So what sites are you guys considering? I've been on PS for a few months with no luck. I've also been on OKCupid and Bumble but I find myself stalling to actually meet up for fear of " the talk". What are your experiences?
Since I am having such a hard time dealing with my GHSV diagnosis, I thought it would be beneficial to express my emotions via a poem. I welcome all feedback, and thank you for reading:
"Death To My Giver "
My giver was a male, and his penis looked clean
I looked and searched around, but no bumps were seen
We had sex on the couch, and sex in his room
He had an open invitation, as a guest in my womb
My vagina let him in, with a hug and a squeeze
His penis returned the favor, with an incurable disease
Six days later, feeling symptoms in my bed
Taking selfies of my vagina, of bumps that turned red
My worst nightmare in the world, unfolding before my eyes
With no one to talk to, to comfort my cries
Having to go to work, with blisters and in pain
Losing sleep and my mind, isolated and insane
Doctors visits, drugs, and crying for days
Drinking myself to sleep, in an ambien haze
Reading stats and blogs, to make it all seem okay
Feeling worse about my life, with each passing day
A fever, a headache, swollen glands, and the chills
Looking back on meeting you, I should have run for the hills
You infected me, and left me, to deal with it alone
You showed no remorse, no answer from your phone
Now my choice is gone, and the freedom to have sex
Replaced with insecurity, fear, and hiding bottles of Valtrex
The stigma and the pain for the rest of my life
Will I become a mother, a girlfriend, or become somebody's wife?
Will I be accepted, loved, and made whole again?
Or will I be rejected, sad, a lonely old hen?
Hearing jokes about herpes, now it hurts all the more
Having to tell myself I'm not dirty, repeat, I am not a whore
I was tested before, for HSV and all
It always came back negative, never once received a call
I want to sue you and scream, the most repulsive guy
It gives me pleasure to think about every way you may die
Every ounce of anger I have, directed at you
So DEATH TO MY GIVER, you probably knew
Current situation I am in. (It is so long, but I feel like all the details need to be explained, THANK YOU all so much for your time in advance.) (I don’t know what else to do.)
Dec 2015 – noticed a mark on the left side of my penile shaft that I thought at the time looked like rug burn. Had protected sex, brief unprotected oral two weeks’ prior with female.
Fast forward another 5 ½ months, this would have been Early June of 2016. I noticed this time that TWO marks showed up on the left side of my penile shaft. One being in the same spot as the first mark in December of 2015 and a second mark that sat a little above it on the base left side of my penile head. I did not know much about herpes at this time, so when I got back to my home state I went to the doctor to have him look at it. These growths/spots (for lack of a better word) were almost healed at this time, and we decided to get the whole set of STD Blood Tests. The herpes tests were type specific, CLIA, IGG’s. I tested NEGATIVE for everything. So I just put it all behind me.
Fast forward to literally one year later, around the middle of May of 2017. I noticed a very little sore/mark/ break in the skin/ (hard to explain) that sat at basically the same spot on the base of my penile head that one of the spots from June of 2016 sat. This is when I really starting to think how strange that was that those spots sat so similar. I did have heavy condom usage around all three of these incidents, so I thought it could be a contact dermatitis or eczema type issue, but I wanted to get another set of blood tests done to make sure. So I retested through the same doctor with LabCorp again. Full set of STD blood tests, Herpes tests were CLIA, type specific IGG’s. I tested NEGATIVE again for everything. 18 plus months since December of 2015. I tried to put this all behind me again but I found myself still trying to figure out what this could possibly be.
So that is when I got in touch with Terri Warren and got the Western Blot done as well for greater clarity. My results all came back negative. I was so excited.
Then low and behold, AGAIN in late May of 2018, (so weird that these symptoms keep coming back once a year during the same few months of each year, MAY/JUNE,) I experienced some itching and redness in the same area on the left side of the penile shaft. This time I experienced red linage and markings that looked like an oval surrounding a prior spot that had previous sores/breaks in the skin years ago. So I had an infectious disease specialist in the area on call to help with a PCR Swab right away. Had the red areas swabbed very aggressively. Got good amount of skin off and results AGAIN came back negative. Did another IGG for amusement and again all negative. I do want to make this side note —NONE of my sores/breaks/marks have ever been blisters with fluid. I just thought it’s important to mention.
With all that said, I have had 5 totals test done which include 3 IGGS/full STD panel, 1 Western Blot and 1 PCR and all have come back negative. I have worked with Terri Warren, an Infectious Disease Specialist here in my city, and a dermatologist, and they all keep telling me that I’m negative and to move on. I have gotten answers ranging from possible dermatitis to Fixed Drug Eruption as well possible penile psoriasis. I’m in limbo land. I believe my test results but also feel like my symptoms has some similarity to GHSV1. It is just so frustrating to not get a definitive answer on these symptoms. Maybe I’m too focused on HSV but i just don’t know a lot about other causes to explore. I know they are out there though. Skin is skin after all.
Anyways, I just thought I’d share my story in hopes of some additional insight from others experiences to see what else this could be and to get greater clarity! I have a great team of specialists that I’m working with and wanted to add some additional help and knowledge from this great support team as well! :) Thanks again! All the best to you all!
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