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Bono Vox

What can I and can't I do?

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Bono Vox

I've been seeing a girl now who is a carrier of HSV-2 and HPV but hasn't had an outbreak in 7 years. She contracted it through oral sex and was scared to tell me. She told me a month into our relationship and it didn't change the way I feel about her. I love her and want to marry her! Up until this point all we have done is kiss and because of our faith we are waiting until marriage to have intercourse. Things are progressing well, but what I want to know is what exactly is safe and unsafe actions we can perform intimately?

I don't want to sound perverted or crude but are things like oral sex (her or me) or even stimulating her "down there" a potential risk for me? Or could they cause her to have another outbreak after 7 years? What if I have a sore on my finger? There's a huge stigma about this and I am just so ignorant. I know a great infectious disease doc that we could both talk to, but she is the one for me, I love her, but I want to figure out how to balance safety with pleasuring her. What doctor is the best type to sit down with and talk?

I'm surprised her GYN hasn't done more education with her, nor even a blood work up, but she is not comfortable. Is it possible she could be clear after 7 years? Can someone lead me to a thread or explain what the risks are for various things outside of intercourse for both of us?

Thank you. :)

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I'm confused about how your fiance knows for sure what she has without having had a blood test done. If that's the case, then she really should have one to confirm she actually has herpes. For now, though, we'll assume she does and go from there.

First, even though she's been ob free for 7 years, the virus doesn't just 'go away'. If she had it 7 years ago, she still has it, even though she may not exhibit symptoms. It's something you get for life.

Using condoms will help protect you, although they don't cover a large enough area to guarantee protection. Abstaining from relations when any symptoms are present will lower the risk without protection to about 4%. If you have a cut or scratch on your hand, best to keep your hands to yourself, if you know what I mean. An open wound will only provide an easy pathway into your system. The risk during oral sex is the same as intercourse... 4%, in the absence of symptoms. Since she hasn't had any symptoms for so long, the chances may be slightly less. I can't say for sure, though.

The best advice I can give you is, I think, if you love this woman, go with it. Don't let your fears stand in the way of a relaxed and rewarding sexual relationship. If you both use some common sense, there's no reason you can't enjoy the physical aspects of marriage to the fullest.

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