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Dealing With Depression

Kiwanda

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Kiwanda Honeycomb Member

Kiwanda

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Hi everyone, I just created an account and wanted to share my story.

I found out I have HSV2 about 4 months. After a couple months I thought the worst of the depression was over, but I am now more miserable than ever. This occupies my thoughts every waking moment of every day. I did everything right. I met a nice girl and we started dating. We had the talk, I asked if she was clean and she said Yes. I asked if she had been tested and she said Yes. I asked her specifically if she had Herpes and she said No. I asked her if she had had the specific test for HSV1 and HSV2 and she said that she had. We even used protection. It was all lies. She had experienced symptoms in the past, suspected she might have it, chose to live in denial, lied to me about having been tested, and gave it to me as a result.

When I was in the 5th or 6th grade I developed a case of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD). I was one of those kids with insane cleaning routines. My hands were cracked and bleeding from over-washing, and I went through ridiculous cleansing rituals that nobody but me understood. People thought I was just paranoid about germs in general. Nobody really understood. I could not have cared less about germs or dirt or catching a cold, I was terrified of one thing only: Herpes. Specifically at that time mouth sores, or HSV1. It got to the point where I could not even function socially, and I was pulled out of school, and eventually sent to live with relatives and go to a new school across the country. Nearing age 14 I decided I did not want to live that way any longer and with effort I over came my OCD and finally started to live a normal life again.

Up until recently I had gone my entire life without any STDs, especially HSV1 or HSV2, though I've had multiple partners as an adult, and I've always gotten tested just to know for sure. This is my worst fear come true. I am frustrated and angry with what she did to me. I can't make peace with this new reality, how everything has changed for the worse, and it's extremely depressing. I know I'm not unique or special. Nobody plans on getting Herpes and I'm sure each of you has been just as miserable and depressed after finding out. So that's my sob story. I came here because I don't know where else to go for support. Any kind words of encouragement would be much appreciated:)

Thanks for reading.

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Scooby2112 Platinum Support Member

Scooby2112

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Sorry for how you are feeling.  But I find it comforting to know this is so common. When you look at a group of people know that 2 out of every 10 of them have genital herpes.  You are not alone and many people have it.  

In some ways only you can choose to be depressed.  And only you can choose to live your life to the fullest extent.  

I know a friend of mine who caught in high school. He now has a wife and two beautiful kids and 100% of the time I would never suspect he even had it.  

Things can be good it does take time to learn to love yourself again and until you do that you will have a hard time finding love from others.  

I wish you the best.  

  • Giftedboy, Dee22 and Kiwanda
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Lk2404 Honeycomb Member

Lk2404

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Hey- reading your story was so similar to my own. I was so terrified of having herpes my entire sexual life, And i think the universe gave it to me and laughed. It’s been the hardest thing I’ve ever had to deal with. It was my worst fear in life, TRULY. And now that it happened to me I still cannot get over it. I too went all of my life not having HSV1 or 2 in my blood and all it takes is meeting one careles / ignorant person and trusting them as we humans do, and BAM. Life changer. You are so not alone and I feel your pain.

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Dee22 Established Member

Dee22

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Hi

@Kiwanda..... welcome this is a good start to talk to others. I feel and felt the same way. I am super clean and terrified of certain things particularly std. i have tried to accept my diagnosis but feel sad and isolated because of it. 

I also cant believe it as i think im irrationally scared of it and the implications but no turning back now. 

If u want to pm me feel free. 

We can relate to how u feel and all i keep telling myself is we are still the same person. 

X

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Kiwanda Honeycomb Member

Kiwanda

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Thank you everyone:) I'm sorry we're all in this boat, but it's nice to know I'm not alone. @WilsolnAus, HSV 2. So far I seem to have an outbreak about once every two months or so. The outbreaks really aren't that bad either. That's the ironic thing, physically it's nothing more than a minor annoyance, hardly anything to be concerned about. It's just the knowledge that I have this thing that there's no cure for and all that entails.

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  • Posts

    • FirstTimeUser
      HELP - IS THIS HERPES?

      By FirstTimeUser · Posted

      @WilsoInAuswould appreciate your thoughts as have seen you comment quite a bit before!
    • Marlena
      HSV1/2 blood test results

      By Marlena · Posted

      Good morning. My name is Marlena and I come from Poland. Sorry, my English is average. For two years I have been in a relationship with a man, for a year and a half I have been struggling with intimate problems. On average, my intimate condition is getting worse every month. Then I feel itching, redness, swelling around the entrance to the vagina, small blisters (not always). Most often it is only red and swollen, itches and then disappears. This state lasts 3-4 days. I come from a small town, doctors don't know what it is. They say it's 'skin irritation'. They prescribe moisturizing creams with lactic acid, probiotics. It doesn't help. I did a blood test for HSV on my own, which is very expensive in Poland, but it does not separate HSV1 from HSV2. The doctor, when he shows these results, says that it's not herpes, but irritation. I would like to add that in the past I suffered from herpes on the lips, then it was a 'scab'. There has never been a scab in an intimate area. Sometimes there are blisters that last 1-2 days, but not always. So what do high blood test results mean? I would like to add that in Poland people do not talk about the HSV virus. It's just that sometimes someone has it on their lips and that's it. Results translation: IgM HSV 1/2: questionable IgG HSV 1/2: result above the measuring range https://files.fm/f/4cpu7uee4  
    • FirstTimeUser
      HELP - IS THIS HERPES?

      By FirstTimeUser · Posted

      This is my first time posting here. Im generally pretty anxious when it comes to anything to do with health conditions etc. For context I have had jock itch and fungal infections previously on my buttcrack. I have had 0 new sexual partners and I am not concerned about my girlfriend cheating at all. 4 days ago my balls began itching and red pretty much all over, as you can see some general flakeyness and what looks to be a lesion I noticed on Monday when I checked them out. My partner and I do get cold sores from time to time so the anxious part of me is concerned this could be herpes, but at the same time could be some sort of fungal infection. My doctor cant see me until tomorrow so I just have to worry until then. There is no pain and nothing on the penis or anywhere else, just general itchiness. Any ideas if this is herpes or not?  
    • Jeremy Spokein
      SUCCESS STORY: Herpes is an opportunity to built trust and connection through vulnerability.

      By Jeremy Spokein · Posted

      Yes, but every married person who I found out about that has this waited 6-8 months into the relationship to disclose it. But maybe you're right. If I had told her 6-7 months in, she'd still have Googled it and flipped out, and maybe it would have been harder then. I don't know. I don't see myself going through this level of pain and rejection so easily next time. I really don't. I'm taking the meds. I use protection. It's been almost a decade since I've had it so I'm not worried about shedding or passing it on so easily. British studies confirm that the first 2 years are the most contagious and we're passed that. I'm just over this. I've never been in so much emotional pain in my life.
    • Possiblehypercon11
      Is this herpes?? Need help!

      By Possiblehypercon11 · Posted

      @WilsoInAus would really appreciate your input please. Kinda freaking out lol. 
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