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Broken Butterfly

2 weeks since diagnosed

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Broken Butterfly

Hi. I was diagnosed 2 weeks ago and I am STRUGGLING. My boyfriend of 3 months and I had sex for the first time and 3 days later symptoms began. (I have no idea if he knows he has it.) I’ve been trying to talk to him about it- I told him I had upsetting news from the doctor and he asked what was wrong but since he was out of town I told him I didn’t want to text about it and would fill him in when he was back but then he left again for work and I asked him when he was returning and he never replied- it’s been a week since I’ve heard from him. I texted him yesterday saying we needed to discuss what happened at the doctor and still no reply.  My friends have been supportive but I feel like a double whammy and super alone since he doesn’t even know about this and just ghosted me anyway. I go back to the doctor tomorrow for more info and to talk about suppressive therapy etc.  Thanks for the safe space to share. 

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Kellybean

Do you think he could have known he had it and thats why he not responding maybe hes feeling guilty. Im sorry your going through this :( 

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Broken Butterfly
7 minutes ago, Kellybean said:

Do you think he could have known he had it and thats why he not responding maybe hes feeling guilty. Im sorry your going through this :( 

Possibly? He was talking to me a week post diagnosis and then all the sudden stopped. I just said “doctor” and had told him previously I needed to go to the doc for an acid reflux diagnosis. All my texts have been nice. The sad thing is yes I’m mad but I care about him so it’s not like I was planning on chewing him out or laying on a guilt trip. I just wanted to tell him 3 days after sex I had symptoms and then went to OBGYN and it was confined via test results (swab) and that based on timing he was the person I got it from.  I may reach out again to tell him I’m upset and need his support and don’t know why he disappeared but I don’t know if I will. 

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WilsoInAus

Was your swab typed? I think a bit depends on whether it is type 1 or 2. Was there both oral and vaginal sex? Protection used?

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Broken Butterfly
1 minute ago, WilsoInAus said:

Was your swab typed? I think a bit depends on whether it is type 1 or 2. Was there both oral and vaginal sex? Protection used?

Vaginal and I was told HSV-2 (will have more info after meeting with my doctor tomorrow.)

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Kellybean

Have you tried calling him instead of text? Thats just scummy if he completely ignores you after sealing the deal and you reaching out and expressing that you would like to discuss a doctors appt. im getting upset for you! i hope you get ahold of him and he was just busy and you two can support each other <3

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WilsoInAus
4 minutes ago, Broken Butterfly said:

Vaginal and I was told HSV-2 (will have more info after meeting with my doctor tomorrow.)

Pretty likely it is HSV-2 based on that and the circumstances. 

I also suggest he knows exactly what has happened.

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Broken Butterfly
3 minutes ago, Kellybean said:

Have you tried calling him instead of text? Thats just scummy if he completely ignores you after sealing the deal and you reaching out and expressing that you would like to discuss a doctors appt. im getting upset for you! i hope you get ahold of him and he was just busy and you two can support each other <3

Thank you. (All I’ve been doing is crying)  I haven’t tried calling because he said where he was for work had bad signal and I don’t know if he’s back or not. I also prefer to talk in person. I don’t want to have a phone conversation if he’s not alone and most of our communication is via text but I am not having a text convo about this. 

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Broken Butterfly
3 minutes ago, WilsoInAus said:

Pretty likely it is HSV-2 based on that and the circumstances. 

I also suggest he knows exactly what has happened.

Well that’s pretty shitty of him since I’m trying to have a nice conversation (considering the circumstances) and haven’t been mean or lashed out- just expressed I wanted to talk to him in person. 

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WilsoInAus
Just now, Broken Butterfly said:

Well that’s pretty shitty of him since I’m trying to have a nice conversation (considering the circumstances) and haven’t been mean or lashed out- just expressed I wanted to talk to him in person. 

I know, I know and I'm sorry about that. I just do have this awful feeling that it is 50/50 as to whether he'll contact you or ghost you and you need to be emotionally prepared for both possibilities here.

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Broken Butterfly
3 minutes ago, WilsoInAus said:

I know, I know and I'm sorry about that. I just do have this awful feeling that it is 50/50 as to whether he'll contact you or ghost you and you need to be emotionally prepared for both possibilities here.

I know. Every day that goes by I feel worse about being left hanging. I considered texting tonight and saying I’ve been upset and need his support and don’t know why he went MIA. I haven’t decided on that yet. I’m a person that like closure. 

