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arorasmith

Sad and Alone

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arorasmith

Does anyone else feel like they are so alone and that they will never be in love again.. I’ve had it for 4 years and I can’t come to terms with telling anyone so I just shut myself off from any guy that tries to talk to me... I feel like I literally have nothing to live for because I seriously so badly want to have a family and kids but I can’t see myself doing it... 

 

help me 

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sothisislife

You cannot expect anyone to ever love you until you love yourself. Herpes is not the reason you haven't found love, its how you feel about yourself and herpes. We all go through the stage you're in, some of us take longer than others... Mine lasted about 3 months before I told myself, "F.UCK THIS". This one thing that I thought was going to define my entire existence and poison my soul has actually become my greatest asset in the pursuit of great love. and actually.... my quality of life since diagnosis has tremendously increased. It just lays it all out there, "Hi, my name is Amanda and here's me at my worst" (doing a twirl helps, add a smirk). Anyone who is unwilling to accept that one part of me, who isn't on board for ALL of me isn't meant for me. That isn't my person. This is a built-in lie detector test that says, "How into me are you really? How interested are you in getting to know me? How much do you really care?" The harsh truth is that you WILL be denied. and that's perfectly fine! (theme song for this scenario is 'and another one bites the dust')lol. That just isn't your person. If they can't accept this about you, then they don't deserve everything else you have to offer. It is that simple.

Having herpes has taught me a lot about acceptance, not just myself; but others more so. All these people in the world who believe they are not worthy of love because of their burn scars, wheel chairs, colostomy bags, mental illness, addictions...… it breaks my heart because the shitty cards we're dealt in life do not define who we are. Whatever you're one thing is does not make you unworthy of love.

I have disclosed to 3 men since I was diagnosed 13 months ago, two of which I had sex with... lots of really great sex! #1. said he had it too! plot twist but then he moved away #2. was so stressed about contracting it that we broke up. his anxiety gave me anxiety and EVEN if I didn't have herpes, there would have been something else he'd have anxiety over (he wasn't my person). and while this did hurt like a mother forker I learned a lot and I'm grateful for that lesson. #3 I haven't had sex with.... yet! All 3 said the same thing when I disclosed (alwayyyyys before sex). They said, "wow.... that is really brave of you to be so honest and trust me with something like that." What I've learned in disclosure is that it builds intimacy and trust BEFORE sex which truly makes the act of sex itself so much better and the connection stronger. These men went from seeing me as a potential partner for qualities relating to my looks and personality TO seeing me as an honorable and trustworthy woman of high moral standing. WIN! 

and funny enough... the more you disclose, the easier it gets and the more people you WANT to tell. Start off by telling a friend or family member, or even a stranger on the street. You will be amazed how many people A. don't care and B. actually have it themselves. When you meet a guy, for the first time try disclosing over text. My first disclosure was over text and went like this.....

"You seem like a man I'd like to get to know better. Because of that, I have something personal about myself that I want to share with you. I have HSV2 (one of the viruses that causes cold sores aka herpes). I'd like to know how you feel about this and also give you time to research and/or ask any question that I will answer to the best of my ability. It's just a part of my life, something that is actually not a big deal for me, but also something I like to be upfront about because I think its more fair for us both. I respect any choice you make. Please let me know if you'd like to continue our conversations." Feel free to copy and paste it! This is also a good time to ask THEM if there is anything YOU should know.

just remember that if you feel good about you and you are confident then he will feel good and confident about you too. If during disclosure you act ashamed or disgusted... he too is going to feel like its something shameful and disgusting. 

and if you are having a hard time loving yourself, as we all have at one point or another, FAKE IT. Fake it till ya make it. You'll fake it until one day you wake up and you will truly feel GOOD and CONFIDENT! Go get your hair done, nails painted, a bikini wax if you want... TREAT YO SELF and unfuck yourself from the mindset that you are unlovable or unworthy.  You are beautiful and worthy of more love than you can comprehend. You just have to believe it. 

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WilsoInAus
Posted (edited)

A life lived in fear is a life half lived.

