Jump to content

Met a guy, when to disclose

D_Ress

By D_Ress,
in Disclosure (telling)

 Share

Recommended Posts

D_Ress Honeycomb Member

D_Ress

Posted
Posted (edited)

I met a guy outside of the dating website for people with herpes that I've been using since I contracted the disease. As far as I know he does not have the disease. We can sit and talk for hours and have some of the same goals. We've been talking for 3 weeks now. He has asked to kiss me, but I've avoided it. I don't have oral herpes, but I not sure how he will react once I tell him I  have HSV-2 so I've been avoiding all intimate contact. I need help, I'm not sure when the best time to disclose is. I feel like I should get to know him a lot better before opening up. I read on other websites that it is best to do it right away. I thought about it, because I rather know before I catch feelings if he will reject me. Then I think, I don't know him well enough to know yet or if I can trust him with my secret and since I'm not harming him by talking to him maybe I should just wait. I'm not sure, what would you all suggest?

Edited by D_Ress
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Feeling Normal Again Established Member

Feeling Normal Again

Posted
Posted (edited)

If he's asked to kiss you, and you're avoiding physical contact, it's time to bite the bullet and disclose. I agree to be upfront from the beginning. How to disclose, I'm not a pro at that. I've only disclosed to one guy, and we're still together a year later talking marriage. And the way I disclosed was kind of immature. 

Graphic:

I told him my mouth, hands, and breast were free to use if he decided to date me, but my gentials were broke, shut down due to hsv2. He then had a million questions about hsv, we discussed in great detail and length. He decided to date me. A few months later he decided he wanted sex and said I was worth the risks. We are very very very careful. I really wouldn't want to spread this to even my worst enemy, much less the guy I love.

Edited by Feeling Normal Again
Typo
Link to comment
Share on other sites
D_Ress Honeycomb Member

D_Ress

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Thanks for your response @feelingnormalagain . I'm happy for you. Did your guy treat you different when he first found out? My guy and I are meeting up in the next couple of days, I think I might just go ahead and tell him then.

  • Feeling Normal Again
  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Feeling Normal Again Established Member

Feeling Normal Again

Posted
Posted (edited)
1 hour ago, D_Ress said:

Thanks for your response @feelingnormalagain . I'm happy for you. Did your guy treat you different when he first found out? My guy and I are meeting up in the next couple of days, I think I might just go ahead and tell him then.

No, at first he was content knowing that everything upstairs was clean, and we could still make out and have fun. When he started wanting to play downstairs after about a month of being intimate (just with his hands) I made him wear medical grade nitrile gloves. But he's always thought I was over paranoid, but understood I didn't want him to catch it.  

I never needed a relationship though, I am just as, if not more, content on my own. So if he had "rejected" me, it wouldn't have been a big deal to me. That's why I told him "Walk away if you want, I'll understand." 

Rejection doesn't bother me nor scare me. The worse someone can say is , "nope, sorry, not interested" which doesn't hurt my feelings!!

The longer you wait, the more animosity there could be though.

Edited by Feeling Normal Again
Link to comment
Share on other sites
D_Ress Honeycomb Member

D_Ress

Posted
  • Author
Posted
22 hours ago, Feeling Normal Again said:

No, at first he was content knowing that everything upstairs was clean, and we could still make out and have fun. When he started wanting to play downstairs after about a month of being intimate (just with his hands) I made him wear medical grade nitrile gloves. But he's always thought I was over paranoid, but understood I didn't want him to catch it.  

I never needed a relationship though, I am just as, if not more, content on my own. So if he had "rejected" me, it wouldn't have been a big deal to me. That's why I told him "Walk away if you want, I'll understand." 

Rejection doesn't bother me nor scare me. The worse someone can say is , "nope, sorry, not interested" which doesn't hurt my feelings!!

The longer you wait, the more animosity there could be though.

I ended up telling him through text. After I told him that I needed to talk to him he started asking what it was and saying that I could tell him over the phone. So I went ahead and told him. I let him know that if he want to sit down to talk about it we could. So I will see where it goes from here.

  • Quest and Feeling Normal Again
  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Feeling Normal Again Established Member

Feeling Normal Again

Posted
Posted
2 hours ago, D_Ress said:

I ended up telling him through text. After I told him that I needed to talk to him he started asking what it was and saying that I could tell him over the phone. So I went ahead and told him. I let him know that if he want to sit down to talk about it we could. So I will see where it goes from here.

If he does great, if he doesn't well times have changed. Used to be more single women out there, all searching for fairy tale love, labeled desperate. 

Now I find the opposite to be true, seems to be way more single men out there searching for relationships. Lots of fish in the sea.

I told my bf for a few months, we can be friends, but I don't want an intimate relationship, no dating, no sex, I'm not interested in romance. That gave him time to get to know my personality, I think he'd fallen head over heels before I agreed to date him and disclosed.

Good luck!!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
 Share
Go to topic listing

  • Donate

    If Honeycomb has helped you, please help us by making a donation so we can provide you with even better features and services.

  • The Hive is Thriving!

    • Total Topics
      71.9k
    • Total Posts
      485.2k

  • Posts

    • WilsoInAus
      Could this be hsv-2?

      By WilsoInAus · Posted

      Hey @Lcj987 and welcome to the website. You can be sure that isn't HSV-2, looks nothing like it. It is much more likely to be folliculitis or inflamed fordyce spots.
    • WilsoInAus
      Unsure if Herpes, awaiting swabs, need help

      By WilsoInAus · Posted

      Hey @JackThrowAway herpes causes an outbreak where it enters the body first and maybe a progressive spread. If it doesn't cause an outbreak at the entry site then it won't cause one elsewhere, it also won't 'jump' upon infection - it would be more likely that the lesions are continuous from the penis to the anus. Nevertheless, testing trumps symptoms or any interpretation of symptoms. The correct conclusive result arises when: you have a positive swab; or An IgG HSV-2 level over 3.5 (Herpeselect test).
    • Lcj987
      Could this be hsv-2?

      By Lcj987 · Posted

      Slept with someone unprotected, roughly 2 weeks ago now. I felt generally unwell the couple of days after but I’d been drinking the whole weekend and didn’t have much sleep either of the days of that weekend so put it down to that. 6 days after I noticed these spots appear on the shaft of my penis. Along with symptoms of discomfort in my shaft in the couple of days prior to them appearing. No pain when urinating at all that I have noticed. They don’t hurt, itch or tingle and they don’t have fluid in from what I can see or feel if I squeeze them and have never burst? I went to a sexual health clinic to get checked up, they took bloods to do a full test and looked at the spots but said they saw nothing that concerned them but I’m not sure about that, any advice? The smaller spots under the shaft are just follicles I had diagnosed years ago and non-sti related.
    • JackThrowAway
      Unsure if Herpes, awaiting swabs, need help

      By JackThrowAway · Posted

      She tested positive for HSV2. No, there was nothing of that sort in that area.   However I also have ulcerative colitis so I’m on medication that makes me immunosuppressed. I have been bleeding a bit when I pass stools during the time of redness, so I’m unsure if I’m getting a flare from the colitis (from all the stress of everything) or if it’s due to the virus making it’s way to an already inflamed area and popping up as blisters that I can’t see and hence the bleeding.    I had two equivocal results (at 4 weeks and 6 weeks) that then went to a positive result (7 weeks after exposure). Combine that with some flu symptoms, redness, tingling etc. makes me feel it’s conclusive that this points to a hsv2 infection.
    • Anonimus
      HELP! Conflicting results (different reference values)

      By Anonimus · Posted

      Thanks!!!!! I appreciate your help.
×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue.

  I accept