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Spicycupcake

Can you have unprotected sex with a partner who is HSV-2 negative?

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Spicycupcake

Hey all,

I'm kinda new to this and have a question about being in a long-term relationship with someone who is HSV-2 negative.

So there is someone I'm hoping to date (haven't disclosed yet) and I'm hoping he will like me enough to still want to go ahead once he hears I have HSV-2.

So, crucial to the story is that I have a genetic disorder that means I cannot take the birth control pill, and hence have to use condoms. 

So, my question is, if I'm taking anti-virals and he is HSV negative, obviously we have to use condoms for actual intercourse (so as to avoid pregnancy) but does it mean that there can be no genital skin to skin contact whatsoever at all? What is the chance of me passing it on to him if I'm on the meds but we fool around without a condom? 

I just have a feeling that always having to wear a condom to even touch somebody is going to be a deal breaker for him and most guys. Any advice on this from people in relationships with non-H partners would be so very appreciated!

Many thanks!

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confusedpremed

Hi Spicycupcake, 

So basically, you should limit contact with areas of your body that will shed HSV-2. For guys, it's usually just the penis and sometimes scrotum, but for women (due to anatomical differences) shedding usually extends from the vagina down the perineum to the anus. What that means is that, to be totally safe, your potential SO shouldn't make contact with that area with his bare penis. However, performing oral sex or mutual masturbation should be totally fine, as long as he doesn't, say, touch the potential shedding areas then directly touch his penis after without hand-washing. Hope this helps!

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Constant Diplomat

Yeah the above post is true- but I would like to add that contact does not automatically mean transmission. It would depend on how much you shed. The studies show average shedding rates, I think its like 15%-30% percent of the time, though I may be wrong. I suspect that the details of each patient would likely reveal that those who have less frequent (or no) outbreaks, probably shed much less. Valtrex was shown to reduce shedding in 'asymptomatic' patients by up to 70%, as opposed to the older studies on symptomatic patients which showed about 50% reduction in shedding.

Condoms are more effective for an H+ male to protect his H- female partner, less so for protecting an H- man from an H+ woman, I think this is owing to the surface area and mucosa flesh of a Vagina... but sex without condoms and it's risk, I think you are the only person who can probably answer your question accurately. We can only give average risks and rates, and our own experiences.

Do you get frequent outbreaks?

I've just come out of a year and a half maybe close to two year relationship and she is still H-. Tested recently. We mostly used condoms, probably had unprotected sex ten times, and there was always a bit of rubbing of genitals without condoms (which always made me a little nervous to be honest). I used valtrex daily for the majority of our relationship, condoms 90% of the time or more, I've never had a real breakout, but I've had the hot skin tender feeling probably three times in the last three years since I got herpes. I would say my experience is minor, and I probably don't shed on the higher side of the average.

I learned to use condoms. But the feeling going in without one, the very few times i've done it in the past three years, was amazing.

Thats my humble opinion.

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Quest
Posted (edited)

My bf hates condoms and we went without one for a year (I thought std testing covered the top 5 STDs. NOPE. I wanted to puke when I found out I had herpes) we finally found one he likes Sagami .002 large polyisoprene. if he is over 6'' the large condoms will be very tight. Just info, they run smaller than American condoms and I get mine out of Canada amazon.ca because they are hard to find in the USA without paying an arm and a leg for them. I can save about 6 dollars per box of 12 doing it this way. I have a condom chart with the sizes and thickness if you want it. He has hsv I and I have hsv2. We have been having sex for over 5 years. 

He was cranky before we found the correct condom. It is a good idea anyway because HPV is so prevalent in society. 

Edited by Quest

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Spicycupcake
24 minutes ago, Constant Diplomat said:

Yeah the above post is true- but I would like to add that contact does not automatically mean transmission. It would depend on how much you shed. The studies show average shedding rates, I think its like 15%-30% percent of the time, though I may be wrong. I suspect that the details of each patient would likely reveal that those who have less frequent (or no) outbreaks, probably shed much less. Valtrex was shown to reduce shedding in 'asymptomatic' patients by up to 70%, as opposed to the older studies on symptomatic patients which showed about 50% reduction in shedding.

