Im new to this group, but not new to herpes. I’ve had it for about 5 years. In those 5 years, I’ve been with 5 ppl and I’ve disclosed with success to each one. No one has ever had a problem with my diagnosis or the method or time i told them.
And then then this happened...
i met met this guy and we REALLY connected. More connection than I’ve had with anyone. Talked for hours on end. It was a long distance thing, but we got really close quickly. Spent an hour a day on the phone.
He he decided to drive out to see me. At this point we had only made out, nothing more. I knew I’d have to have the talk with him. I’ve always had them in person and thought nothing different about this time. Of course i was nervous, but also this connection was so rare.
I told him the first night he was here. Yes, we had had a couple drinks, and we had been making out. But no clothes were off and nothing had happened. He asked a few questions, asked about wearing condoms, and then we had sex with a condom.
We we had sex about 8 times over the course of the weekend and he never asked any more questions or anything. Everything was great.
Until about 9 days after he left... then he started freaking out thinking he may be getting sick. He lashed out at me and told me i should’ve told him before he came to see me. Blaming me for it all.
I said i sorry that he felt i had treated him unfairly, but no one had ever had a problem and that i always tell in person.
he broke up with me. Saying that if i had truly cared about him i would’ve told him before he came to see me. This blows my mind. I don’t take back not telling him on the phone. I think it’s a face to face conversation. I thought we really had a Connection, but apparently it wasn’t the same to him.
Anyone else had someone reject them after disclosure and after sex even multiple times?!
I've known him for less than a month. I model &he is a young, handsome assistant photographer with whom I was in Mexico with for 5 days. I have been diagnosed with HSV2 for over a year now, but I have only had an outbreak twice within that year& I do take antiviral medication for it. He &I did not know eachother prior to Mexico, but we hit it off& as a single-mother who doesn't get out much I am guilty of making the first move by asking if it was cool to cuddle. I was actually really surprised he said yes, with that being said I do remember thinking to myself,"but I have herpes... okay, we will just cuddle, if he wants more, I will stop it, if I can't stop it I will just give him head." &though that may seem like a naive thought, I am 22 years old& he is the first guy I've ever "hooked-up" with. I've never had sex outside a relationship or several dates, before him. To add, I also do had a friend that I cuddled with, without sex, but I should have noted that I'm not attracted to that friend which is why that probably worked with him. So we did the deed, I didn't stop it, I let it happen because I selfishly wanted it so badly. I even forgot about my herpes for a good couple days after the act. When I looked in my cabinet to get something& saw my prescribed antiviral medication,I realized what I had done. I told him today, it's been 16days since the act. I was calm& explained to him that because he used a condom&I do take my antiviral medication there is only a 1-2% chance he could have gotten it from me. He didn't seem too upset,& he said he will get back to me after he gets tested &does some research. I promised to pay for the testing &anything else he is troubled with from this incident&at the end of the call he thanked me for telling him. I don't know if I should just back off for now to see how it goes, or if I should be checking-in on him often &sending him links to help him find accurate information on HSV2. I will be working with him again this Wednesday, for a collab photoshoot, but since I'm the one that hired him, I told him I understand if he decides to call it off, he said he won't let this affect his work. Only time can tell, but if there is anything else that you think I can do to ease whatever he may be going through at this time please be gentle with your suggestions. I know what I did was very wrong and I will never do it again, but it doesn't change what happened, I can't take that night back. Honestly, the sex was amazing, one of the best I ever had, and afterward we decided to start-off again as friends and I was okay with that. I felt normal for a moment, and I was extremely happy, but now I remember that I am not normal, and am extremely guilty for putting him at risk without his consent. I don't know if we can continue to be friends, but I do need advice on what I should do next. He said he will get tested next week and that he will also still do the photoshoot, but he also said he doesn't know how he feels about all this new information because he hasn't done the research on it. I know he will do the research, but with all the stigma I'm afraid his friends will only freak him out if he goes to them for advice, or that he may type the wording wrong in google to get negative results. I told him the facts, that it's common, that he has nothing to worry, but he should get tested, that it's less likely for women to transmit it to men, and even more unlikely with the medication and protection involved.... but what if he gets tested and it is positive? I asked him if he has hooked-up before, he is 24, and he said yes he has a few times.... so in reality, the thing is that he could have had herpes prior to meeting me, and not even had known it, but I didn't bring that up at all.... I'm not a promiscous person, but my relationship before this hook-up was with a promiscous man, which how I got this... I remember how I felt after finding out, I felt extremely betrayed because I trusted him and even after I knew 100% how I got and asked him about it, he still pretended he was clean.. He is not a good man, but this young man I hooked-up with for one night is a wonderful person, I can tell even if I hadn't known him the year I've known the other. I feel truly awful for what had happened, but I'm worried I may have played it too cool when I called and he may think I have no remorse for what I'd done, but I'm also worried if I text him now with a follow-up apology it will freak him out about the situation... What is my best option now?
