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I'm dating an infected person; but I'm not

kj

By kj,
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kj Newbie

kj

Posted
Posted

Hi,

My girlfriend is infected from a previous relationship and I am not. I have dated her for a little over five months and I have fallen in love with her. We have not had intercourse yet but would like to. I know very little about herpes. I am not afraid but scared. Scared only because I am ignorant about herpes. I got on the internet to find out some information and find my self less scared because I am finding facts but I am not finding any personal information. That is where I found this chat. So if you would be so kind as to help me out with some of my questions it would be greatly appreciated. #1 How often to the outbreaks happen? #2 Can we have children together? #3 When you don't have an outbreak does this change your sexual drive? #4 When you don't have an outbreak can I perform cunnilingus on her without getting infected myself?

That's the only questions I have right know but I am sure I will have more. I f you have any other information please include it. I love my girlfriend and I hope this relationship grows. I see this problem only as a speed bump as long as we keep communicating. She has two daughters now from a previous marrage and I believe that in the future we wil probably have bigger problems than this one.

Thanks!

KJ

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MC37 Pilot Established Member

MC37 Pilot

Posted
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#1 How often to the outbreaks happen? #2 Can we have children together? #3 When you don't have an outbreak does this change your sexual drive? #4 When you don't have an outbreak can I perform cunnilingus on her without getting infected myself?

1. I personally get outbreaks maybe 2 times a year... they last about 5 days, but I usually give it a few extra days after they are over 'just to be safe... so a week. If I get a bad sunburn, I always get an outbreak.

2. Children... Absolutely... Safely for you and the child

3. Well, I'm a guy, so.... My sex drive is always on... outbreak or not...

4. cunnilingus.... is that a fancy word for eating at the Y??? You can do that... I know lots of people who do with no problem... There is a SLIGHT chance you could get it from shedding... but its slight... Have you ever had a cold sore? If you have, you can go down on her without any additional risk... You can't get it 'worse'... If you have a cold sore, you've already got HSV in that area... and you can't get infected twice....

On a side note... Guy to Guy....

Think of it this way... you know what we guys call the week girls are on their period right? (hummer week)

Well, just think of the extra couple hummer weeks you'll get to add in to your relationship every year during the time she has an o/b... :lol::lol::lol:

(ok, I'll go back to my corner now)

Seriously though.. Good for you for keeping a sensible head about the issue...

I hope some of the people on the site, especially the younger ladies who think noone will accept them with HSV will read your message and take hope that people will look past the HSV when they love you...

anyway...

fhl,

nik

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Lasmom Acknowledged Support Member

Lasmom

Posted
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Ok girls view - although my friend Pilot is right as usual... I'd like to add...

#1. I am very careful around PMS/period time to watch my body. Hormonal changes in women can bring it on.

#2. Absolutely - although a c-section may be the way to go - in my experience - it's better thatn pushin"!!!

#3. I've said it before - I am insanely horny when a man wants me - and if he wants me when I have an OB, the frustration is crazy and he gets an additional hummer week.....(bet that's good news) I think I've gotten pretty good at it and learned to enjoy being in charge.... 8)

#4. From my experience - Boyfriend for 1 year was very much into it - provided I was OK & comfortable - he never contracted it. I DID NOT MIND ONE BIT. :wink: But shedding is an issue - you will have to decide on that as far as what percetage of risk you're willing to accept. More chance of getting hit by a car crossing the street I think....

The key - know your body, be honest and open about it with each other.

I'm feeling kind of crappy today, and I know I'll have to say no later... that will really suck (so to speak.... hummer week! LOL! )

I want to thank you for loving her enough to ask us, and accept her. SHe is a very lucky woman.

Sincerely.

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handyman2001 Newbie

handyman2001

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I'm in a similar situation. I met a girl and we're at the stage where we're ready to be intimate. Then she said she has genital herpes. I'm still really attracted to her, but scared too. I've read up on the subject, and understand about sex between outbreaks, condoms, etc. Although what I read said that even "hummers" (good grief!) can pass the virus during an o/b.

How long does it take before one knows if they are infected? Latency period, I'm not sure what it's called.

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Lasmom Acknowledged Support Member

Lasmom

Posted
Posted

You know, I keep hearing people ask the question if you have HSV genitally cand you pass it orally -

Please tell me if I'm wrong guys, but I don't think so. I was with my boyfriend at least 3 times when I had an OB and I gave him oral - GLADLY due to his acceptance of me - he never contracted it. And I'm ashamed to admit we even had unprotected sex when I was feeling great (I'm paranoid, so if I wasn't feeling great for any reason I was hesitant)

The unprotected sex was HIS idea and he assured me it was OK with him where I was well, and the odds were slim. But understand - he did his homework, and accepted the odds - his terms.

It is up to you to decide your comfort level. There are many people (two I know personally) who have married men without HSV, had children - long term relationships - 5 years plus - they are careful and their husbands are without HSV. Lucky? maybe - Happy? yes.

Good luck with your decisions - maybe you may want to try holding off on sex and seeing how you do together without that being a focus.

As I said to KJ - thanks to you for at least giving it thought. Talk to her about it. The worst memory for me was telling and getting completely blown off. I love that you want to try to understand first. Good man.

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