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I think I gave “it” to him

LetItGo

By LetItGo,
in ♡ Dating and Relating

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LetItGo Honeycomb Member

LetItGo

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I have been living with Genital Herpes for over a year. I know when it’s about to come ruin my week by the tingles and itches and I know when to take my antivirals. 

I have been dating and sleeping with one man since October. He knows I have herpes and our sex life has been wonderful and ALWAYS safe. Condoms and occasionally I take my antivirals when I feel an outbreak coming. No sex during outbreaks.

Today he found a strange cut on his penis. It’s circualr. He questioned if it looked similar to mine but it’s hard to tell.  Only one. He felt zero symptoms. Nothing. No pain urinating or itching. Like I said, nothing. He’s getting tested soon but I wanted to come here for some quick advice!!

I’m looking for anyone who knows about a males first out break or any at all.. what are the symptoms? Compared to a female? Could I have given him this life changing STD? Please help soothe my mind. All opinions welcome.

Edited by LetItGo
  • Quest and WilsoInAus
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WilsoInAus Platinum Support Member

WilsoInAus

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It sounds like this cut is well within the condom covered area? As such this is extremely unlikely to be related to an initial infection with HSV-2. Has he tested previously?

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LetItGo Honeycomb Member

LetItGo

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20 minutes ago, WilsoInAus said:

It sounds like this cut is well within the condom covered area? As such this is extremely unlikely to be related to an initial infection with HSV-2. Has he tested previously?

Yes it is not near his pubic area. It is exactly where a condom would fully cover. He has been tested before we started dating, all negative. The reason I raised such concern is online I do read men usually have no symptoms, where i had fever, burning, itching, etc. but I came here because I feel it’s far more trustworthy information because we are the people living with it. I appreciate your opinion on this. 

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LetItGo Honeycomb Member

LetItGo

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5 minutes ago, Quest said:

Let it Go. Easier said than done. No pain? No anything? Let it go like your name says. 

Very true! But Just needed some advice! I wasn’t too sure if there’s any difference between a male vs females initial outbreaks, a lot of online sources say men have very little symptoms. I came here as I always do because I can always educate myself more from the people who are living with it. Thanks! 

 

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WilsoInAus Platinum Support Member

WilsoInAus

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15 minutes ago, LetItGo said:

Yes it is not near his pubic area. It is exactly where a condom would fully cover. He has been tested before we started dating, all negative. The reason I raised such concern is online I do read men usually have no symptoms, where i had fever, burning, itching, etc. but I came here because I feel it’s far more trustworthy information because we are the people living with it. I appreciate your opinion on this. 

This reduces the chances significantly that it is related to herpes.

I think we men experience not dissimilar outbreaks in nature but no doubting the female anatomy is much more sensitive in which herpes lesions can wreak more havoc and heal slower. Without the lesions, the chance of other 'imperfections' indicating herpes is pretty low indeed.

Reality is that we get some assorted issues on the penis, pimples, fordyce spots, rashes from a day's experience in jocks, funny red bumps that come and go in hours etc.  

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Quest Platinum Support Member

Quest

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There are so many areas in the forum and posts get lost fast. Look up the many things that can appear on the penis that is nothing to be concerned about and ease your mind. 

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2kroc Platinum Support Member

2kroc

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No, if you've been consistently using a condom then his penis couldnt have been exposed to herpes.

 

Also I recommend he guys use coconut oil or divine 9 lubricant as full body lube because they have anti viral properties in them.

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LetItGo Honeycomb Member

LetItGo

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Just now, WilsoInAus said:

As in he always had it from childhood?

Actually no he had tested negative 3 months before we had got together. During those 3 months he received oral from 3 different girls. We think it came from one of them? I have been tested frequently w my doctor and blood work since and only positive for HSV 2 not 1. 

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WilsoInAus Platinum Support Member

WilsoInAus

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I think it’s more likely his negative test either wasn’t IgG or a false negative.

A primary infection genitally with HSV-1 does not go unnoticed. Oh la la, unmistakable sores within days of infection.

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LetItGo Honeycomb Member

LetItGo

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9 hours ago, WilsoInAus said:

I think it’s more likely his negative test either wasn’t IgG or a false negative.

A primary infection genitally with HSV-1 does not go unnoticed. Oh la la, unmistakable sores within days of infection.

How common are false negatives?! I feel like I see a lot of that 

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      Is this herpes? Or any other fungal infection

      By Nameshame · Posted

      @WilsoInAus do you really thing that above my symptoms are Herpes related? Or it may because of Herpes zoster shingles? Bcz of this my Igm is positive?
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      Is this herpes? Or any other fungal infection

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    • CHT
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      By CHT · Posted

      Hi "Jeremy"..... I agree, the topic of your HSV status does not need to be something you disclose too soon in a developing relationship..... get to know each other first....see how it's going and as it progresses, then the HSV issue will naturally need to be revealed.... it's my personal opinion though that before there is any sexual encounter you ought to disclose your HSV status.... I know some will disagree with me on this but, I think it is morally wrong not to disclose first.  This can be a make/break situation for most people but, again, I feel it is simply wrong not to give the other person the whole story since your decision not to disclose could put their health at risk.... that is simply not an option in my opinion.  Looking back to my "pre-HSV" life I most certainly would want my partner to disclose their HSV+ status before intimacy so that I could make my decision as to whether I want to take that risk or not.... 
    • Jeremy Spokein
      SUCCESS STORY: Herpes is an opportunity to built trust and connection through vulnerability.

      By Jeremy Spokein · Posted

      Thanks, CHT. I appreciate the feedback. The whole trauma of going through this has led me to figure out a lot about myself and my attachment wounds, so I'm taking courses to come out of this better. This girl really was my dream woman in so many ways, it's been the hardest heartbreak to deal with ever. I'm truly in a lot of pain, but using the pain as fuel to launch that new business and work with coaches. I also opened up to my family about HSV, so my parents and sister know now, and they were very loving and accepting of it. Since opening up about it, I feel way better around this thing. After opening up, I also found out that some mutual friends in our family have discordant couples who are married with children, so HSV hasn't stopped them from living a loving life. The thing is... all of these couples I mention did not disclose until 6-8 months into the relationship. So now I'm thinking it might be better not to disclose until I know things are very serious. I'll of course stay on the medication and use protection, but maybe this is a better route than disclosing upfront and scaring women off.
    • WilsoInAus
      Could this be hsv-2?

      By WilsoInAus · Posted

      Hey @Lcj987 and welcome to the website. You can be sure that isn't HSV-2, looks nothing like it. It is much more likely to be folliculitis or inflamed fordyce spots.
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