Jump to content
World's Largest Herpes Support Group
Ttch

This man.....

Recommended Posts

Ttch

Hi everyone. 

I am new here and hope you dont mind me posting. I do not have Herpes but I met a Man alittle over a month ago and he is amazing. Sweet, loving, affectionate. Just everything I have been looking for. A few days ago he told me has Genital Herpes. He has never been diagnosed by a Dr. But I want in my heart to continue to see him. I have read so many articles where people make relationships work all the time. We have talked and we are going to the Dr to see what they say and get medical advice for us both. I am not here to offend anyone and I hope no one takes it that way. I am here just to get advice because I see myself having a long relationshop with this person. Any advice or help is much appreciated. We have not been active. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
WilsoInAus

Hey @Ttch no problem at all.

The best you can do is both get tested for HSV IgG antibodies type specific for 1 and 2. May as well as get the full panel of STDs too.

You can then make a decision of any prevention measures. These include daily antivirals and condoms. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Hairpees

Most of the titles to posts on this website are "I want to kill myself" "Constant Outbreaks- I want to die" "I'm suicidal" "My life is ruined" "I'm depressed" "4 years later and still not okay" 

Trust me, you will know what they are talking about when it happens to you. Besides the horrific stigma, the isolation, the herpes jokes, theres a physical part to it. You just have no clue how your body will react to the virus. Chocolate, coffee, sweets, sex, exercise, sun, certain foods, and your period? These are triggers for outbreaks. Some of life's most enjoyable things will upset your virus. You could have back to back to back breakouts, and even with medication you could still be fucked. Your sexual freedom, confidence, your diet, new medication and expenses, everything will change. You will be In the shower and will constantly be worried about spreading to other areas of your body- FOR LIFE.

HSV has wreaked havoc on my self esteem and my system, I am extremely fatigued all the time and can no longer workout without a 2 hour nap after. And we as women are highly susceptible to getting it from a man due to our anatomy. I was only with my guy for 1 night (4% chance of spreading MY ASS) and 6 days later my life was ruined. I must have cried and cried for 3 months straight until I had to be put on anti-depressants to be able to function again. Its truly the most traumatizing thing I've ever experienced.

I gained weight, I lost my job at the time, and I stopped speaking to my friends and family and I can't even tell them why. I'm still severely depressed and feel suicidal most days.  I would give anything to take it back and have a normal life. And I hate that I'm saying that because I wouldn't want ta guy to reject me for HSV. The reality is there is a very dark side of a HSV diagnosis. Please really think about if you're okay with all of that moving forward. Many people will be angry for my response, but those same people would be RUNNING to the front of the line if a cure came out tomorrow. Ive also had a terrible day ruminating about my own HSV diagnosis so this probably is reflected in my answer. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Divon
12 hours ago, Hairpees said:

Most of the titles to posts on this website are "I want to kill myself" "Constant Outbreaks- I want to die" "I'm suicidal" "My life is ruined" "I'm depressed" "4 years later and still not okay" 

Trust me, you will know what they are talking about when it happens to you. Besides the horrific stigma, the isolation, the herpes jokes, theres a physical part to it. You just have no clue how your body will react to the virus. Chocolate, coffee, sweets, sex, exercise, sun, certain foods, and your period? These are triggers for outbreaks. Some of life's most enjoyable things will upset your virus. You could have back to back to back breakouts, and even with medication you could still be fucked. Your sexual freedom, confidence, your diet, new medication and expenses, everything will change. You will be In the shower and will constantly be worried about spreading to other areas of your body- FOR LIFE.

HSV has wreaked havoc on my self esteem and my system, I am extremely fatigued all the time and can no longer workout without a 2 hour nap after. And we as women are highly susceptible to getting it from a man due to our anatomy. I was only with my guy for 1 night (4% chance of spreading MY ASS) and 6 days later my life was ruined. I must have cried and cried for 3 months straight until I had to be put on anti-depressants to be able to function again. Its truly the most traumatizing thing I've ever experienced.

