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HELP! Had unprotected sex without disclosing HSV-1


MoMo44

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I have had gHSV-1 for about a year and a half now.  I got H from a sexual assault and haven't come to terms with either the assault or the herpes and am very much in denial.  I have since had 1 recurrence that resulted in a cut-like lesion and lasted about 3 days.  I have been in 2 semi relationships since my diagnosis and disclosed to both partners prior to having sex.  Just 2 nights ago, though, I had a drunken, unprotected, one night stand with an old friend and did not disclose my status.  The guilt was eating me alive so I called him today and suggested that he get tested.  I didn't have the courage to give him all of the details of my diagnosis but told him to keep me updated with any symptoms or results when he is tested.  He was very angry at first, rightfully so, but when I told him it is HSV-1, he seemed less worried.  I am still drowning in guilt and feel like I truly cannot live with myself knowing that I very well could have KNOWINGLY transmitted this to him.  I would give absolutely anything to rewind and delete that night.  Has anyone else dealt with this feeling?  Does anyone have advice for how I can move forward?  

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I think there ought to be fewer issues with HSV-1. This is typically taken as a given in a relationship, let alone a one night stand. He may very well have HSV-2 as well as HSV-1 for example!

Did you have a blood test to confirm your status for HSV 1/2?

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I've only been confirmed via swab.  I had a horrible initial outbreak with a positive swab for HSV-1, then a negative swab about 7 months ago, and a positive swab just 2 months ago.  I actually have not been tested via blood but I hope to do that soon. 

I am really concerned because he is a younger guy and I worry that if he does get it, that he will think his life is over and do something like tell people from our hometown or even try to press charges.  I truly feel like the worst person on this planet as this is incredibly out of character for me to have done. 

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You have had the infection some time now, which means it is established, meaning your immune system is in a good long term operating pattern.

This means you shed very infrequently. Number of days you have an infectious amount present is less than 5 days a year... and only for an hour or so on those days! The infection chances are therefore negligible for this guy.

Further if he is one of the 70% of the population with HSV-1, there was no pragmatic risk for him.

There is no criminal charge for not disclosing or transmitting a HSV-1 infection, that's not a possibility for you.

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    • WilsoInAus
      Hey @Lcj987 and welcome to the website. You can be sure that isn't HSV-2, looks nothing like it. It is much more likely to be folliculitis or inflamed fordyce spots.
    • WilsoInAus
      Hey @JackThrowAway herpes causes an outbreak where it enters the body first and maybe a progressive spread. If it doesn't cause an outbreak at the entry site then it won't cause one elsewhere, it also won't 'jump' upon infection - it would be more likely that the lesions are continuous from the penis to the anus. Nevertheless, testing trumps symptoms or any interpretation of symptoms. The correct conclusive result arises when: you have a positive swab; or An IgG HSV-2 level over 3.5 (Herpeselect test).
    • Lcj987
      Slept with someone unprotected, roughly 2 weeks ago now. I felt generally unwell the couple of days after but I’d been drinking the whole weekend and didn’t have much sleep either of the days of that weekend so put it down to that. 6 days after I noticed these spots appear on the shaft of my penis. Along with symptoms of discomfort in my shaft in the couple of days prior to them appearing. No pain when urinating at all that I have noticed. They don’t hurt, itch or tingle and they don’t have fluid in from what I can see or feel if I squeeze them and have never burst? I went to a sexual health clinic to get checked up, they took bloods to do a full test and looked at the spots but said they saw nothing that concerned them but I’m not sure about that, any advice? The smaller spots under the shaft are just follicles I had diagnosed years ago and non-sti related.
    • JackThrowAway
      She tested positive for HSV2. No, there was nothing of that sort in that area.   However I also have ulcerative colitis so I’m on medication that makes me immunosuppressed. I have been bleeding a bit when I pass stools during the time of redness, so I’m unsure if I’m getting a flare from the colitis (from all the stress of everything) or if it’s due to the virus making it’s way to an already inflamed area and popping up as blisters that I can’t see and hence the bleeding.    I had two equivocal results (at 4 weeks and 6 weeks) that then went to a positive result (7 weeks after exposure). Combine that with some flu symptoms, redness, tingling etc. makes me feel it’s conclusive that this points to a hsv2 infection.
    • Anonimus
      Thanks!!!!! I appreciate your help.
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