Depressed about HSV2

[Tina3535 0]

Hello everyone,

I am new to the forum and I joined because I am feeling shitty. I was diagnosed 8 years ago and I contracted it from my then boyfriend who became my husband. He did not tell me he was infected, I doubt he even knew but I am angry now because I found it that he was cheating on me. 

We are currently going through a divorce and it makes me afraid that I won’t find someone who won’t scorn me. My mood is fine as long as I don’t have an outbreak but as soon as I have one I get depressed, I feel dirty, feel hopeless and it keeps me awake at night. I am so frustrated and I keep asking myself “Why me?”. Has anyone else ever felt this way? How do you cope?

thanks

[Tulips40 4]

Hi, sorry to hear about your divorce and that you're feeling crap. 

I was diagnosed 18 years ago, no idea who from guess i'll never know. Most of my life i have been in denial. Recent OB got my head all in a spin and i feel depressed now. I also think why me? I feel like my life is over and i hate myself. 

It isn't. Stay strong. Keep us updated. You'll get through. Hugs x

[Dee22 24]

Hi

i think feeling why me is totally normal. I agree and many ppl fo not know who gave it to them. I think the lack of choice and not knowing does make it worse. That being said even when ppl know when u feel sick and have awful symptoms u feel crap regardless... i think that messes with ones mood regardless. 

I guess now us knowing gives us the chance to do the right thing and tell others. 

It sounds like it is a good move for u to have seprrated from your hubby and hopefully u can find a menaingful relationship. It is hard to process the diagnosis i am still trying to. Be patient with yourself. 

[Everydaypeople 18]

Hey I hope you're feeling better... sorry to hear about your divorce.. I can only imagine the emotional rollercoaster... look For something to distract your mind.... if possible... I'm gonna start painting my home..

 I also got diagnosed And feel like a piece of shit...  I unknowingly passed it to my girlfriend.. and that is the absolute worst part of this.. I don't care about myself but I care about her... I did not know I have this until of really badd break out... And just like you I get really depressed.... Every day I just wanna drop dead.. I'm not the same anymore... I hope this message finds you well trust and believe you're not alone

[GrievingGuy 3]

 

I am going through something similar. It sounds as you got past the climax of this story and your on your way back to rebuilding.  I hope you take care of your health emotionally and physically.  I am trying to.  I am excercisjng a lot and going to start focusing on some hobbies and passions.  Good luck.  I am right before the climax of my story and I am riddled with anxiety and hopelessness.

 

I just been diagnosed. 2018 has been the worst year of my life. My Sons mother told me something was missing from our relationship after a couple years of me being the best father and partner I could be. She would also neglect my son and I over her work and her phone. I was understanding and supportive but felt inferior to her phone friends. I found out that she was taking to some guy about her fetish and read the text message from a guy saying, “ I can’t wait to sex with You and another girl”. I kicked her out immediately because of the pain. Right before she said something was missing. I couldn’t piss because of pain. Dr said it was from masturbating to much and without lubrication. I though nothing of it. Since we started dating years ago. Her vagina always would smell bad for a little while and go away. She said it was bacteria vaginosis. We tried to reconnect but she wouldn’t give me affection or attention. It was like she did not feel like she did anything wrong. I have been severely depressed and thought about hurting myself and I won’t because I love my kid. We aren’t talking because I’m so heart broken. Now I have this diagnosis. Tonight I noticed mosquito like bites around my sons back and but. He does run around naked. But before the diagnosis my ex and I would take baths with him. Cuddle with him in our underwear. I haven’t told her yet about the diagnosis because I’m still processing it. I am willing to be celibate the rest of my life and to just take care of my son, but I will be empty. If I gave it to him, I would never forgive myself. She denies ever cheating on me. I am crippled from the anxiety. I need a ray of light. I feel worthless and undesirable.  I did sleep around prior to the relationship as she may have too.  I don’t know what’s true from her side of the story.

[Dee22 24]

Hi @GrievingGuy

please do not hurt yourself. Please make sure u remove anything that could be harmful to you.  

Your situation sounds awful and like there is lots of grief and loss in terms of your family , your relationship and sons wellbeing. These things will change in time and u are going to be ok. 

It is hard to know how u got it and could have had it in your system for many years perhaps. 

Have u asked her if she has had a positive diagnosis or will she not even discuss it with u at this point. 

 

[GrievingGuy 3]

Yeah, when the ideation pops in my head the decision to live always wins because of my son.  He Is what keeps me moving.  