I gained weight, I lost my job at the time, and I stopped speaking to my friends and family and I can't even tell them why. I'm still severely depressed and feel suicidal most days.  I would give anything to take it back and have a normal life. And I hate that I'm saying that because I wouldn't want ta guy to reject me for HSV. The reality is there is a very dark side of a HSV diagnosis. Please really think about if you're okay with all of that moving forward. Many people will be angry for my response, but those same people would be RUNNING to the front of the line if a cure came out tomorrow. Ive also had a terrible day ruminating about my own HSV diagnosis so this probably is reflected in my answer. 

While I cant really say that some of the things you stated are untrue it is also slightly exaggerated. Most of the things you are experiencing are actually due to stress which the stigma of the label has casued to you. Oral HSV1 is a very similar virus to genital HSV2 and the exact same virus as genital HSV1 but in two different places. Oral HSV1 will not cause this because it doesn´t have a huge stigma. In fact in general OHSV1 will just be "Ok I have it so what?"

The truth is somewhere in the middle I would say. If you are considering a person for long term relationship and you truely trust this person then it´s quite close to irrelevant. It becomes  a lot more relevant when the relationship does break up though.

If you look at statics over how many women that has slept with 4 or more partners in their lives who carry HSV2, you will probably be shocked. In many countries it is around 50%.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Hairpees
3 hours ago, Divon said:

While I cant really say that some of the things you stated are untrue it is also slightly exaggerated. Most of the things you are experiencing are actually due to stress which the stigma of the label has casued to you. Oral HSV1 is a very similar virus to genital HSV2 and the exact same virus as genital HSV1 but in two different places. Oral HSV1 will not cause this because it doesn´t have a huge stigma. In fact in general OHSV1 will just be "Ok I have it so what?"

The truth is somewhere in the middle I would say. If you are considering a person for long term relationship and you truely trust this person then it´s quite close to irrelevant. It becomes  a lot more relevant when the relationship does break up though.

If you look at statics over how many women that has slept with 4 or more partners in their lives who carry HSV2, you will probably be shocked. In many countries it is around 50%.

Yes technically we all have been exposed to HSV2 in some form if we have had multiple partners. You’re right about that. Being exposed is not the same as contracting the virus. I’m not trying to make anyone feel worse, but I wanted to give her an honest, unsugarcoated, straightforward answer becuase that’s what she asked for.

Also, doctors will tell her it’s not a big deal, it’s a skin condition, etc, but that’s because it’s never their job to console her when it does happen. 

It is very very relevant in a relationship because unless you’re knowingly going to contract, you will have to use a condom Every. Single. Time. Where’s the spontaneity and intimacy there? And forget naked cuddling, skin to skin contact is a no go. Oral would scare me with HSV2 as well. Basically living in fear. Tell me how to get around that after you’ve been in multiple relationship before and never having this obstacle?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Divon

You misunderstood me. What I meant is that studies from some countries that I have looked at reveal that 50% of women with 4 or more sexual partners in their lives are HSV2 positive. Most couples stop using condoms eventually even with hsv involved once they have been together for a long time. Naked cuddling is a tough question to answer since cuddling is so unspecific. Most skin Contact in cuddling is thick skin to thick skin. The touch is on the same level as a handshake but longer and perhaps with more rubbing. 

Again I understand your post and in many ways I feel the same but most of what you are saying is heavily enforced by negative emotions. There are people in this forum who has has herpes for many many years, ask them about their relationships.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
NewToTheHive

@Ttch I think you are doing the right thing by seeing a doctor and abstaining. 

