I just got diagnosed yesterday 2/25/2019. I've almost been on meds a full 24 hours. It's been an actual shit show of a week.
This week has been insane. At first symptoms didn't show up until four days after having unprotected sex. I have had chlamydia before (May 2018) and the symptoms looked the same. Wasn't painful until the fifth day. I kept asking my doctor for tests. "You have to set up an appt to get your lab paperwork (they don't do actual testing at my office, you have to go to the local hospital to do them)." So I get in there on the fourth day and nothing had even showed up yet. So I went to the hospital the next morning (Friday 2/22/19) and got my tests done. Nurse told me I could come and get results later that day. I come back and they only have my hiv one done, and I already knew I was negative. They told me to come in the next day and all my tests would be done. At this point the symptoms are getting worse and I'm starting to feel pain and itchiness and the nurse says she can't do jack sh it (it's JUST a hospital, not like anyone knows how to do THEIR job right?). I come in next day- absolutely freaked. I'm hysterical, crying, and I want some fu cking answers. I walk into the main check in area to find a sign that says GO TO ER RECEPTION. I had called the hospital an hour beforehand to set my results aside so I don't have to wait 10 years for some stu pid papers. I walk to the ER, and I'm shaking like h ell. I look like I'm crazy and I ask for my paperwork. "Sorry? We're the ER and we don't take care of that stuff"
Me: LOOK. You guys have been bouncing me around for the past 3 days. Whatever the he ll I have is there and I KNOW I HAVE SOMETHING. All I want are my lab results. I called the front office and they said they set the papers aside and I could grab them. Whoever is manning the main office is on a break or something bc their sign said to come here so don't tell me you cannot help me. I have a physical condition and it's driving me insane. I've been going batsh*t about this since Thursday (at this point it is Saturday).
Nurse: OK we found your paperwork in the lab (didn't even ask for my ID)
Me: Finally. Jesus. (I look at all my tests and they are all negative) WHAT DO YOU MEAN NEGATIVE??? I can't even sit down and I have to cry my own eyes out when I pis s?????? You mean to tell me that I trust the fing system for once and you tell me to go blow myself when I'm in physical pain? I need to be looked at? Where even is the herpes and trichomoniasis tests???? (the basic tests the doc gives you for stds are gonn, chl, syph, and hiv)
Nurse: You have to ask for them
Me: Can I have then please?? What buzz words am I missing? What part about THIS IS AN EMERGENCY I NEED HELP do none of you get?
Nurse: Ask your doctor.
Me: Yeah on a weekend. What help.
Nurse: All your tests came back negative????? What's the problem??
Me: There is clearly something wrong and I am SCREAMING FOR HELP and you, someone who works at the hospital, are going to stand there behind that desk and tell me you can't help me? You're turning me away when I beg for help?
Nurse: The results are negative...
I just storm out at this point and I'm hysterically crying and screaming at the top of my lungs because I'm in full panic and manic mode. I don't know where to turn. I go home for my dad's help and he takes my car away because I'm so upset (we have been on somewhat of a break bc of this whole fiasco and I've been staying with my friend) that I start frantically calling my friend and looking up bus schedules (she lives 20 miles away and such). She tells me to lay low and I'm ready to kill someone, if not myself because of how frantic I am. My dad doesn't understand this and it's absolutely aggravating because I originally went to him to vent and what I got was a lecture and a threat to kick me out of the house. After I left the hospital, I made the even bigger mistake of asking for a hug because he made me come inside and listen to him lecture for a f/ing hour, and then I was stranded and no buses were going at that point (it was like 8pm and hours are shorter on weekends).
Next day I drive out to my friend's and the whole day I'm suffering and trying to work horses (I'm a 3 day event rider and my friend is a horse trainer, I'm her groom/assistant) and move items from farm to farm without passing out or upsetting the sock in my crotch.
Next morning, yesterday (MONDAY 2/25/19) I call my actual doctor's office and demand that I see her today. They fit me in a 2pm spot. I take a shower and 10 minutes later I get a text and call from the reception saying doctor is out because she has the god da mn F L U. At this point I'm ready to give up. I have to put socks on my vagina so that the lesions don't touch each other and leak, I cry when I use the bathroom and I'm still scared to use the bathroom because of the infinite pain.
I have no clue why I didn't do this in the first place, but my friend lives by a Planned Parenthood and so I marched my as s over there and I asked to be physically looked at and such. They fit me in.