I talked to her about it.  We have had the same issues downstairs since we started dating.  She is in the shock stage.  I don’t think she will go into denial and is likely moving towards depression.  We spent the night together, shared some laughs, and I educated her on it and was supportive to her fears.

I have read a lot of women posts, that there new boyfriend/new love was accepting during the disclosure.  It does not seem as prevalent for guys dating and disclosing with a accepting reaction.

I checked some HSV dating sites, majority of the women are from African decent, which usuallly I’m not attracted to and all of the women live far away.

I have made a list that I have been crossing things to take care of off and  I am doing much better.  I just feel alone relationship wise and that it won’t get better.  

[TLC0103 0]

Hey everyone I’m new to the group I was diagnosed with herpes 1 & 2 about two months ago I haven’t told no one jus Been dealing with it myself just need to talk to someone who will not think I’m dirty and a whore 

[WilsoInAus 2,701]

Hey @TLC0103 well this is certainly a place where there is no judgement of people with herpes.

Was the diagnosis a surprise for you? Do you have a partner currently?

[TLC0103 0]

@WilsoInAusYes a big surprise he has been the only man I been with in the pass 2 yrs some days I’m ok and then some I’m so depressed I feel so ashamed I jus completely went ghost on him I know that sounds awful but I’m so angry and hurt I just don’t want to have nothing to do with him I don’t want a relationship or nothing I feel like nobody is ever gonna want me and accept me with this disease I feel terrible 

Edited July 25, 2018 by TLC0103

[WilsoInAus 2,701]

Ok let’s get the ducks in a row to help make some decisions. How were you diagnosed? What test was it? Where in the world roughly are you?

[TLC0103 0]

@WilsoInAus I’m in Chicago and I took a blood test.... I’m thinking it was the herpes select test 

[WilsoInAus 2,701]

Could you get a printout of the results? Did it all make sense in terms of oral and genital symptoms you’ve experienced over the years?

[Mountain Man 36]

My $0.02,

It gets better.  It does.  Give yourself a year to get used to it.  Reassess yourself at the start of each month.   Rate yourself on a scale of 1-10 for shittiness.  If you're like me you'll be a 10 for the first six months. The progress is slow and hellish, but then it one day it will be slightly less of a thing.  Eventually, I promise you it won't be your first thought in the morning... that'll be a good sign things are starting to improve, so take note of it when it happens. 

I know this sounds crazy but later you'll even go most of a day without thinking about it.  And most importantly, (I can't stress this importance enough) you'll start sleeping better.  For me,  sleeping was a massive challenge for me in that first 6 months.  And still today I have a bottle of Melatonin Magnesium pills next to my bed which I use them if I wake up in the night.  That's a tough time for a lot of us, I'm sure.  The 3 AM blues.  But again, even the late night regrets sessions get less severe, then mostly dissipate.   A storm will come in now and then, during OBs or when you have a disclosure to make, but it'll pass.  When you feel low, remember that: This too shall pass.   

And this may be hard to believe but there is actually an upside to this new condition you find yourself in which is your overall health.  Have you neglected it a bit these past few years or more?  Well sorry to say but you need to take care of it if you want to fight this SOB.   You're going to have to eat better and avoid a few things like gorging on almonds which was a thing I did on my commutes.  You'll probably spend a lot on supplements at the start, and then narrow it down to the few that you believe in most.  I take 5 a day and have many others for certain times like if I'm feeling unwell at all.   And you will need to exercise, but the good news is that it doesn't have to be too extreme.  Do more walking and try or do more jogging / do push ups / swim / do weights / yoga / etc etc.   Try to do something physical every day.  The amount of sleep I can get is directly proportional to the amount of exercise I managed to squeeze into the day.  I'm not perfect, some days are way too light, but I try.  And you will need to too. 

HSV gives you loads of negative energy you can redirect into doing a set of jumping jacks or for me; push ups, or use it to get your butt to the gym, or for a jog.  HSV is a world class motivator for getting in shape.  For many of us it's has been a timely kick in the ass.  Hell, I even floss more now for some reason.   

Of course it still sucks.  But keep in mind how freaking many people have it.  I keep learning about more and more in my smallish social circle.  One of my best friends even - and he never said anything until I told him.  So rest assured at least you know you aren't suffering alone.  Take a look around the room: Some of the people you see, and are across your desk, are with you; they're on your sad team.  You won't speak of it and neither will they so you will not know for sure, but it's safe to assume you're with herpsters every day.  Honestly, we should have our own secret handshake.  

