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I told him I have herpes .....is he ending things?


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Hi. I've met this AMAZING man 2 months ago and we instantly had a great connection. From the day we met we talked everyday/night and gone out multiple times, we're even discussed a future together. It was like we have both been praying for each other and FINALLY its here. BUT fast-forward to last Sunday I disclosed that I have Herpes Simplex 2 and I got it 8 years ago (20) from my child's father. I could immediately tell he was in shock and speechless. I didn't talk about it much at that moment and still we haven't talked much about it. I can definitely tell he's acting funny, not calling as much and he finally admitted it yesterday that his has become slightly distant.

He said I've been forcing him to say he doesn't want to date me anymore, forcing him to make a decide now, forcing him to express himself (his words). I've kinda been trying to force him to discuss it and he keeps saying leave it alone and give me time to process.  But its been a week.He has made it known he still likes me but isn't calling as much for sure. He haven't spoke 24 hours, I've called once no answer. 

I'm so hurt. I honestly don't know if he just wants to think or if this is his way of cutting me. I would love to hear if anyone has experienced anything like this before. Will he at least care enough to call again and say no I can't do this?

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When a guy says he needs space and time to process just let him have his time.  Calling him and trying to get him to talk to you isn't going to help the situation.  Guys are different than girls, they don't like to talk about things, they internalize them.  Just let him have his time and if he stops seeing you over this, his loss not yours!

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wishing the best for you and your outcome. The stigma surrounding Herpes has made it even harder for us to be accepted. Yes it’s for life, yes it’s contagious but it’s manageable. I really wish more people would educate themselves and not be so judgemental. Is he the first person you’ve tried dating since you found out? 

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    • Nameshame
      @WilsoInAus do you really thing that above my symptoms are Herpes related? Or it may because of Herpes zoster shingles? Bcz of this my Igm is positive?
    • Nameshame
      @WilsoInAus i requested my partner, but they are refusing from testing and saying they dint had any symptoms. Now the only way i left is to wait untill 12 weeks window period right? I am not getting what to do in this case. Any suggestion for any other tests?
    • CHT
      Hi "Jeremy"..... I agree, the topic of your HSV status does not need to be something you disclose too soon in a developing relationship..... get to know each other first....see how it's going and as it progresses, then the HSV issue will naturally need to be revealed.... it's my personal opinion though that before there is any sexual encounter you ought to disclose your HSV status.... I know some will disagree with me on this but, I think it is morally wrong not to disclose first.  This can be a make/break situation for most people but, again, I feel it is simply wrong not to give the other person the whole story since your decision not to disclose could put their health at risk.... that is simply not an option in my opinion.  Looking back to my "pre-HSV" life I most certainly would want my partner to disclose their HSV+ status before intimacy so that I could make my decision as to whether I want to take that risk or not.... 
    • Jeremy Spokein
      Thanks, CHT. I appreciate the feedback. The whole trauma of going through this has led me to figure out a lot about myself and my attachment wounds, so I'm taking courses to come out of this better. This girl really was my dream woman in so many ways, it's been the hardest heartbreak to deal with ever. I'm truly in a lot of pain, but using the pain as fuel to launch that new business and work with coaches. I also opened up to my family about HSV, so my parents and sister know now, and they were very loving and accepting of it. Since opening up about it, I feel way better around this thing. After opening up, I also found out that some mutual friends in our family have discordant couples who are married with children, so HSV hasn't stopped them from living a loving life. The thing is... all of these couples I mention did not disclose until 6-8 months into the relationship. So now I'm thinking it might be better not to disclose until I know things are very serious. I'll of course stay on the medication and use protection, but maybe this is a better route than disclosing upfront and scaring women off.
    • WilsoInAus
      Hey @Lcj987 and welcome to the website. You can be sure that isn't HSV-2, looks nothing like it. It is much more likely to be folliculitis or inflamed fordyce spots.
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