Condoms are more effective for an H+ male to protect his H- female partner, less so for protecting an H- man from an H+ woman, I think this is owing to the surface area and mucosa flesh of a Vagina... but sex without condoms and it's risk, I think you are the only person who can probably answer your question accurately. We can only give average risks and rates, and our own experiences.

Do you get frequent outbreaks?

I've just come out of a year and a half maybe close to two year relationship and she is still H-. Tested recently. We mostly used condoms, probably had unprotected sex ten times, and there was always a bit of rubbing of genitals without condoms (which always made me a little nervous to be honest). I used valtrex daily for the majority of our relationship, condoms 90% of the time or more, I've never had a real breakout, but I've had the hot skin tender feeling probably three times in the last three years since I got herpes. I would say my experience is minor, and I probably don't shed on the higher side of the average.

I learned to use condoms. But the feeling going in without one, the very few times i've done it in the past three years, was amazing.

Thats my humble opinion.

I don't think I get many outbreaks. An occasional bump, and what I do get is some itching. I honestly can't tell if that's the herpes or not. I just assume it is since I didn't have it before. But over the past 2+ years I've had it, I've had only a handful of outbreaks. 

At my age, men have had vasectomies (well some anyway) and don't want to go back to using condoms. I've pretty much always had to use them because of my bleeding disorder and the inability to take the pill. And I'm still pre-menopausal, so there is still a pregnancy risk too. 

I dunno. A lot of men talk about the lack of spontaneity with condoms, and while that may be true, it can be worked into one's sex life. Also, I guess I'm looking at the bigger picture of finding a life partner, and there are far worse things than condoms and HSV. But despite being quite popular with men, I'm feeling very down about my chances now that I have this silly virus. I get asked out a lot and people like me, but when I dig a bit deeper, I don't get the sense they'd be willing to say yes.  I've pretty much not had sex since I was diagnosed. I'm close to re-virginizing myself, lol.

So for all you gals on here who are saying you can have fulfilling sex lives with HSV-2, what are you doing? I'd really like to know. Maybe the younger generation is more accepting? My generation 40s/50s, doesn't seem to be.  

 

 

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Spicycupcake
11 minutes ago, Quest said:

My bf hates condoms and we went without one for a year (I thought std testing covered the top 5 STDs. NOPE. I wanted to puke when I found out I had herpes) we finally found one he likes Sagami .002 large polyisoprene. if he is over 6'' the large condoms will be very tight. Just info, they run smaller than American condoms and I get mine out of Canada amazon.ca because they are hard to find in the USA without paying an arm and a leg for them. I can save about 6 dollars per box of 12 doing it this way. I have a condom chart with the sizes and thickness if you want it. He has hsv I and I have hsv2. We have been having sex for over 5 years. 

He was cranky before we found the correct condom. It is a good idea anyway because HPV is so prevalent in society. 

Hi Quest - I would love that info! So yes, please, could you send it to me?

Can I give you my email or how does that work? I'm pretty new to the site.

Thank you so much, btw!

 

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Quest

It is really important to get a condom that he loves. Condom Depot used to have a thin sampler pack. some of them were not actually thin, but as soon as we started running out of thin condoms he wanted to ditch the condoms. It took a lot of effort to find one he loved. They also make them in .001 but they are so expensive, he said it is not worth it. You will also feel the heat much better with polyisoprene. That is huge for a man. Let me find that chart I know I have it in my bookmarks. Best of luck. 

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Spicycupcake
Just now, Quest said:

It is really important to get a condom that he loves. Condom Depot used to have a thin sampler pack. some of them were not actually thin, but as soon as we started running out of thin condoms he wanted to ditch the condoms. It took a lot of effort to find one he loved. They also make them in .001 but they are so expensive, he said it is not worth it. You will also feel the heat much better with polyisoprene. That is huge for a man. Let me find that chart I know I have it in my bookmarks. Best of luck. 

Well honestly, I'd be willing to pay for them if it makes that big a difference. 

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Quest

very smart, you can't put a price on comfort and sensation for men!! We also have not had one break, but reviews say you can not go for a sex marathon with a poly then stop, take a breather and go back at it because they will be compromised and break. 

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Spicycupcake
3 minutes ago, Spicycupcake said:

Well honestly, I'd be willing to pay for them if it makes that big a difference. 

 

5 minutes ago, Quest said:

It is really important to get a condom that he loves. Condom Depot used to have a thin sampler pack. some of them were not actually thin, but as soon as we started running out of thin condoms he wanted to ditch the condoms. It took a lot of effort to find one he loved. They also make them in .001 but they are so expensive, he said it is not worth it. You will also feel the heat much better with polyisoprene. That is huge for a man. Let me find that chart I know I have it in my bookmarks. Best of luck. 

I keep seeing notifications that I have a message from you but then there's nothing there. No new posting I mean. 

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Quest

Maybe refresh the page? It goes blank on me too. 

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Spicycupcake
Just now, Quest said:

Maybe refresh the page? It goes blank on me too. 

Did you send a chart of some kind? I see the name Sagami in your previous email. I can probably find the dimensions online somewhere. But basically youre saying go with the polyisoprene ones, right?

I used one a few years back that I believe was also polyurethane. Something.  with a "D," I'll have to look it up. wonder if it's the same material.

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Quest
Posted (edited)

yes, let me get it for you because it is hard to look up with the different ones they have. Let me find it. Sorry someone was also trying to talk in chat and I am not successful with either. haha

Does this show up better? Here is one of them

https://www.condom-sizes.org/thinnest-condoms/thinnest-condoms

Edited by Quest

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Spicycupcake
3 minutes ago, Quest said:

yes, let me get it for you because it is hard to look up with the different ones they have. Let me find it. Sorry someone was also trying to talk in chat and I am not successful with either. haha

Does this show up better? Here is one of them

https://www.condom-sizes.org/thinnest-condoms/thinnest-condoms

yes, that link came through. Thank you so much!

 

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Quest
Posted (edited)

You know what I did? I wanted my sexless husband so bad I get really good at fellatio. Lou Paget's books on hand/ mouth techniques really drive a man wild. she scoured the country to find the best techniques.  I really set myself apart from other women/ competition in the MBL scene, it is very tough to get an awesome man. Once you get one he will really be impressed. Never stop learning the different sensations to deliver to each other.

ETA: I found out what was happening. If I hit the send button and someone is tying to talk to me in a private chat it automatically will not send the post and will take me to chat instead. If I press the back button it takes me back to the post to send it. sorry. Chat is new and I have not experienced that before. 

sorry, the American Condom Chart link is broken. That is sad because it was such a great chart for thickness and exact size. 

Edited by Quest

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Spicycupcake
20 minutes ago, Quest said:

You know what I did? I wanted my sexless husband so bad I get really good at fellatio. Lou Paget's books on hand/ mouth techniques really drive a man wild. she scoured the country to find the best techniques.  I really set myself apart from other women/ competition in the MBL scene, it is very tough to get an awesome man. Once you get one he will really be impressed. Never stop learning the different sensations to deliver to each other.

ETA: I found out what was happening. If I hit the send button and someone is tying to talk to me in a private chat it automatically will not send the post and will take me to chat instead. If I press the back button it takes me back to the post to send it. sorry. Chat is new and I have not experienced that before. 

sorry, the American Condom Chart link is broken. That is sad because it was such a great chart for thickness and exact size. 