Anyway, that's been my ride.  I got it, realized it, went through every stage of grief, and then eventually started to feel better.  I managed to lose that gut even - I dropped 30lbs at my lowest (mentally and physically), and got 10 back which puts me where I want to be so I'm feeling good about that.   My clothes fit better which is a plus.  But more importantly I'm a little closer with my friend because I get now why he got so down on himself for those couple of years.   We can chat about our situations meaningfully.  It is very valuable to be able to share with someone and talk about it.  Essential even.  

Because of my work a few years ago I got some PTSD training and one thing they said was we needed to talk with someone about the things we were experiencing.  It didn't matter who - a friend, a family member, a professional, a sympathetic stranger...  but you had to talk about it.  Those who don't talk about trauma suffer worse, and for longer.  HSV is traumatizing.  So talk about it if you can.  If you can't then at least we all have this site.  I believe it is very helpful that way.   There is some negativity here on some threads, which is unfortunate but expected with the amount of stressed out people obsessing about this nonsense.    But talk about it in person if you can, and / or use this site or similar ones for empathetic online conversation.  You don't have to suffer in silence anymore.  

Another bonus is you'll probably develop a few friendships along the way; even if just online.  This is a good thing.

And honestly, try to stress less about it.  Life has hiccups.  This is a big one but life goes on.   Remember this: Where you mind goes, energy flows.  So think about good things, not HSV - you're mission is to feed this virus as little energy as you possibly can.  Let it wither from neglect.  

This is a gradual and life long process that will have its ups and downs for us all.  Realize that and do what you can on my little list here.  Or not.  I won't be offended.  You will find your own path through this.  

And lastly, understand that yes, eventually this will be basically cured.   Rapidly advancing CRISPR technology or other research will make this a total non-issue at some time, possibly not that far off.    You'll want to be here for that because it's going to be quite a party.  

And then maybe you'll find out who else around you has it and you can share a chuckle in the lunch room.  








 

 

 

[TLC0103 0]

Thank u so much for that advice I have been working and eating a whole lot better I have not have any symptoms ever until I was I told I had the HSV i can get a print out of the results but I know for hsv 1 my antibodies was 43. Something and HSV 2 was 1.5 

[WilsoInAus 2,701]

@TLC0103 that test result confirms a HSV-1 infection. This will almost certainly be an oral infection from childhood, before living memory most probably.

Many people with HSV-1 get elevated HSV-2 levels that is the result of a combination of cross reactivity with proteins that are present in a person that has one type of herpes.

This means that the HSV-2 result does not conform a herps infection and is way more likely to reflect a negative. The quickest way to confirm you are negative for HSV-2 for sure is with a Westernblot HSV test.

[TLC0103 0]

i have read about the western blot but it’s so many scams around I don’t know who to buy it from by chance do u have any idea ? And I did some research about my results for have 2 it’s a equivocal result meaning that I could have it or not I did so much research I confused myself I received my results in the mail saying I have hsv 1 & 2 but I will take your advice and get that western blot 

[WilsoInAus 2,701]

@TLC0103 two of the better ways to obtain a Westernblot are as follows:

- Take the requisition form to your doctor to complete and set up a blood draw. The form is here: http://depts.washington.edu/labweb/referencelab/clinical/TestForms/virology.pdf. Make sure the doc ticks the HSWB test to the lower right of the form.

- Contact Westover Heights Clinic. I am not sure of the process here these days but Terri and her associates were still organising phone consults and taking care of the WB ordering at least up until recently.

You are right though, only the University of Washington undertakes the HSV Westernblot. There is nothing else equivalent or 'just as good'.

Overall it is a bit pricy, but it will be the final word on the subject for you.

 

[TLC0103 0]

One more question even tho I don’t really have symptoms is it still necessary to take the antiviral meds everyday ? 

[WilsoInAus 2,701]

Not at all. For HSV-1, antivirals are not really required unless your outbreak frequency is hgh.

[noone123 5]

Although I wasn't married to the guy that gave it to me, he cheated and was well aware of his status. I have it for 7 nearly 8 years and it does get a lot easier. You'd be surprised at how many people don't really bat an eyelid about it and don't care. Care for yourself for at least a year to get over the emotional shock but don't let it stop you from getting out there. Don't do what I did and live in self-imposed celibacy for years!