Spanish proverb

In the end, there are two general emotions. Fear and love. We can approach every aspect of our lives with either fear or love, it’s a choice.

Many people like you I feel lack confidence to overcome fear and feel they will never gain the confidence needed. But the opposite of fear is not confidence, it is love.

The more you love, the more it will come back to you, Love has no fear, nor does it let any issue, such as herpes, get in the way.

Choose love.

Edited by WilsoInAus

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Coco L
4 hours ago, sothisislife said:

You cannot expect anyone to ever love you until you love yourself. Herpes is not the reason you haven't found love, its how you feel about yourself and herpes. We all go through the stage you're in, some of us take longer than others... Mine lasted about 3 months before I told myself, "F.UCK THIS". This one thing that I thought was going to define my entire existence and poison my soul has actually become my greatest asset in the pursuit of great love. and actually.... my quality of life since diagnosis has tremendously increased. It just lays it all out there, "Hi, my name is Amanda and here's me at my worst" (doing a twirl helps, add a smirk). Anyone who is unwilling to accept that one part of me, who isn't on board for ALL of me isn't meant for me. That isn't my person. This is a built-in lie detector test that says, "How into me are you really? How interested are you in getting to know me? How much do you really care?" The harsh truth is that you WILL be denied. and that's perfectly fine! (theme song for this scenario is 'and another one bites the dust')lol. That just isn't your person. If they can't accept this about you, then they don't deserve everything else you have to offer. It is that simple.

Having herpes has taught me a lot about acceptance, not just myself; but others more so. All these people in the world who believe they are not worthy of love because of their burn scars, wheel chairs, colostomy bags, mental illness, addictions...… it breaks my heart because the shitty cards we're dealt in life do not define who we are. Whatever you're one thing is does not make you unworthy of love.

I have disclosed to 3 men since I was diagnosed 13 months ago, two of which I had sex with... lots of really great sex! #1. said he had it too! plot twist but then he moved away #2. was so stressed about contracting it that we broke up. his anxiety gave me anxiety and EVEN if I didn't have herpes, there would have been something else he'd have anxiety over (he wasn't my person). and while this did hurt like a mother forker I learned a lot and I'm grateful for that lesson. #3 I haven't had sex with.... yet! All 3 said the same thing when I disclosed (alwayyyyys before sex). They said, "wow.... that is really brave of you to be so honest and trust me with something like that." What I've learned in disclosure is that it builds intimacy and trust BEFORE sex which truly makes the act of sex itself so much better and the connection stronger. These men went from seeing me as a potential partner for qualities relating to my looks and personality TO seeing me as an honorable and trustworthy woman of high moral standing. WIN! 

and funny enough... the more you disclose, the easier it gets and the more people you WANT to tell. Start off by telling a friend or family member, or even a stranger on the street. You will be amazed how many people A. don't care and B. actually have it themselves. When you meet a guy, for the first time try disclosing over text. My first disclosure was over text and went like this.....

"You seem like a man I'd like to get to know better. Because of that, I have something personal about myself that I want to share with you. I have HSV2 (one of the viruses that causes cold sores aka herpes). I'd like to know how you feel about this and also give you time to research and/or ask any question that I will answer to the best of my ability. It's just a part of my life, something that is actually not a big deal for me, but also something I like to be upfront about because I think its more fair for us both. I respect any choice you make. Please let me know if you'd like to continue our conversations." Feel free to copy and paste it! This is also a good time to ask THEM if there is anything YOU should know.

just remember that if you feel good about you and you are confident then he will feel good and confident about you too. If during disclosure you act ashamed or disgusted... he too is going to feel like its something shameful and disgusting. 

and if you are having a hard time loving yourself, as we all have at one point or another, FAKE IT. Fake it till ya make it. You'll fake it until one day you wake up and you will truly feel GOOD and CONFIDENT! Go get your hair done, nails painted, a bikini wax if you want... TREAT YO SELF and unfuck yourself from the mindset that you are unlovable or unworthy.  You are beautiful and worthy of more love than you can comprehend. You just have to believe it. 

Thank you!  So inspirational.  I needed that ...

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