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How on earth do you tell your next sexual partner your have genital herpes ?

Cat white

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Cat white Honeycomb Member

Cat white

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Hi I recently have found out I have gentital herpes type 2 I’m gutted but I have had time to absorb it over the last two weeks and I know there are certainly worse things out there to have. Currently I am single but I would like to find someone in the future. How on earth do you drop the bombshell you have an STD without them running for the hills ? I feel as if nobody is ever gunna want to be with me as soon as o disclose this information :( 

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Taintedgirl Established Member

Taintedgirl

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There’s a whole section on disclosures on this forum you might wanna check it out. Seeing how other people did it might give you a few tips on your own disclosure conversations 

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cowpoke02 Acknowledged Support Member

cowpoke02

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eat better . eat mostly veggies and white meat  . future i do mostly raw milk or goat milk . has everything a person needs  harvested and filtered by animals organs .   don't eat any junk .. find some suppressant and helper things .  i ate  couple to many cup cakes and fired up a little.  eat cleaner  and its like you don't have  it . stay healthy most the time ..  then it's easier ..   if you feel good and ya healthy its a lot easier ..   not a problem then.  fact we live and as years goes on we pick up more and more problems ..   every one has something .. starting to think more have h than not . they rn away and catch it then come back . haha.  take care ..  

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Dopa.lene Honeycomb Member

Dopa.lene

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I think itll be easier to disclose information with a new partner than admitting passing it to an old one. At least itll give a great opportunity to build a true relationship, later increasing the sexual tension which can then turn into a deeply passionate relationship. Its possible that you two can be intimate without him contracting the virus, so definitely would want to mention that, also try to lower your viral load as much as you can before being in a commited relationship, if you happen to pass the virus too him all the more reason for the both of you to be incredibly healthy. Its hard not to feel the shame, but we are sexual beings by nature sometimes we have urges that we can not resist. Maybe getting into tantric yoga, dance, anything thatll intertwine the two of you that isnt the act of sex itself. I think after spending a lump sum of meaningful time together should make the other person understand. Hope this helps

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    • CHT
      SUCCESS STORY: Herpes is an opportunity to built trust and connection through vulnerability.

      By CHT · Posted

      Hi "Jeremy"..... I agree, the topic of your HSV status does not need to be something you disclose too soon in a developing relationship..... get to know each other first....see how it's going and as it progresses, then the HSV issue will naturally need to be revealed.... it's my personal opinion though that before there is any sexual encounter you ought to disclose your HSV status.... I know some will disagree with me on this but, I think it is morally wrong not to disclose first.  This can be a make/break situation for most people but, again, I feel it is simply wrong not to give the other person the whole story since your decision not to disclose could put their health at risk.... that is simply not an option in my opinion.  Looking back to my "pre-HSV" life I most certainly would want my partner to disclose their HSV+ status before intimacy so that I could make my decision as to whether I want to take that risk or not.... 
    • Jeremy Spokein
      SUCCESS STORY: Herpes is an opportunity to built trust and connection through vulnerability.

      By Jeremy Spokein · Posted

      Thanks, CHT. I appreciate the feedback. The whole trauma of going through this has led me to figure out a lot about myself and my attachment wounds, so I'm taking courses to come out of this better. This girl really was my dream woman in so many ways, it's been the hardest heartbreak to deal with ever. I'm truly in a lot of pain, but using the pain as fuel to launch that new business and work with coaches. I also opened up to my family about HSV, so my parents and sister know now, and they were very loving and accepting of it. Since opening up about it, I feel way better around this thing. After opening up, I also found out that some mutual friends in our family have discordant couples who are married with children, so HSV hasn't stopped them from living a loving life. The thing is... all of these couples I mention did not disclose until 6-8 months into the relationship. So now I'm thinking it might be better not to disclose until I know things are very serious. I'll of course stay on the medication and use protection, but maybe this is a better route than disclosing upfront and scaring women off.
    • WilsoInAus
      Could this be hsv-2?

      By WilsoInAus · Posted

      Hey @Lcj987 and welcome to the website. You can be sure that isn't HSV-2, looks nothing like it. It is much more likely to be folliculitis or inflamed fordyce spots.
    • WilsoInAus
      Unsure if Herpes, awaiting swabs, need help

      By WilsoInAus · Posted

      Hey @JackThrowAway herpes causes an outbreak where it enters the body first and maybe a progressive spread. If it doesn't cause an outbreak at the entry site then it won't cause one elsewhere, it also won't 'jump' upon infection - it would be more likely that the lesions are continuous from the penis to the anus. Nevertheless, testing trumps symptoms or any interpretation of symptoms. The correct conclusive result arises when: you have a positive swab; or An IgG HSV-2 level over 3.5 (Herpeselect test).
    • Lcj987
      Could this be hsv-2?

      By Lcj987 · Posted

      Slept with someone unprotected, roughly 2 weeks ago now. I felt generally unwell the couple of days after but I’d been drinking the whole weekend and didn’t have much sleep either of the days of that weekend so put it down to that. 6 days after I noticed these spots appear on the shaft of my penis. Along with symptoms of discomfort in my shaft in the couple of days prior to them appearing. No pain when urinating at all that I have noticed. They don’t hurt, itch or tingle and they don’t have fluid in from what I can see or feel if I squeeze them and have never burst? I went to a sexual health clinic to get checked up, they took bloods to do a full test and looked at the spots but said they saw nothing that concerned them but I’m not sure about that, any advice? The smaller spots under the shaft are just follicles I had diagnosed years ago and non-sti related.
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