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Diagnosed last month

KittyK

By KittyK,
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KittyK Honeycomb Member

KittyK

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I worked up the courage to sign up here. I've had a constant fear of people knowing I have HSV 2. Doesn't matter who knows, whether I know them in person or not, I hate the fact that this is something I feel like I need to hide. I've been seeing a therapist and talking to her recently about this, but she doesn't fully understand what I'm going through. No one who doesn't have this will ever understand... I just need someone to talk to about their experiences with, and what they do to cope with it and make it all better for them, in hopes it would make me feel better about this. I have had severe depression since 13 years old.. attempted suicide a few times since then and have a past of self harming since I was 12, I am 23 now. The last time I self harmed was when I was 22, I even got a tattoo to cover up the scars, but now everytime I think about what I contracted I just want to tear into my skin again, and it kills me thinking about it because I thought I was stronger than that... everytime I drive my car I barely want to look both ways at an intersection, I want to drive off a cliff, etc. Or if I walk I don't want to look for cars. This is killing me and I'm afraid it will literally kill me. 

Also, I'm not entirely sure who I got this from, I had sex with someone a week before I had my first OB. So I suspected it was him. He insisted we didn't wear a condom too, he was a random guy I met online, I know stupid of me... I saw somewhere that some people don't know they have this and could have gotten it from someone a year ago..but idk if that's the case for me. So does anyone believe it was from this random guy? 

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confused1980 Newbie

confused1980

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It's possible it's from the random guy.  How were you diagnosed?  Please, describe the outbreak symptoms.  Are you seeing a psychiatrist as well, for mind medication?  Try not to dwell on something that a quarter of the population has.

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KittyK Honeycomb Member

KittyK

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I went to planned parenthood as soon as I saw...well what was physically on me down there... And she swabbed the sores. A couple weeks later it came back positive for HSV 2... that was at the beginning of this month. Painful urination, no appetite whatsoever for a few days. Somewhat flu like symptoms but I presume I didn't get it as bad since I caught it so early. I started taking Acyclovir the next day. I am but it's not doing much, I don't take antidepressants, never have. Its hard not too, I've never had anything so bad happen to me before, it's just depressing as fuck...

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tansy Newbie

tansy

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I don't think you should beat yourself up over it.  I'm new to the whole experience myself, but based on my reading and talking with my doctor, it's very common, many people have it, and it is basically a skin disease that society has deemed bad.  Key word "dis-ease". I chose to be in a committed relationship with my partner who has it.  Yes, I considered the consequences of my choice to accept this. A person is more than a skin affliction. You are more than this.  Don't let how others perceive this  to determine how you define yourself.  You are awesome. 

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KittyK Honeycomb Member

KittyK

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Thank you. I know I shouldn't, but it's just so hard not to, most of the time. I know a lot of people have this...and that it's common, but because of the stigma on this, I feel so disgusting. I can't trust any of the people around me to know about this. It's just really hard to go through. And I really want to fuck up the man that did this to me on purpose... It's only been a month...so I suppose I have a lot more months to go before I officially accept this about myself.

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tansy Newbie

tansy

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You're welcome. I know it's difficult to accept. I may have it by now, and face similar issues. You're right too, that it has been stigmatized.  It's great that we have a forum such as this to be able to share our feelings.  You seem resourceful in that you found this site four years before I did!!  

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KittyK Honeycomb Member

KittyK

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Yeah I agree. Especially since you can remain anonymous. Lol unfortunately it has.. I'm hoping one day they find a cure.

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tansy Newbie

tansy

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Hopefully there will one day be a cure for those who choose to judge others. (And a cure for this too.) Keep on inspiring others who have been shut down by the stigma. 

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  • Posts

    • CHT
      SUCCESS STORY: Herpes is an opportunity to built trust and connection through vulnerability.

      By CHT · Posted

      Hi "Jeremy"..... I agree, the topic of your HSV status does not need to be something you disclose too soon in a developing relationship..... get to know each other first....see how it's going and as it progresses, then the HSV issue will naturally need to be revealed.... it's my personal opinion though that before there is any sexual encounter you ought to disclose your HSV status.... I know some will disagree with me on this but, I think it is morally wrong not to disclose first.  This can be a make/break situation for most people but, again, I feel it is simply wrong not to give the other person the whole story since your decision not to disclose could put their health at risk.... that is simply not an option in my opinion.  Looking back to my "pre-HSV" life I most certainly would want my partner to disclose their HSV+ status before intimacy so that I could make my decision as to whether I want to take that risk or not.... 
    • Jeremy Spokein
      SUCCESS STORY: Herpes is an opportunity to built trust and connection through vulnerability.

      By Jeremy Spokein · Posted

      Thanks, CHT. I appreciate the feedback. The whole trauma of going through this has led me to figure out a lot about myself and my attachment wounds, so I'm taking courses to come out of this better. This girl really was my dream woman in so many ways, it's been the hardest heartbreak to deal with ever. I'm truly in a lot of pain, but using the pain as fuel to launch that new business and work with coaches. I also opened up to my family about HSV, so my parents and sister know now, and they were very loving and accepting of it. Since opening up about it, I feel way better around this thing. After opening up, I also found out that some mutual friends in our family have discordant couples who are married with children, so HSV hasn't stopped them from living a loving life. The thing is... all of these couples I mention did not disclose until 6-8 months into the relationship. So now I'm thinking it might be better not to disclose until I know things are very serious. I'll of course stay on the medication and use protection, but maybe this is a better route than disclosing upfront and scaring women off.
    • WilsoInAus
      Could this be hsv-2?

      By WilsoInAus · Posted

      Hey @Lcj987 and welcome to the website. You can be sure that isn't HSV-2, looks nothing like it. It is much more likely to be folliculitis or inflamed fordyce spots.
    • WilsoInAus
      Unsure if Herpes, awaiting swabs, need help

      By WilsoInAus · Posted

      Hey @JackThrowAway herpes causes an outbreak where it enters the body first and maybe a progressive spread. If it doesn't cause an outbreak at the entry site then it won't cause one elsewhere, it also won't 'jump' upon infection - it would be more likely that the lesions are continuous from the penis to the anus. Nevertheless, testing trumps symptoms or any interpretation of symptoms. The correct conclusive result arises when: you have a positive swab; or An IgG HSV-2 level over 3.5 (Herpeselect test).
    • Lcj987
      Could this be hsv-2?

      By Lcj987 · Posted

      Slept with someone unprotected, roughly 2 weeks ago now. I felt generally unwell the couple of days after but I’d been drinking the whole weekend and didn’t have much sleep either of the days of that weekend so put it down to that. 6 days after I noticed these spots appear on the shaft of my penis. Along with symptoms of discomfort in my shaft in the couple of days prior to them appearing. No pain when urinating at all that I have noticed. They don’t hurt, itch or tingle and they don’t have fluid in from what I can see or feel if I squeeze them and have never burst? I went to a sexual health clinic to get checked up, they took bloods to do a full test and looked at the spots but said they saw nothing that concerned them but I’m not sure about that, any advice? The smaller spots under the shaft are just follicles I had diagnosed years ago and non-sti related.
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