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Newly diagnosed and dating?


Anonxyz

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I can’t decide if I should start dating again  or wait this year out to take care of myself.  What are your thoughts?  I was wondering if I should wait to see how many breakouts I have, the severity and length before I bring someone in my life. At least I would be able to give them an idea of what we are dealing with? I’m 46 and just started out in the dating world when this happened last month- been single for 3 years now.  Was married 16 years prior.  I go back and forth about dating and contracting herpes really put a scare in me (first time being intimate since my husband passed, first boyfriend also).  I don’t want to be one and done!! 

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I’m so sorry for your loss. I would suggest waiting to see how your body responds. Are you still with the man who infected you? Your dating life can still go on after this but it will be different. Give yourself some time to adjust.

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Thank you for the advice.  I am no longer with that man.  I ended it with him March  last year.  He wasn’t the best decision I ever made but I was trying to move on.  I thought throwing myself in a relationship would help me get over my loss. When I was with him, now that I think back, the first time we were intimate I remember being very sore.  I thought it was because it had been about 4 years since I had sex last.  My husband was very sick from chemo and we weren’t able to be physical that way for awhile. So, I had all that discomfort and then developed a UTI.  I saw my doctor about this and was told it was because my hormones were changing and my estrogen levels may be lower these days- I’m 44.   Anyway, never gave any of that a second thought. The guy and I were exclusive and after awhile because I was on the pill we stopped using protection. In Jan. Last year I developed a tear that ulcerated. I was concerned and again saw my gyn. He swabbed it for me-I was worried it was something- and said it looked benign and most likely a tear.  He recommended I use KY for lubrication.  Again- chalking it up to peri menopause. The swab came back negative and life went on.  Around March-April I noticed that the relationship was a bit unhealthy.  The guy was becoming very controlling, needed me around 24/7 and if I wasn’t with him he had to be calling/ texting all the time.  I finally couldn’t take him anymore and broke it off.  I had not been with anyone else.  So, last month I developed some ulcerations again out of nowhere. I panicked and got in to see my doc. They swabbed me again and this time positive.  I haven’t confronted the ex about it. I know I got it from him. But now I realize why he was so clingy and possessive.  My sister is convinced he purposely infected me so I would stay with him.  He still texts me all the time- I’ve had police involved and have had to blocked him from calling me.  So, to me, telling him about this would not be in my best interest.  Going back to him is not an option. It’s been a year now since that relationship ended.  I am in a better place- at least was before the diagnosis!  I really wanted to start dating again.  I just don’t know how this will work now.  

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  • 1 month later...
Feeling Normal Again

OMG, so similar a story as mine.

Married 15 years, waited 6 years after husband passed to date again. First long term monogamous relationship, he lied about having hsv2. After 3 months in and out of doctors offices and std clinics, he finally admitted he had hsv2 on the day they finally tested me for herpes.

He ended up being completely psycho, had to get restraining order.....

After that, I wanted nothing to do with sex, relationships, or men in general. Fast forward almost two years later, and I had a younger man persistently pursuing, told him I have hsv2, he said I was worth the risk and that we could be careful. Fast forward another year, still together, happy, and talking marriage! :D

Edited by Feeling Normal Again
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Feeling Normal Again
14 minutes ago, mkumar said:

r u Able to live OB Free , What are the supplements you r taking 

Out break free for two years. I take neem capsules, neem oil, 

Gotu kola, apple pectin: energy

Echinacea and Dandilion roots teas: Immune system.

Increased fruit juices.

And for extreme severe symptoms, I do one cup a week of graviola tea.

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8 hours ago, Feeling Normal Again said:

Out break free for two years. I take neem capsules, neem oil, 

Gotu kola, apple pectin: energy

Echinacea and Dandilion roots teas: Immune system.

Increased fruit juices.

And for extreme severe symptoms, I do one cup a week of graviola tea.

Have you had a Westernblot? Be interesting to see your blood antibody profile.

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Feeling Normal Again

I honestly don't know which test, they swabbed outbreak, but this was after over 3 months in and out of std clinics. First thought it was bacterial, tested for and treated for Chlamydia and gonorrhea, but they came back negative. Then tested and treated for syphillis, it came back negative. Chaos and stress of all this, being told by std clinic that my bf had to be cheating on me for me to be having as much stuff going on down there as I was, while getting pumped full of antibiotics (which were making me sick) for things that were coming back negative. Finally, they swabbed, and I was told positive hsv2

Meanwhile, the boyfriend who had been playing dumb about his own genital outbreak (saying he had a cut that got infected) and supposedly going to his pcp, on the same day I told him it was hsv2, he admitted he knew, and that he'd had hsv2 for years.

I never thought about tests and results and numbers until on this site...

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Feeling Normal Again
37 minutes ago, WilsoInAus said:

Have you had a Westernblot? Be interesting to see your blood antibody profile.

I always forget to hit the quote button...

Is Western blot the only swab test or are there others?

Edited by Feeling Normal Again
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Go out and date and have a good time. Doesnt mean sex has to be involved. If u are happy and less stressed then you will probably have less outbreaks. 

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1 hour ago, Feeling Normal Again said:

I always forget to hit the quote button...

Is Western blot the only swab test or are there others?

Its a blood test for HSV Antibodies.

Have you had tests for diabetes? Did you get a CSF test for glucose and protein levels?

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Feeling Normal Again

Yes, my blood sugar levels are normal. I had a spinal tap done when diagnosed with menengitis. I don't know the levels and results, All I know is what the doctors said the diagnosises were. 

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The first round of tests on a spinal tap looks for many things like proteins, glucose, white blood cells etc. 

Based on this they go looking for bacterial and viral causes. There are always mutliple issues found.

I asked about diabetes as this explains quite a number of your symptoms and Neem is a recognised natural supplement that helps diabetes.

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  • Posts

    • hk81
      we should share the photos of our outbreaks after getting the vaccine, if it will cause any
    • Den91
    • Muscha
      As I understand it, if you take it several times it will be different each time.  Its the way the tests works.  Mine were back and forth within that range.  If I take it again  I could be higher or lower but I will be in the positive range.
    • Mark1099
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