Nurse (one that checks you in, not the real doctor) asked me what symptoms were and what I've been taking, if anything. There's a medication that's made for humans but given to horses called SMZ. It's a STRONG antibiotic and my friend has Hashimoto's so her and her mom (her mother is my horse's farrier lol) told me at the very least take SMZ 3 times a day. I figure why the h ell not because it's not like anything will get worse. It just stopped the heavy slippery discharge, nothing else. So she admits me to the scary room with the freaky foot pedals, and I've never even seen a f uc king gyno? I don't know what to do but start hysterically crying. Doctor comes in ten minutes later and she tells me that she has to take a culture swab. The fact that I had just pis sed and disposed of my sock, opening all my lesions, I can barely even wipe my own as s. I'm sitting there crying hysterically telling her not to judge me because I made a stupid decision to have unprotected sex with a sh itty guy. She tells me she's gonna touch me with the testing swabs and the moment she touches me I'm crying and screaming at the top of my lungs PLEASE STOP PLEASE PLEASE STOP STOP STOP IT HURTS.
I don't know why she thought this was a smart idea to tell me this but she straight up told me AND I QUOTE!!!!!
"This is the worst and most severe case of herpes I have ever seen. I've been doing this for 36 years."
Well that's awesome, I'm another statistic. I can't believe me it took 1 second to tell me I had herpes when I had been driving myself clinically insane for the since the last Thursday (this lasted Thursday to Monday). She gave me my medications and gave me a name of some supplements, and told me about socks being a good idea and whatever, pour water on myself when I pee so that it washes everything away, blah blah. Gives me my papers and I go back to my friend to confirm I have this fu cked up incurable disease. All the stress prior was gone. Done with my tears.
I'm almost done with my first day of taking the meds. They feel a bit better. Unfortunately I'm on a time limit because I can't physically ride in this major horse show if I can't even sit on a still object. Hoping this at least stops feeling so painful by Thursday for my dressage test on Friday.
thanks for listening the doctor at PP suggested I find one so I don't feel so alone
HSV. Everyone's favorite topic! If you read my other piece, you know about my struggle with Viral Meningitis. But now I get to share with you (because it was just shared with me) how I got it. As if I wasn’t already depressed, hurt, and confused, here comes the nurse from the hospital calling to tell me that one of the possible causes of Viral Meningitis is the Herpes Simplex Virus and they tested me for it when I was there. Surprise! I have the Herpes Simplex Virus type 2, or as I like to put it, Genital Herpes. I cried almost as loud as I did the day I got the severe headache from the Meningitis. I immediately thought, I am 21 years old and my life is over. I thought about all the cons, no more dating, the difficulties having children without infecting them, dating rejection, my friends judging me, having to worry about infecting people around me, every possible negative thought came rushing at me all at once. I can not believe this is happening to me.
I had to mourn the death of the person I once was for a few days of course, but after coming to, I realized that although it is not curable, this is not a death sentence. I thought let me learn a little more about this before I just shut out the world and everyone in it. I found that 1 out of 6 people have HSV. So if you know more than 6 people, one of them most likely has some form of HSV. Some people know, some people don't, but they do. So yeah that is A LOT of the population. Some people get symptoms like itching, burning, and bumps on their genitals sometimes and some people can go years without having one single outbreak. There are Antiviral medications and even suppressive treatments to help lessen the outbreaks. To prevent the spread of the infection you can:
getting regular STI tests and ensuring sexual partners also get tested regularly
reducing the number of sexual partners
being in a long-term monogamous relationship with an uninfected person
avoiding sexual activity during outbreaks of the herpes virus
using anti-herpes medication daily if one partner has the herpes virus
abstaining from sexual activity
The best thing to do if you find out you have HSV is to contact your doctor so they can answer all of your questions and help you find the best option for treating the infection.
On another note, I felt like although I could treat it to minimize outbreaks, dating is going to be a nightmare from now on. I thought, who would want to be with someone with Herpes, one of the scariest STIs out there. I immediately thought ok, well what if I find someone with herpes like me to date, I could possibly find a guy that way. I mean, who could turn away someone with the same condition as them? This notion, I soon found out was a problem. I signed up for a HSV dating site and I realized that I was scared to share too many details about myself and even post a picture of myself. I noticed that I was scared to reveal that I had herpes even on a HSV dating site. Odd, I know. I was struggling accepting my truth.
