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Who does this guy love? The person he lies to or the person he tells the truth!


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I’m having a major issue right now I have a guy whose been my friend for about 2 years now and I found out he gave me herpes. After a brief separation I found out after telling him in person he acted like he did not know but accepted it nevertheless he made me feel like we were in it together. I’m in love with him and feel like we are perfect together after treating him kinda mean in the beginning I fell for him after we started a sexual relationship. He was a dream come true for me he treated me so good and after separating I realized I loved him but then found out he gave me Herpes. Now after reconnecting he told me he is kinda in a relationship. 

In my opinion the person a guy lies to he love. Wanting to protect the person feelings is a indicator of love but on the other hand leaving the person in the dark is considered abuse in a way. Telling a woman about the status of your relationship is basically letting a person know where y’all stand no love included.

I had a on and off again relationship with a man who told me that he was single we had sex a year in a half later after meeting but after some disagreements and my lack of interest he disappeared again and after traveling to his city he told me that he is in somewhat of a relationship with another woman, he claimed that she wasn’t his cup of tea but she has been nothing but a friend to him so he didn’t want to hurt her. I guess my feelings don’t matter. He told me did I want him to lie to me and at that moment I did want him to lie I wanted him to protect my feelings too. I fell in love with him and while he ignored me for 6 months he did not tell me he was seeing anybody else so telling me means nothing or proves he has love for me in my opinion. We had sex before he told me so I was sad now we are just friends I accepted that he has a girlfriend but I can’t play the side chick role even tho I love him I’m trying to move on but honestly I’m stuck he gave me a incurable STD and didn’t know so my feelings for him won’t go away so for now I’m just trying to deal with the situation and not lose my mind


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    • CHT
      Hi "Jeremy"..... I agree, the topic of your HSV status does not need to be something you disclose too soon in a developing relationship..... get to know each other first....see how it's going and as it progresses, then the HSV issue will naturally need to be revealed.... it's my personal opinion though that before there is any sexual encounter you ought to disclose your HSV status.... I know some will disagree with me on this but, I think it is morally wrong not to disclose first.  This can be a make/break situation for most people but, again, I feel it is simply wrong not to give the other person the whole story since your decision not to disclose could put their health at risk.... that is simply not an option in my opinion.  Looking back to my "pre-HSV" life I most certainly would want my partner to disclose their HSV+ status before intimacy so that I could make my decision as to whether I want to take that risk or not.... 
    • Jeremy Spokein
      Thanks, CHT. I appreciate the feedback. The whole trauma of going through this has led me to figure out a lot about myself and my attachment wounds, so I'm taking courses to come out of this better. This girl really was my dream woman in so many ways, it's been the hardest heartbreak to deal with ever. I'm truly in a lot of pain, but using the pain as fuel to launch that new business and work with coaches. I also opened up to my family about HSV, so my parents and sister know now, and they were very loving and accepting of it. Since opening up about it, I feel way better around this thing. After opening up, I also found out that some mutual friends in our family have discordant couples who are married with children, so HSV hasn't stopped them from living a loving life. The thing is... all of these couples I mention did not disclose until 6-8 months into the relationship. So now I'm thinking it might be better not to disclose until I know things are very serious. I'll of course stay on the medication and use protection, but maybe this is a better route than disclosing upfront and scaring women off.
    • WilsoInAus
      Hey @Lcj987 and welcome to the website. You can be sure that isn't HSV-2, looks nothing like it. It is much more likely to be folliculitis or inflamed fordyce spots.
    • WilsoInAus
      Hey @JackThrowAway herpes causes an outbreak where it enters the body first and maybe a progressive spread. If it doesn't cause an outbreak at the entry site then it won't cause one elsewhere, it also won't 'jump' upon infection - it would be more likely that the lesions are continuous from the penis to the anus. Nevertheless, testing trumps symptoms or any interpretation of symptoms. The correct conclusive result arises when: you have a positive swab; or An IgG HSV-2 level over 3.5 (Herpeselect test).
    • Lcj987
      Slept with someone unprotected, roughly 2 weeks ago now. I felt generally unwell the couple of days after but I’d been drinking the whole weekend and didn’t have much sleep either of the days of that weekend so put it down to that. 6 days after I noticed these spots appear on the shaft of my penis. Along with symptoms of discomfort in my shaft in the couple of days prior to them appearing. No pain when urinating at all that I have noticed. They don’t hurt, itch or tingle and they don’t have fluid in from what I can see or feel if I squeeze them and have never burst? I went to a sexual health clinic to get checked up, they took bloods to do a full test and looked at the spots but said they saw nothing that concerned them but I’m not sure about that, any advice? The smaller spots under the shaft are just follicles I had diagnosed years ago and non-sti related.
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