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Kellybean

i agree with @WilsoInAus try and emotionally and mentally prepare for either situation. If you can wait another day to contact him maybe try then you'll have details after your next doctors appt. But i get its not really the details your worried about its more talking to this guy about the situation. I hate that hes just leaving you hanging even after you've been very nice considering the circumstances. Good luck and i hope you get a hold of him

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Broken Butterfly
1 minute ago, Kellybean said:

i agree with @WilsoInAus try and emotionally and mentally prepare for either situation. If you can wait another day to contact him maybe try then you'll have details after your next doctors appt. But i get its not really the details your worried about its more talking to this guy about the situation. I hate that hes just leaving you hanging even after you've been very nice considering the circumstances. Good luck and i hope you get a hold of him

Thank you! I doubt I hear from him but may text this weekend asking why he’s disappeared and go from there. 

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Bhbr2018

Well make sure to take the blood test to see if the antibodies aren’t there. If it were me I’d call non-stop and show up at his house, demand he take a test, and show you result.  If he doesn’t comply you probably know your answer. You could scare him and mention you’re going to get a lawyer to have his medical records subpoenaed for knowingly infecting you. But I’m psychotic. Maybe not as psychotic as someone who knowingly infects people with HSV2 and doesn’t use a condom or mention it or even own up to their actions. 

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Broken Butterfly
23 minutes ago, Hairpees said:

Well make sure to take the blood test to see if the antibodies aren’t there. If it were me I’d call non-stop and show up at his house, demand he take a test, and show you result.  If he doesn’t comply you probably know your answer. You could scare him and mention you’re going to get a lawyer to have his medical records subpoenaed for knowingly infecting you. But I’m psychotic. Maybe not as psychotic as someone who knowingly infects people with HSV2 and doesn’t use a condom or mention it or even own up to their actions. 

I also had blood tests done. When I called for results nurse said positive HSV-2 but didn’t indicate what test those were from. Will get more info  on specifics tomorrow. Have considered a lawsuit but don’t know if you can sue for this? Probably going to text and tell him I don’t understand why he’s avoiding me and ask if this is him ghosting. If I don’t get a response I’ll probably call but let’s face it he may have already blocked my number- no way to know. He hasn’t unfriended me on FB though 

Edited by Broken Butterfly

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WilsoInAus

Whoa, please wait up, you’re jumping ahead a lot. Just now you have no documentary proof you have been recently infected.

Obtain full printouts of all swab and blood tests. Only a positive swab and having a negative IgG HSV-2 test result will confirm a recent infection in a legal sense. 

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Bhbr2018

I’m definitely not saying you need to file a lawsuit, you’ll read on here most people don’t have success. I’ve mentioned it because hes not responding to you so maybe that will wake him up.

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Broken Butterfly

I said I considered it but not that I was going to sue- I have no idea what my options are here.  

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Broken Butterfly
5 minutes ago, Hairpees said:

I’m definitely not saying you need to file a lawsuit, you’ll read on here most people don’t have success. I’ve mentioned it because hes not responding to you so maybe that will wake him up.

For sure, why bother if it’s pointless and costly but I get what you mean.  

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Broken Butterfly

Blood work came back negative which doc says means I was recently exposed. Picking up my daily suppressive meds later today.  Had an total emotional breakdown during the appointment.  Just feel hopeless and alone right now. 

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Asr624

I am so sorry that happened to you. No one deserves that. Praying for you. 

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Broken Butterfly

Update: he hasn’t replied to me. It’s obvious he is a horrible person.  I’m not very optimistic about being able to recover emotionally from all this. Hopefully time will help. I just feel so lost and alone. 

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Runride

Your not alone Broken Butterfly!  You have friends and support on this site and I just read online somewhere that their are 48 million people in the US alone with the HSV.  It might not seem like it now but it gets a little easier over time if you accept what you were delt and make the best of life anyway. Life is still good! 

Im very sorry that your bf is avoiding you.  I hope he grows up a little and talks to you so you can get some closure.

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Anon222

Hey there, I’m sorry this happened to you and that this guy is acting this way. I haven’t had this for very long myself but I believe you will get better. Something that has helped me is just sitting down and thinking about yourself. Is there really anything different about you besides a couple red bumps? I get little random red bumps on my body all the time, so what makes these ones any worse? I’m still the same person I was, I still have all the same qualities people liked about me before. I think if you sit down and reflect about yourself you’ll see it’s the same for you. I hope you start to feel better soon 

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Broken Butterfly

Thank you all for the support. I’m just trying to get through the days without crying but haven’t been successful yet. Maybe tomorrow...

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