week and I'm really struggling.   How long before you all had sex after you found out?? Has he ever had symptoms ?

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7 hours ago, Igiveup said:

I just got what I am calling first OB last week.   I'm stunned, depressed, sick...  list goes on and on.    Had several partners before marriage .. been married for 15 years.   I've never cheated.  Don't think he's cheated or he even was with anyone before me.  But I wouldn't bet my life on any one other my own actions.     But he's a pretty good guy and promises he has not.    I'm in so much pain, I can't breath hardly.   Dr says it's for sure herpes.  I am awaiting test results.    Started Valtrex.  I can't even hardly look at my husband now.   He's being so sweet and worrried about me but I just want this to go away.    Help please.  Where do you go from here? Does he for sure need tested ?  I don't want to make him sick if he's not and now that I'm having OBs I'm afraid I'll make him sick if I ever have sex with him again.   Tests sound like they won't show if he's already carrying it if he's not symptomatic...  ???   Im afraid my kids are carrying without knowing now.     Want to die almost.   How do I go back to my church and my work like this isn't taking over my life ??  

Hey there, Could I just try to put things in a little perspective. You have seen oral cold sores around right? Every Sunday at Church at least a few people are sporting a small lip sore right/ Maybe your husband has in the past?

I very common scenario here is that your husband has an oral HSV-1 infection, the cold sore virus and infected you genitally through oral sex.

In any event, in a little time, you will see how this does not need to change a single aspect of your wonderful life!

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I never see lip sores hardly.  Or maybe I've never noticed. But lip sores isn't what I'm dealing with . I can't hardly walk or sit down.  It's awful.  I'm so ashamed.    I'd say I got infected with one of the guys I had unprotected sex with many years ago. .  And now I've put my whole family at risk ...  ugh.  

 

Thankful for the replies and support.  I don't mean to sound so hopelesss but I really can't help it.  It's so bad. I've gotten a bad cold now and my head hurts constantly  . I'm on fire down below, feel like constantly having discharge now . Itching on my hips and even scalp and back   ..  can't wipe without crying ...  

 

 

.

Edited by Igiveup
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  • 2 weeks later...

I can feel you.. I’m at the same situation.. happily married and blessed with a new addition to our family. But this virus devastating me.. every single second in my life I couldn’t feel safe.. I’m afraid I’m gonna infect my husband or my newborn..

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1 hour ago, Vega said:

I'm 63. Married 43 years. Never strayed until 2016. Diagnosed in 17. This man doesn't have them!!!  Can this virus lay dormant & come alive? 

Are you separated from your husband?

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There is one sure way to tell if you just got this or it has been laying dormant.    Get an IGG blood test right now.   If you test negative for antibodies you have a new infection.   If your antibodies are higher you have had it awhile and just having your initial outbreak.   You need to also know if you have type 1 or type 2

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