I went on to search for forums, discussion boards, etc (as I did when I found out I had Meningitis). I was searching for people my age with HSV who were struggling in the LOVE department. I found them. I could not help but fully relate to every single person on the discussion board. It was the best thing I could have ever done for myself. One blogger expressed how she would never sign up for a HSV dating site, as it can influence people who carry the virus to conform to only talking to or being with others who have it which is crazy. She opened my eyes to understand that we are all people and should not live under the stigma that Herpes is this big scary monster thing and we have to alienate ourselves from the rest of society. After all HSV is really just a few outbreaks of uncomfortable bumps and itching. It's not to say you shouldn't be careful with your health, it is just that the stigma behind Herpes is that it's a death sentence and its not.
The posts made me laugh and informed me of so much. People my age, in college just like me, everywhere, going through the same exact thing. One girl and guy on the board went on to say don't be afraid to disclose that you have the virus to people. The girl told about 50 guys and had only been rejected by about 5 of them or so. She had been in 7 relationships post HSV. A guy said the girl he met had it and he didn't really care and slept with her. All of this was good news to me, not because I just HAVE to be in a relationship or have sex, but to know that I don't have to restrict myself to find love or be ashamed of myself for my condition. I also learned to ditch the stigma because its not as bad as anyone thinks and is easily contracted. Anyone can get it and not even know it.
I don't know if I am quite as ready as these folks to be as open as they are with HSV, but I can say that I had a huge sigh of relief that I can be if I choose to. Tip of the day is to not be afraid of rejection. Not everyone will reject you.Take a chance, try it, disclose to someone and be positive about it, because you won't know the outcome until you try!
These are the two websites I went to to research: The first is the forum from the people’s stories that I used in my entry. The other is an article. I hope you find these as helpful as I did.
The Overblown Stigma of Genital Herpes - The Atlantic
I got my first herpes fear from a male prostitute. I did not know too much about herpes at the time, and thought it was easily tested in a free clinic. While most of the sex was protected, the oral sex was not(probably because HIV spreads less during oral). He also claimed to get checked often.
I tested negative for all the STDs, including HIV. I later tested Negative on a herpes blood test. But I'm skeptical on my results. Reason being that it is possible to get a false negative, and the person I had sexual relations was a prostitute who done this with plenty of other men.
With all the stuff I hear about herpes and how its spread. Its a no brainer that most people who are hookers and sex workers get it easily because of their profession. Every single pornstar for instance has it. This guy also has regulars and clients. He done this most likely unprotected and on a daily basis. While he might not have sores or lesions, that doesn't mean anything since herpes can spread anyways though shedding.
Why should I not doubt this? I hear some people smuggly insisting that these blood tests should not be taken as accurately as they should be, and the person I had sex with has a very very high chance on having it. Is it really that paranoid? Can someone give me some medical advice because every professional I asked give such vague and unhelpful advice that only brings me further to my beliefs. I hear people tell my I am going all about it wrong, but they are not giving me good reason to believe in such.
And please spare me the "!*@* shamming" nonsense, as well as the "herpes isn't deadly" excuse. Yes, its not deadly, but that shouldn't mean you should spread it to everyone else. Thats irresponsible and disgusting.
So vice just uploaded a video about herpes think it’s part of their tonic videos and while it’s great that they’re giving out the info I feel that they didn’t give enough information in the video at all but that’s not what my problem is. I’ve been trying to keep a positive attitude about having this disease but after reading the comments on said video I think it’s safe to say I feel like utter crap, pretty much everyone is either making a joke of it or vocalising how disgusting they think it is! I hate the fact that getting a couple bumps on my genitals every so often marks me as some kind of person that should quarantined. I honestly feel like if there isn’t a cure soon that I’m not sure I go on especially if the comments on that video are anything to go by. I’m sorry if this is a long post I just needed to get all this out there
@Micah and I are trying various ways to spread awareness and make something happen for those of us that are tired of living with herpes. Although YouTube is a good avenue to do that, we wanted to also try to write to celebrities, specifically those that do reply to fans and would possibly like to help the cause and fund herpes research. Now I wanted to ask HC members to please contribute any celebrity names that they know of who respond to fans in the comments below. *Also if you know the address of such celebrities please PM me or Micah. Thank you. Please get involved if you can as well. We need more people to try and do something and take a stance.
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