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Alising

My story

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Alising

Hi all. I think I used to be on this community years ago but have forgotten all details so rejoined. 

Just thought I would do a bit of a story for anyone who is feeling worried or nervous, anxious or depressed about their diagnosis. It's going to be a long one, but I think it's a really detailed account of my experience so worth it for some people (I hope. Feel free to ignore if not haha).

I was first kinda diagnosed 10 years ago this month. It's literally only when I typed that sentence that I realised it's been that long. Wowsers!! In August 2008 I had been with my boyfriend at the time for 8 months and noticed I had really sore and painful itchy sores on my vulva. I had had a clear STD check when I started dating my boyfriend and I knew he wasn't cheating on me so I felt like it couldn't possibly be anything like an std and went to the out of hours clinic at the hospital on the advice of the NHS helpline I had called as I was in so much pain and the doctors was closed for the weekend. Anyhow, the nurse on duty said it looked like herpes and took a swab. I was really shocked and upset and she warned me it may still show negative even though it is positive. Which is exactly what happened. I fell pregnant the next month (boyfriend was totally unbothered by herpes, which I took as a nice gesture at the time but now I wonder!) And had another outbreak right before my daughter was born in June 2009. My midwife advised I get a swab taken again as I may need a c-section if it was. I saw a differebt nurse who took one look at it, said it didn't look like herpes to her but she would do a swab anyway. I have birth to my daughter, at the tail end of am outbreak, not really thinking I had herpes due to the nurses reaction when she took the most recent swab. I got a call 3 days after she was born to say it WAS positive. Thank goodness my daughter wasn't affected at all. It could have been much worse! 

Anyway. Fast forward a year and my boyfriend and I break up. Single mum with herpes, I was depressed and sure nobody else would accept me. Well, very long story short, I have disclosed to 3 guys since my initial diagnosis. 1 guy, totally unfazed but we split up a few months later. 2nd guy, not going to lie, he was really bothered by it. He said he didn't know what to do, because he really liked me, but didnt want to risk catching it. We had a rubbish sex life and he always acted slightly disgusted by me. Needless to say, we didn't last long! Third guy....well, we celebrated our 5th anniversary on Valentine's day. He isnt at all concerned by it. We have a great sex life (Well, you know, after a few years it does slow down a bit but...haha) he never complains when we have to hold off yet again because of an outbreak and he never makes me feel like I have anything to be ashamed of. 

Because I don't! You don't. None of us do. Of all the millions of people having unprotected sex out there, we have no more and no less reason to feel bad than they do. This doesn't define us. That's not to say I haven't struggled at times and hated it. Even now, I'm struggling with recurrent outbreaks and have had more this year than in the last 5 year's put together, but it's still ok. It does get easier. You do learn to accept it. And you will find someone who loves you for you, and isn't bothered about a little virus.

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WilsoInAus

Hugely inspirational, a happy life that is for all of us!

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Dutchy
11 hours ago, Alising said:

Hi all. I think I used to be on this community years ago but have forgotten all details so rejoined. 

Just thought I would do a bit of a story for anyone who is feeling worried or nervous, anxious or depressed about their diagnosis. It's going to be a long one, but I think it's a really detailed account of my experience so worth it for some people (I hope. Feel free to ignore if not haha).

I was first kinda diagnosed 10 years ago this month. It's literally only when I typed that sentence that I realised it's been that long. Wowsers!! In August 2008 I had been with my boyfriend at the time for 8 months and noticed I had really sore and painful itchy sores on my vulva. I had had a clear STD check when I started dating my boyfriend and I knew he wasn't cheating on me so I felt like it couldn't possibly be anything like an std and went to the out of hours clinic at the hospital on the advice of the NHS helpline I had called as I was in so much pain and the doctors was closed for the weekend. Anyhow, the nurse on duty said it looked like herpes and took a swab. I was really shocked and upset and she warned me it may still show negative even though it is positive. Which is exactly what happened. I fell pregnant the next month (boyfriend was totally unbothered by herpes, which I took as a nice gesture at the time but now I wonder!) And had another outbreak right before my daughter was born in June 2009. My midwife advised I get a swab taken again as I may need a c-section if it was. I saw a differebt nurse who took one look at it, said it didn't look like herpes to her but she would do a swab anyway. I have birth to my daughter, at the tail end of am outbreak, not really thinking I had herpes due to the nurses reaction when she took the most recent swab. I got a call 3 days after she was born to say it WAS positive. Thank goodness my daughter wasn't affected at all. It could have been much worse! 

Anyway. Fast forward a year and my boyfriend and I break up. Single mum with herpes, I was depressed and sure nobody else would accept me. Well, very long story short, I have disclosed to 3 guys since my initial diagnosis. 1 guy, totally unfazed but we split up a few months later. 2nd guy, not going to lie, he was really bothered by it. He said he didn't know what to do, because he really liked me, but didnt want to risk catching it. We had a rubbish sex life and he always acted slightly disgusted by me. Needless to say, we didn't last long! Third guy....well, we celebrated our 5th anniversary on Valentine's day. He isnt at all concerned by it. We have a great sex life (Well, you know, after a few years it does slow down a bit but...haha) he never complains when we have to hold off yet again because of an outbreak and he never makes me feel like I have anything to be ashamed of. 

Because I don't! You don't. None of us do. Of all the millions of people having unprotected sex out there, we have no more and no less reason to feel bad than they do. This doesn't define us. That's not to say I haven't struggled at times and hated it. Even now, I'm struggling with recurrent outbreaks and have had more this year than in the last 5 year's put together, but it's still ok. It does get easier. You do learn to accept it. And you will find someone who loves you for you, and isn't bothered about a little virus.

I love your story. I feel thé same. Although my diagnose was a big year ago. And still searching for  what works for me. Life is not over. There are lots of People that find love. 

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JoJo083

Thanks for sharing your story. Gives me hope that I'll find some one. The hardest part is the disclosure

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