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Hi! Advice to someone trying to date someone with HSV2?


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Hi!  I'm a man without HSV2 (I have HSV1) who just met a woman who has HSV2 and I'm terrified to catch it.  I'm interested in advice or perspective on this!  Anyone?

According to my research (pasted below), it's rare to contract HSV2 orally, and especially so if you already have HSV1 colonized on your lips.  Therefore, I'm feeling hopeful that she and I could stick to oral sex (at least for now) without much risk.  Yes?

Any other advice for me?



Oral sex is more of an issue for HSV-1 transmission — from mouth to genitals, and indeed, HSV-1 is a fast-growing cause of genital herpes. Oral sex, though, is not much of a risk for HSV-2, since HSV-2 oral infection is rare and shedding of HSV-2 from the mouth is extremely low.
HSV 2 rarely ever spreads orally, it is only 1% of oral herpes cases.
Myth: If you have genital herpes you can't have (receive) oral sex.
Fact: Herpes transmission to the mouth is uncommon. (https://www.herpes.org.nz/patient-info/myths-vs-facts/)

Fact: Once you have herpes at one site, it is rare to then get the same type at another site. This is because your body develops antibodies which prevent this from happening.


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That's true, with one caveat. It's really up to her if she will accept the fact that she won't get penetration. I am sure you are skilled, orally!  Gee, I love sex too much! I love making love. It would be a complete deal breaker for me. Only me.

Take the risk! :perverted:Get some sexy latex and lots of quality lube cover your trunk area in latex and cover your trouser trout with a .02 or .01 polyisoprene condom so you can feel her heat and bend her over the ...and hand her a bullet vibe and shag her till she... and you... Oh, wait, did I just write that?

≤ wipes the bead of sweat off her brow ≥ ah, fantasies can come true! 

Edited by Quest
The idea is not to insult you! The devil made me do it!
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Ha ha that was fun to read!

I hate condoms though!  Got a vasectomy for a reason. :)

Funny thing, after I wrote that post a few hours ago, she came over.

I learned that she is like you; she wants to be SHAGGED, and wasn't much interested in just oral.

I told her, "not yet."

She asked why. I said "i'm afraid of catching the disease."

Turning her down really disappointed her! She struggles with her feelings of self-worth anyway. I felt so bad. 

It's been SUCH a struggle for me to arrive at the "let's not go there yet" decision. I know that without an outbreak, the chances of me catching it are low, but still...

Even if I didn't catch it, it would limit my options considerably.  (My understanding is that a blood test for HPV isn't valid until several months after exposure, yes?) So sleeping with her even once is making something of a commitment. And I've only known her 3 weeks. 

I don't know WHAT it would take for me to feel like it's worth the risk.

I guess, looking at it as optimistically as possible... she's going through her process emotionally, and I can be compassionate, but still take care of myself. If I need to "not go there yet" then she needs to accept it.

Maybe it will break the relationship.  Or maybe it will grow into exactly what it is supposed to be. 

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I have a message I want you to give her. Tell her to study fellatio/hand techniques by Lou Paget.  Tell her to learn and get very good at edging" using Ode to Bryan" technique. And lastly, tell her to look up the word ninja pussy" and how to get one with yoni eggs".   The woman who teaches women to get a Ninja... Can lift her surf board with her vagina. Tell her she will be in control of her sex life and to never let anyone else control it. If you or she drops the relationship, have her write me. She will also be teaching him what pleases her along with his skills. If you let go of her empower her!

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What you want to do is really up to you and your partner so it's good that you have been talking with her about it.

Suppressive antivirals are a good option if people want to have sex with reduced transmission and no condoms. A person can take valacyclovir once a day or acyclovir twice a day to cut down on the risk of sharing their herpes. If someone has had their hsv for over a year, takes antivirals, and doesn't have symptoms....chances of passing it on are slim.

I have hsv2 and my partner has hsv1, and using antivirals has been our choice. We accept that there is some risk involved with that, and while neither of us wants more hsv, it would not be the end of the world if somebody shared theirs. However, since you are "terrified" of getting hsv2, it seems like a good choice to wait.

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    Just because you and that special one have the same type of STD doesn't mean you won't have an outbreak after unprotected sex.  Also, I'd recommend herpes, in-person group events for finding someone without having to endure an awkward disclosure to a non-herpes interest.

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      Hey Jeremy.... I know only too well that emotional pain you are feeling.... I really do.... and many of us on this site also know that pain.  It's not so much the physical side of having HSV that hurts, it's the stigma and risk of rejection that stings like hell!  You have to do what you think is right as it relates to when you disclose your HSV status when getting to know someone romantically.... I just think it's best to do it relatively early, and certainly before any sexual activity.   Have you looked into dating sites that cater to those with HSV?  I know others have had some luck with meeting partners on these sites.... you don't have to worry about the "disclosure" talk nor would you obviously have to worry about passing along a virus the other person already has.... take a few minutes and search around and see if it's an option you like. By the way, by taking your daily antiviral med and using a condom, your risk of passing along the virus is down around 1.9%.... pretty good odds that if you stick to your regimen you are very unlikely to transmit the virus....keep that in mind when you meet your next girlfriend and need to have "the talk."  That statistic might help calm any concerns about contracting the virus from you. I hope you don't give up.... as tough as it can be to find the right partner, it's still worth trying.... try to stay optimistic and look into some alternate options and see what happens.... all the best.... take care.
    • FirstTimeUser
      @WilsoInAuswould appreciate your thoughts as have seen you comment quite a bit before!
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      Good morning. My name is Marlena and I come from Poland. Sorry, my English is average. For two years I have been in a relationship with a man, for a year and a half I have been struggling with intimate problems. On average, my intimate condition is getting worse every month. Then I feel itching, redness, swelling around the entrance to the vagina, small blisters (not always). Most often it is only red and swollen, itches and then disappears. This state lasts 3-4 days. I come from a small town, doctors don't know what it is. They say it's 'skin irritation'. They prescribe moisturizing creams with lactic acid, probiotics. It doesn't help. I did a blood test for HSV on my own, which is very expensive in Poland, but it does not separate HSV1 from HSV2. The doctor, when he shows these results, says that it's not herpes, but irritation. I would like to add that in the past I suffered from herpes on the lips, then it was a 'scab'. There has never been a scab in an intimate area. Sometimes there are blisters that last 1-2 days, but not always. So what do high blood test results mean? I would like to add that in Poland people do not talk about the HSV virus. It's just that sometimes someone has it on their lips and that's it. Results translation: IgM HSV 1/2: questionable IgG HSV 1/2: result above the measuring range https://files.fm/f/4cpu7uee4  
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