“I was tested, I’m clean,” he said on the phone
I said “Are you sure?” I didn’t like his tone
Can I see your results, in plain black and white?
Cause something feels off, I know it’s not right
“My blood tests all negative, I’m in the clear”,
I said “Where is HSV bloods, cause I don’t see it here?”
We both seemed confused, and picked up the phone
It’s not included in the panel? How should we have known?
Did I give it to him? Did he give it to me?
The CDC doesn’t test for herpes? HOW COULD THIS BE?
Did he cheat? Was it dormant? Did I pass on a disease?
No answers from lab coats to put me at ease
No bedside manner, or kindness in their voice
They decide what to test, what about our choice?
I have to beg and to plead to pay for a test?
Because knowing my own status will cause me more stress?
Is this all a joke? Some kind of enigma?
For a medical community to promote this kind of stigma?
“We don’t think the test will change a damn thing”
How about the psycological pain it will inevitably bring?
“We therefore encourage doctors not to run the test”
So let the poor symptomatics deal with the mess?
“Ignorance is bliss, so it’s better to not know”
And for everyone else, you reap what you sow?
“It’s a harmless skin condition,” they’ll tell you I’m sure
But let’s not test or talk about it, and not look for the cure
False positives, the stigma, and lies all around
A few examples as to why the CDC let’s us all down
DEATH TO THE CDC fuck it right up the ass
Include Hsv in the tests, we all may not pass
And that’s perfectly fine let’s talk about it more
Let’s normalize the STI, and the common cold sore.
I just gotta say that I absolutely hate some people out there. I have been reading some forums on reddit, honeycomb and others.
So many of you people want to believe that your risk to transmit is so low or non existent because of pills or the years you have had this bullS*it virus, and especially the asymptomatic ones.
You do infect people and you need to do other people the service of not screwing their life over by giving them a fair chance.
I was infected but a real estate lawyer in Denver. This B*tch lied about her age by 10 years, saying she was 43 years old and turns out she is 54. I slowly began to realize I was getting manipulated and lied to and begin to question other things; by then it was too late.
I am a college student and I wanted to explore the supposed "milf" shenanigans. Thinking I was having a little fun by exploring my sexuality. This woman KNEW she had HSV2, this woman DID NOT AND DOES NOT TAKE anti-virals. She also PUSHES YOU TO USE LAMBSKIN condoms. Me being niave didn't think anything of it. In one of my encounters with this EVIL b*Tch we got drunk and one of the "sessions" a condom was not used. I had not f*cking idea would be setting myself up, or better yet getting set up for a life full of misery and depression.
Within a matter of 2 weeks I noticed I had 2 strange sores that presented themselves as almost wart like, zit like. Accompanied by an insane amount of itching. About a week prior I has asked this woman about std's because the original story she gave me was that she married for years and clean. WHen asked directly about stds, she claimed she was tested last October and that she was "CLEAN". On the third time I went to go meet up with this person, she decided to disclose to me that she has HSV2 for many years most likely, she claimed she wasn;t sure when she contracted it, she claimed she didn;t give it to her previous husband, she claimed that she was "SPECIAL CASE, in which she did not and does not infect people !!!!!!!!! I have never wanted to get revenge so badly in my life. I hope karma serves this b*tch a life of misery until she takes her last breath.
I am now 30 years old and have to look forward to these nonstop outbreaks that remind almost ever 2, or 3 weeks if I am lucky of one choice to meet up with a woman who manipulates and lies about her situation. HOw can someone be so f*cking evil to convine themselves that they do not infect people, they are some "Special Case". THen when I call her out on her bullsh*t she proclaims it was my fault we didn't use a condom, it was my fault that i chose to have sex with her. B*tch !!! I didn't know you would lie about having an incurable disease !!!!!!!!!
It took me so long to build my self into a confident man and have had very minimal partners in my lifetime. I reach a point where I finally feel close to 100% confident and got to a point of loving my self only to have it all taken away by some selfish c*nt who cared more about her goddamn self than someone else's risk of health.
The sad part is, I wanted to sue this person. Guess what. I fail test after test after test, but I have outbreak after outbreak. I was infected in January 2017, by June I have managed to get the first cold sores in my mouth. I get tested IGG yet again and 3 months later offering plenty of time for antibodies to show up. NOTHING !!!
It's like the goddamn virus is taking over my body. THe sores never present them selves as blisters. THey range from looking like zits with puss and a lot of blood >>> to zits with a solid white core>>> to red sores that are deep and extremely painful to touch.
Since June ( the first time I have ever had a cold sore in my life orally) -- I have semi-regular scalp itching, random sores on my scalp, random sores in my nose, random- semi regular itching on my nose, random zit like sores on my eyelids and in my eyelids. I have been to multiple doctors and an opthamologist and they don';t seem to think I have herpes. SO how the f*ck can I suee this b*tch when I continuously get outbreak after outbreak, but yet no positive test. I have finally saved up enough money to attempt the western blot.
Even then it appears I am too late to sue this c*nt because she filed bankruptcy and listed me on her list as a potential creditor. SHE KNEW SHE F*CKED UP and I have no evidence.
