Need advice

[Lifelikehellnow]

I have type 2 and there is this girl have been dateing out of love, and I know I must have stupidly infect her . Here is thie issue I have someone else in mind I wanted to marry which I care about buh with this I don’t think I can achieve that dream any more.i am beginning to feel for this girl presently in my life who have it but don’t know yet. Can it be okay in the future with us if I settle down with her .just for her not to feel miserable in future alone with this distactrious disease .can I live to love her and make babies with her even without love and not my type of lady . I think is is a big issue cus it’s a life time decision.plesese anyone should give light on this .and don’t blame me it was given to me by someone also don’t forget that .

[WilsoInAus]

Hey all, this seems to have descended a bit, there are really good points that will all get missed behind the mud slinging.

@Lifelikehellnow I feel the feedback you are getting is that you are hiding behind herpes as an excuse for certain behaviours that are having an adverse impact on the people around you. Your username here infers a self focus, what is important is what life is like for those around us as a result of us being in it and not creating a personal hell and sharing it.

Herpes actually plays no role here in your life's choices.

The first thing you need to do is get back in touch with those things that you value and make sure your intent is noble. Making a commitment of life-long love to someone is a wonderful value. Bringing and raising children is also highly noble. Both will bring you much happiness proportional to your commitment (and also that of your partner).

You need one quality above all others to live your life in a way that expresses these values in a way that enriches the lives of those around you - authenticity.

Authenticity for you means the following:

You immediately confess to your current dating partner that your heart is not with her as you have feelings of love for another that predates her and is not yet resolved in your mind. Living this lie exceeds not telling her about herpes a thousand fold! It is time for you to stop dating at this time to give both you and her space to think about things and plan next moves.

The question of whether you tell her about herpes at this time or not is in my view and open one. If she has not experienced an outbreak or had concerns that have sent her to a doctor, then it is highly likely she has not been infected. To add a 'herpes scare' at this time is of no value. It goes without saying that you do not have any further sex with her if taking the approach of not telling her.

If you are sure of your feelings, then you need to tell the woman you have feelings for exactly what they are. You must be very sure though. Do you really love her, or is she the prettiest in the class sort of thing? You need to express this directly to her face and ask her to think about what has been said before responding.

Only you can determine the correct length of time before telling yourself that the feelings are not reciprocated, its time to close them and move on - which you do without looking back. I'd suggest that this is about 2-3 months. If she doesn't come to you in that time, you aren't her love at this time and her heart is with another.

If you need to move on, then perhaps you might consider contacting your current dating partner and explaining what has happened and you'd like to commence dating on a refreshed basis, with her the centre of your world. She may not, or may have moved on, but she deserves that choice.

In all instances, I see no reason why you should not disclose genital herpes to a person before you intend to have sex together. Their reaction and then actions are entirely their choice.