That's ok, I can probably find the info out there now that you gave me a head start. Thank you very much for that.

Lol, you know, I'm pretty good at that too :) . But always room for improvement and I think I will take your advice and learn some new skills. Certainly can't hurt! :)

I'm so glad I found this community!

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Spicycupcake
2 minutes ago, Spicycupcake said:

That's ok, I can probably find the info out there now that you gave me a head start. Thank you very much for that.

Lol, you know, I'm pretty good at that too :) . But always room for improvement and I think I will take your advice and learn some new skills. Certainly can't hurt! :)

I'm so glad I found this community!

Are there any Lou Paget books in particular you'd recommend? I see ones for giving HER pleasure, but not focused on him.

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Quest

ode to brian" is one of the techniques, let me see if I can find some of them. 

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Spicycupcake
1 minute ago, Quest said:

ode to brian" is one of the techniques, let me see if I can find some of them. 

Thanks! I was just doing a quick look on Amazon myself.

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Spicycupcake
2 minutes ago, Quest said:

here it is without pictures. http://monticelloinstitute.com/Members/SherryGraham/Schoolforsexclasses.htm

Yes, there are but he told me it was his secret and he was never telling me where he got them. haha.

Only this one link came through. It keeps beeping at me though. So I wasnt sure if you'd sent more.

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Quest
Posted (edited)

one thing he does is he puts me on my knees on the edge of the bed and gives me a vibrator and then he stands on the floor and shags me with the vibe on and wow!!! Crazy sensation and it will vamp up the sensation double and I can cum when I could not before. He says that women can't usually cum from penetration alone. 

ETA: let me get you the book

buy it used don't pay full pop, it is an old book.

https://www.amazon.com/How-Great-Lover-Lou-Paget/dp/0965086488/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1522401049&sr=8-1&keywords=lou+paget

 

Edited by Quest

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Spicycupcake
2 minutes ago, Quest said:

one thing he does is he puts me on my knees on the edge of the bed and gives me a vibrator and then he stands on the floor and shags me with the vibe on and wow!!! Crazy sensation and it will vamp up the sensation double and I can cum when I could not before. He says that women can't usually cum from penetration alone. 

Thats very true. Only about 25% of women can come from penetration alone. I usually can't either. It's happened maybe a handful of times my entire life. But with other stimulation added :)

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Quest
Posted (edited)

look up the "grapefruit technique" do it blindfolded. Don't let him see what you are doing.

also one of his faves is "fire and Ice" get a cup of hot tea and put it in your mouth and go down on him. Cup him and let it slightly drip. Then go to cool water, not icy. He will have a blast!!!! 

Also, when he is about to cum, hold him tight at the base of his cock for 30 seconds, it will stop him from cumming then continue, when he signals you to stop grab his base again, for 30 then continue after you have done this 4 times he will have enhanced sensation and it will drive him mad when he cums. 

please share your fun techniques when you have a chance. Take care and happy shagging. :bounce: there is no reason to do that loud sound she makes just be silent and let him bask in the sensation. 

Edited by Quest

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Spicycupcake
1 hour ago, Quest said:

look up the "grapefruit technique" do it blindfolded. Don't let him see what you are doing.

also one of his faves is "fire and Ice" get a cup of hot tea and put it in your mouth and go down on him. Cup him and let it slightly drip. Then go to cool water, not icy. He will have a blast!!!! 

Also, when he is about to cum, hold him tight at the base of his cock for 30 seconds, it will stop him from cumming then continue, when he signals you to stop grab his base again, for 30 then continue after you have done this 4 times he will have enhanced sensation and it will drive him mad when he cums. 

please share your fun techniques when you have a chance. Take care and happy shagging. :bounce: there is no reason to do that loud sound she makes just be silent and let him bask in the sensation. 

I will give them a try for sure. If I ever get someone to go out with me again, lol. (after I tell them about H). But yes, thank you for the tips. I will definitely read up on them :)

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