For all the people that say you can't tell who gave you herpes, that is BULLSh*T !!! If you have an encounter with someone and then get symptoms 1 to 3 weeks later, it is a pretty clear indication of whom gave it to you. Especially if you have had only 1 partner in the last 9 months prior. Especially if you had blood tests in the past.
I pretty much have given up on life with exception of school, work, and my dog. My sexual desire has hit rock bottom, I have pretty much come to the conclusion that I will be single for the rest of my life. Sure I have read plenty of stories about women having success, well sorry I am not sexist, but you are a goddamn woman !!! Women have much easier time finding a guy won't mind versus a clean woman that won't mind. Women already have options up the ying yang, ( at least most of them).
I am now on a path of self prison, because I can't possibly live knowing that I infected someone or put someone else at risk.
I just don't know what to do anymore. My parents told me to find support groups or a councilor. I can barely afford rent, and I have pretty much no social life. I wanted to have a little fun between semester last year start off January 2017 with a bang, a bang of a f*cking virus that can't be cured.
Then it appears that the FDA pretty much does not give a sh*t about herpes sufferers. They would rather make money of people managing the virus than actually doing something about it. Hey guys we are raking in millions, let's keep trying the same approach to a vaccine over and over and over. Let's make it so goddamn hard to develop something that researchers and companies will just give up or not even fund the research from the get go.
3 girlfriends in my entire life, now 30 years old and i get f*cked by some evil woman that had to lie about her age, her std status, and not only that but her height !!! then when I called her out on her lieing about her height and age she says, oh well I am this height in heels. blahhh blahhhh f*ck the world and all the evil ass people in it. I have never shafted anyone intentionally in my life and yet somehow I earn this karma !?!?!??!?
Thank you for the post on the top. I know you are right but to be honest with you, I hate having this s***, and mostly because of the stigma and risk to pass this on and then having them deal with the same issues that I am dealing with. I feel that my only hope will be to find someone who has this too but the numbers are so much more limited. You never know 100% but I'm very very suspicious that I got this at the end of last year and had another outbreak in January. It was horrible, not because of the blister but because I got super sick from 2ndary infections for 3 months. And I'm still not a 100% well. I'm okay when I forget about it but I don't forget about it too often and it affects every area of my life. I already had so many stressors but I have no one to blame other than myself. I knew about herpes, I was terrified of getting it or so I thought but I chose to have sex with people without asking for a complete STD panel or people that did not deserve my trust. Now I am paying such a high price for it and most of the time the sex was not even worth it. I feel that I'm doing the best that I can and I AM GETTING HELP but it's still tough. I hope time will help.
We have herpes and it sucks big time. It changes how we interact with people and many other factors in our lives. I see there is so much anger. I am there as well, trust me. Here are some questions. When we decided to get involved with these individuals who infected us with this virus, did we wait 6 months to a year to get tested with them? Did we know about the different types of testing? Did your doctor or nurse tell you that the blood test would only tell you if you were "exposed" to the virus? How much did you really know about herpes? Did your doctor inform you that he/she doesn't test for herpes? Did you know a simple kiss could change your life forever? So, where should all the anger go?
Ok, I'm having a bad day about this. A REALLY bad day. Fuck my fucking life. Fuck. Here goes all the things that I have been trying not to let myself think, but today I'm giving in...
I can't stop going back and forth between anger and depression these last few days. Either I'm crying or a raving bitch (not outwardly, but I would tell someone off very easily today for a small offense). As you might be able to tell, I'm in raving bitch mode at the moment. Why the fuck did this have to happen to me? I have done nothing but try to cultivate good relationships with men that end up screwing me over - and this last guy left me with the ultimate fuck you. I'm a good damn person and had gotten pretty tough when it comes to relationships and dealing with the assholes I tend to attract, but this diagnosis has set me back to square one. Just when my self esteem was getting pretty damn good, I get seriously fucked over. I was finally learning what I DIDN'T deserve from those pricks. I feel like an awkward teenager again trying to build my self esteem while learning how to flirt with boys and figure out my sexuality, because EVERYTHING is different now. Everything I learned about myself as far as relationships and sexuality for the last 30 years have been reset to factory settings, because it's a new fucking world.
The difference? We were all in it together in our awkward puberty years, and there was a light at the end of the tunnel, but now I am in a separate class all my own. A SECRET class, no less. The one thing I keep thinking is that if only assholes wanted me BEFORE herpes and without any baggage, then what will be so great about me WITH herpes to actually get a GOOD guy. The assholes wouldn't even want me now, so why would they? I wouldn't have wanted this in a million years before getting it, so why would someone else? Why wouldn't they just go find another girl without H? There's plenty of them (I know, I know, it's much more common than people think - but we only know that because we have it. That is not the mindset of non-H people).
I am furious, shameful, regretful, horrified, and still in somewhat of a state of denial. I want the old me back. I MISS her. I wish I could go back and tell her she deserved more than what she put herself through and put up with from them, and there were better men out there for her than the ones she was attracting. Problem is, I had gotten to that point when I dumped my giver, only to find out I got H from him. Now I feel like I will only be able to get WORSE men than the ones I was trying to escape from. I was ready to break a bad dating pattern, but now it's just going to get worse or non-existent.
Fuck my life.
By ayekayelle, in Newly Diagnosed
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