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love&musicmell

Wow, thanks all

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love&musicmell

Just got the word last nite - ghsv+. In a relationship of about 6 months, after being w/my husband for 13 yrs. Did some fooling around before becoming exclusive w/my bf, probably got exposed then. Had a very bad ob last week - omg, could hardly sit, pee, sex hurt bad! - but I thought it was a yeast infection & went to the dr. She suspected it was hsv & started me on Valtrex. Had sex w/my bf during the ob then was out of town for the weekend, was feeling better when I returned, saw him last nite (before I got the news), had sex again. Dr. called in the evening while he was here so I told him as soon as I knew for sure, but he was VERY upset that I hadn't told him when I suspected. (Not likely he gave it to me, I have been more sexually active than he has.) Sounds like he will stand by me, but the relationship has been problematic, this just adds another issue. He doesn't have medical insurance so I offered to find a clinic so he can get tested, and pay for it if necessary. We'll either get thru this or not, but either way I have to deal with it for the rest of my life - not an easy thing to swallow. But knowing you have all been there is a huge help.

The insight and info offered here has been invaluable to me the last few days! This is NOT a 'life sentence' (neither is it a minor inconvenience) - I'm still trying to balance out what it all means. It's very hard not to blame myself, esp. because I care for this man very much. Feeling kind of numb, just another in a long line of screw-ups for yours truly. Thanks for being there.

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MsLucy

Well, I could sit here and rag you out for being so irresponsible, but I wouldn't be telling you anything you don't already know, right? You knowingly put your bf's health in jeopardy, and he has every right to be upset, angry, and disappointed.

Okay, so now that it's done, what do you do? We can't go back and undo what's been done, so all that's left is to learn from our mistakes and move forward. You say your bf seems to be willing to stand by you. You need to be there for him, as well. If he tests positive (a very good chance), it's going to be as hard on him (or harder, under the circumstances) as it is on you. Understand that he's going to experience the whole range of negative emotions that you have, and help him work through them. I'm afraid it's bound to be a bumpy ride for both of you but, hopefully, you can weather it together.

No, herpes isn't a life sentence, but it is for life. It demands our respect, and demands that we respect the rights of others to choose whether they want to risk exposure by sexual contact. No one has the right to take that choice away. I think you just learned that lesson the hard way, and it will stay with you. You'll know better the next time. I sincerely hope things work out for both of you.

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