I do however, want you to consider, if things don’t work out with him, how you think you will feel telling future potential partners or boyfriends.

i myself, was diagnosed yesterday (visually)... still awaiting tests to confirm. Both me and my partner have been recently std tested and were told we were clean (those tests apparently  did not include herpes testing, which I found out yesterday, they never test you for unless you have physical symptoms, or know you’ve been in contact with the virus. Even if you ask for a full pannel, which I always have, they do not do herpes testing) so I am in a limbo point. I’m waiting for confirmation and waiting to find out if this is an old virus that was dormant and asymptomatic until now, or if it’s a new infection. I’ve only slept with one person since December, and we’ve only been intimate for the last 3-4 months, so if its a new virus, I will know for sure I got it from him. If it’s old though, I have to tell this man what I’ve exposed him to (and probably have infected him with by now)....the thing is, if he did give it to me, and things were as great as they were when we first met and first started dating, and he treated me as well as he did then, I wouldn’t care as much, and would be ok with having the virus together. But things have been rocky. We actually had been broken up for about a month, I have had sex with him twice last week since we broke up, and bam... now I have herpes. So it’s possible he was sleeping with someone else while we were broken up.... but with things being rocky right now, I’m 99% sure things will end when I tell him I have herpes. Because if he did give it to me, he’s going to think he didn’t because he’s never had any symptoms. ANd if he didn’t give it to me, he’s going to be furious I exposed him I’m sure. 

Im just saying, that I thought this man was the one for me. He was so persistent just for me to go get a coffee with him, and constantly told me how beautiful he thought I was, and was talking about wanting to build something serious with me. 

Now, he’s not like that anymore, and I no longer think he is who I will end up with (if anyone ever is willing to date me again after this diagnosis)... and I fear he has ruined me for the person I am supposed to Be with.

 

let me just tell you what I have experienced since I started having fun symptoms on Monday. Terrible body aches that had me complaining all day. Taking naps after work because I’m so tired. Terrible headaches the past 3 days, ugly ulcers (mainly internally) but some inside and outside of the labia, and one right by my rectom.  These sores have given me the worst pain ive ever experienced. You can’t sit, stand, lay or sleep comfortably (although now that my doctor gave me an expensive lidocaine gel that insurance doesn’t cover, my pain is more manageable). Peeing feels like someone is taking a lighter to your already sore ladyparts.  I’ve had an uncontrollable watery discharge, and when I say uncontrollable, it will gush kind of like a small pee stream and you can’t  control it, so I’ve had to wear big old granny pads. I’ve spent $40 on a copay for the dr visit, $75 in numbing gel and antivirals, and bought lysine vitamins to help with outbreaks, and tons of pads. So not including whatever I’ll get as a bill for all the testing, I’ve spent over $150 in the last 24 hours, and have been in the worst pain of my life. It has been a week from hell. 

 

Im not trying to scare you. I mean if my guy was everything I thought he was, I wouldn’t be as upset. And maybe yours will be everything you think he is. By the I want you to see what will happen if he’s not everything you think he is. Because I’m living in that hell now 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
IamPositive

It’s not easy to live with this virus, trust me..! But.. if he is your true love.. this virus is nothing than love itself.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

Advertisement

Try a Lysine supplement for cold sores

  • The Hive is Thriving!

    • Total Topics
      67,964
    • Total Posts
      453,195
  • Posts

    • Quest
      If you workout too much it causes stress to the body and will cause a breakout. I would not know what the magic number is. Your body will tell you.  Mine does. I first learned about this from Holtorf medical Group. When you ate in the gym those powder mixes they have contain a lot of Arginine. I was amazed by the labels. I would think one could get a really great workout within an hour? When your immune system is in action your doc will tell you not to work out.( A bad cold) 
    • GotMeAtLast
      Do you a link to buy the oil that you use?
    • purp7e
      Im totally in on this, but lets face it.  It will never happen, unless Honeycomb takes ownership and starts The Honeycomb Foundation or something.  Im actually surprised its not already done. I would donate without blinking.  @StayingUpbeat Is that on HC's agenda?  Just think about the day it would reach the masses, and the media. The money would have flowed in.
    • asot34
      I don't remember any cold sores I had  How about the marks ?
    • Spinky
      Popping seems to speed things up when I apply the oil after popping. 
×

Important Information

We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue.