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candy100

When do you tell?

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candy100

I've been communicating with a guy over the internet. We've seen pics of each other and we are attracted to one another. We've had phone conversations and I can feel that connection. Do I tell him over the phone or do I wait until I meet him in person? Do I tell him on the first date or do I wait until date 5 or 6? This is really bothering me because I feel that I like him and I want to be honest. We live approximately 2 hours from each other so this will be a mini trip when we do meet...I don't want it to be a waste of time for either of us.:confused:

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Relieved&Hopefull

First of all, congrats to you on wanting to be up front and honest with your new potential man. I haven't always been so honest, but I have turned over a new leaf. :roll:

My advice would be to wait until a bit of a relationship has developed, but definitely before sex. Basically, when it comes down to it, an uninfected person is only likely to take the "risk" of being with an infected person if the benefits of being with that person outweigh the risk of getting herpes. I would wait until he knows you as a person and starts to show signs that he really likes you. I think anything sooner than that is too easy for the guy to walk away. Some people may say this approach is leading him on, but I say it's *reality*. Just remember...no sex until you tell him. Good luck! I had my first "telling" experience this week (I used to hide it) and I waited until we were dating for almost two months. By then, I knew he couldn't live without me and wouldn't walk away for a lil' ol' thing like herpes! ;)

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Unbelievable

I am the opposite... I tell right away... I don't want to ever be attached mentally to someone who would not be with me.... so.... I usually tell on the first date if not sooner... since you met him online... and have talked a lot to him... I say the sooner the better... otherwise he may think you held out on some info that would have prevented him from meeting you....

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just21

You should do what you feel is right for yourself. If you think that you should wait till u get to know each other better than do it that way. People are all different and whats right for one person isn't really right for another. But i have to agree with telling them before you become intimate.

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fullofhope27

I was just talking with my psychologist about this today. I just got out of a relationship with the guy that I believe I contracted herpes from. In my head I think that I would tell them when the relationship has progressed to a "lets get physical" level. Basically, at the same time that I would ask if someone has been tested for STDs. Now I know to include *all* STDs in that sentence since so many people are asymptomatic carriers. Who knows, they may have it too and not know it.

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Morning

As long as it is before sex (intercourse and/or oral)

I was just talking with my psychologist about this today. I just got out of a relationship with the guy that I believe I contracted herpes from. In my head I think that I would tell them when the relationship has progressed to a "lets get physical" level. Basically, at the same time that I would ask if someone has been tested for STDs. Now I know to include *all* STDs in that sentence since so many people are asymptomatic carriers. Who knows, they may have it too and not know it.

I do things the way Fullofhope does. I bring it up when we are having the conversation about when we were last tested. As long as you tell him before sex (or even before you're in the moment-nothing worse that being aroused then saying 'oh by the way I have...') then I think you're on the right track. One of the things I think regarding telling right away is, would I tell someone that I've ever had an STD before right away? Has anyone ever told me right off that they ever had an STD in the past right away? Seems unnatural to me. That's why I personally wait until we have enough of a connection to be having such a personal conversation. Not saying any other way is wrong, just saying this is what has worked for me. Good luck!

Morning

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