There is lots of info on the web about how HSV2 can be transmitted. There's so much, but it isn't all very specific so it's been very hard to determine with my particular case. I was diagnosed 7 years ago. Had it, took meds, was gone in a few days. My doc even told me I wouldn't have to worry about it again. And I haven't, totally in the back of my mind. Then a few months ago, my immune system was compromised due to a kidney infection and I started seeing something downstairs that I didn't recognize. Here it was again!!!! Seven years later!!! I had honestly forgotten about it. I'm here because I wanted to know if anyone has any info/experience with breakouts as infrequent as mine have been (so far, at least). I'm Female, and had to disclose this to a Male partner. He did not take it well. We have never been intimate anywhere near the time of either my outbreaks (last time was Feb, and I didn't know him my initial OB). And we had unprotected sex once last Fall. I disclosed to him this week because we were going to become sexual again and with my OB this April, I wanted him to know. Lots of info says there is a 4% chance of it being spread F to M with barrier and no meds, but I just don't know how much that relates to someone who has had two outbreaks in 7 years. Please help with any advice or links!!!!
I am wondering is there some way to legally request from someone who has infected you with paperwork to show whether or not they are actually positive with the virus? The reason why I ask is I was sleeping with someone who told me that he was clean from the beginning. He seemed to emphasize it a little too much it felt. And when we would use condoms he would always want to take it off. After about the 5th time we had sex I was infected. The way I found out was quite traumatizing because the last time we had sex we used a condom however when we were finished we just turned around and went to sleep and the condom I never saw again after he put it on his penis.
Four days later I was feeling pain from what I thought was a tear in my vagina. So I went to Urgent Care to see what the issue was they saw the tear and said that they wanted to check me internally to make sure there was no infection preventing the tear to heal properly. When they went inside they found a condom. It had been there for 4 days. He never mentioned the condom had not stayed on. So the doctor sends me home and tells me to soak in Epsom salt.
Two days later and the pain is excruciating in my vagina. Hurts to pee hurts to walk my lymph nodes are swollen I'm feeling like the bottom half of my body has the flu followed by urinary retention UTI. So I started doing research online about how I could possibly feel like this and all the symptoms pointed towards hsv2. So I take myself back to Urgent Care and upon one look down in my vagina area where the tear once was now looks completely different and the doctor immediately diagnosis it as hsv2. She takes a swab and long story short 3 days later it comes up positive. He now tells me he had no idea that he had HSV and that he is sure that someone would have told him had they contracted it from him in the past. He even tried to downplay how often we had sex. He was like we only had sex like twice. That was a complete and utter lie I was appalled. He even went on to say he's been tested and that he has a clean bill of health. He never showed me this clean bill of health and even said he went and tested for HSV after finding out about me but he never showed me the results. I must admit I never really asked. This happened back in March so now moving forward 3 months later I've had abtotal of 4 breakouts and am really down and out about it and feeling misled and wondering if he really knew he had this all along. There's no way for me to tell but I have been considering requesting it from him but the timing just seems like a little too late?
I don't know what do you guys think is there any way to legally request such documents so that he has to tell me the truth and can't beat around the bush about it?
This has been the worst week of my life and I’m glad to have found this online community. Trying to wrap my head around this and the pain has just been excruciating.
I’m on Valtrex since Tuesday and slightly feeling better now. I am still waiting for my lab results but the symptoms and my doctor make me think I definitely have Herpes. My doctor also is pretty sure, due to severity of the outbreak and recent sexual history, that I got it from the most recent partner I had (my ex and I were really long term and neither of us ever had any symptoms, I know that’s not a 100% certain but doctor seems pretty sure I would have been exposed a few days before this first outbreak...)
Also the guy I’m with has told me very openly that he’s been in a ton of casual relationships, whereas my ex, like me, has had just a few long-term relationships- again, I know I can’t be 100% sure but...) this is my first fairly casual sexual relationship (we’ve been seeing each other on and off for less than a month) anyway it’s most likely the new guy and now I have to tell him that he probably had this but not sure how to tell him, I don’t know if he’s going to overreact or maybe accuse me of having given it to him and to be honest despite everything I really like him and hope he won’t just walk a away for ever. He’s not from here, has only been in the US for a few years and based on a few conversations I’ve had with him about sex in general, he doesn’t seem to have had the same sex ed I grew up with here and isn’t super informed. He also says he doesn’t believe in doctors in the US (“they just want your money”) and while I agree the healthcare system here compared to Europe where I’ve lived pretty much sucks, I feel that he might not believe me because of that. I feel like I won’t ever find anyone again, I’m in my early forties and dating where I live is hard enough but dating with this condition... Thanks for listening and any advice on how to disclose in my situation would be appreciated!
By MikeHerp, in Herpes Clinical Trials & Vaccines
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