Jump to content
World's Largest Herpes Support Group
Editas83

Feel like I'm in mental prison

Recommended Posts

Editas83

Got careless I guess I deserve this shit. 

Thought this girl was normal and we were going to start something real. Come to realize this chick was crazy. Stupid me I texted the "you're clean right?" after we had sex, and her response instantly told me she was a nutcase. 

She did text me she got blood tested at planned Parenthood and she's never had a STD/herpes. Damn liar! I called each Planned Parenthood in LA and they don't adminster IGG tests! She knew she had it. 

I knew something was up from that night, got something similar to strep throat a few days after and it just didn't feel like a normal cold. I have all the symptoms, and they only clear up when I take valtrex. I've tested like 6 times since then, but I think it's still too early for my IGG tests to show as positive. Or the valtrex is screwing up the results. Each one of the docs tell me it's not hsv2, but I'm pretty sure I've got it. Just waiting for the test results to show....

I'm in mental anguish. I'm in constant discomfort, I feel ashamed , and natural death is so far away. When I stare in the mirror, I don't recognize who I am. When I'm at work, I keep thinking...just a few months ago in this seat you weren't infected. I want to go back in time!  I keep reliving events up to that incident where different choices would have led to a different outcome. 

I get nightmares about hsv2 when I sleep and I can't stop thinking about it when I'm awake. Keep visiting the same sites over and over. Reading each story from Terri Warren's site. Reading about how these vaccines failed and how crispr if it is even able to cure this sht won't be here for another 10 years min. 

I paid for a week long vacation in the beginning of the year, I'm not going anymore. I'm too depressed to even think about out travelling. The stress of the flight would probably lead to more breakouts anyway. 

I hate watching what I have to eat. I hate that my balls ache. I hate that I have to use two towels. I hate that my mom is going to ask me why the I'm not dating or getting married. I hate that valtrex makes me constantly tired. 

I'm just looking towards retirement. I'm mid 30s now. I figure if I keep my head down and just save I can retire around 55 and either move out of LA or the country and live in peace. 

I've thought about suicide, but my mom would be destroyed. It's a coward way out anyway. 

My self esteem has gone to shit. I was pretty outgoing before, gym 5x a week, surfed on weekends.... now I just stay home watching TV. I've lost ten pounds and I'm losing hair from the depression. I cringe everytime there is happy hour invite. I think how am I getting out of this one? If I drink I may get more OBs. I've been in relationships since 19, but I don't think i have the courage to date again..."I have gential herpes" I don't think I can utter that phrase. 

I started going to church and I find some solace in it but everytime I go I feel ashamed. 

Sorry for the rant. Can't sleep. Afraid to sleep. My balls ache. 

Edited by Editas83

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
lennyblastoff

I know it seems bad but your in your mid 30's Im 100% sure you'll be able to find a loving women if you just put the effort in sorta like trying to get a job. Im 23 and just got it in May while using a condom so you can imagine my own turmoil. I was slump for about a month but ended up working a lot doing two jobs and school while going through this so ive been keeping strong by keeping busy. Its made me look at life from a different light but its not really gonna change much in the end of things we're all gonna die anyways. Plus you live in LA im sure there are plenty of women with the herps over there.

Thats crazy you don't want to travel i've wanted to live more freely now as opposed to the dormancy before and when i was originally dx send me your ticket lol. 

 

Also the hair loss can be a side effect of valtrex

Edited by lennyblastoff

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Editas83

@WilsoInAus  tingling feeling around the anus. Three or four red blood spots on the scrotum. Red irritated spots on the head of the penis. Constant dull testicle ache. Might have infected a finger as well. Index finger has white spots below the skin that I can only see if i flash a light on it. 

Single red spots around the boxer brief area that go away. Also had the constant urge to urinate for a week. Which stopped after taking valtrex for 3 days

My eyes are sensitive to light/ blurry vision. do you think I some how infected my eyes by rubbing them with my infected finger? Idk maybe this is all in my head. 

My igg tests at 3 weeks and 7 weeks showed extremely high hsv1 results. Around 50 and hsv2 we're below .90. I'm assuming I've got genital hsv1 or the meds are screwing with the hsv2 results. 

@lennyblastoff thanks for the words of encouragement. I hope I can shake this feeling like you. 

Edited by Editas83

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
WilsoInAus

@Editas83 there is little in the symptoms you describe that suggests herpes.

Testing shows that you have a childhood oral HSV-1. Only HSV-2 is a pragmatic genital HSV infection. Your testing is clear for HSV-2 and you can expect that to continue until a conclusive result in the negative at 16 weeks.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Editas83

@WilsoInAus I guess reading my symptoms it may seem suspect. But there is no other explanation. Only thing that helps my symptoms are valtrex 500mg twice a day. 

Trust me I'd love to believe you. 

I understand this isn't a classic case of blisters which one can swab for results. Which would be definitive. 

In cases like mine. I think some people would wave it off as something non herpetic and pass it on without knowing. 

As you've mentioned I will test at 16 weeks. Do you think I should stay off the valtrex? Terri Warren on her site did mention this may skew the results. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
WilsoInAus

@Editas83 this is a classic case of the collywobbles. Your fears are running away from you. Stress is a key factor here.

You do not need Valtrex. Have no fear, your 16 week test will be negative.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Atrapasueños

Algunos de tus síntomas son por estrés y depresión también pasé por eso así que ánimo espera las semanas y hazte una prueba

_________ _____

Some of your symptoms are due to stress and depression I also went through that, so cheer awaits the weeks and get a test

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Lola01

It's normal you feel depressed but you cannot let yourself stay there. Keep your mind busy travelling, working or doing what you like. Life doesn't end because HSV2. I'm sure you have your family and friends who care about you. I'm having weekly OBs after stopping Aciclover about 1 month and a half ago... and it makes me feel down every time I get a new outbreak. So I just try not to think about it. I know it's not easy but the thing is that life continues...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Notthesame
13 hours ago, Editas83 said:

@WilsoInAus I guess reading my symptoms it may seem suspect. But there is no other explanation. Only thing that helps my symptoms are valtrex 500mg twice a day. 

Trust me I'd love to believe you. 

I understand this isn't a classic case of blisters which one can swab for results. Which would be definitive. 

In cases like mine. I think some people would wave it off as something non herpetic and pass it on without knowing. 

As you've mentioned I will test at 16 weeks. Do you think I should stay off the valtrex? Terri Warren on her site did mention this may skew the results. 

I think your right there is no other explanation. It's not right that people tell u it's not and kick the can down the road.its thought that it's better not to diagnose and pretend it's not if there arnt classic blisters to swab which only 20% of people who aquire it get. to save the mental damage that comes with a diagnosis.i feel it's worse mentally  knowing urself and having people tell u it's not  .

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
WilsoInAus
17 minutes ago, Notthesame said:

I think your right there is no other explanation. It's not right that people tell u it's not and kick the can down the road.its thought that it's better not to diagnose and pretend it's not if there arnt classic blisters to swab which only 20% of people who aquire it get. to save the mental damage that comes with a diagnosis.i feel it's worse mentally  knowing urself and having people tell u it's not  .

Totally incorrect.

There are numerous possibilities here, the chances of which way exceed herpes. A 7 week test picks up 80% of HSV infections so that door is pretty much closed as it is.

90% plus of people experience an outbreak upon initial infection, many times very mild, but can be swabbed.

There are far more serious issues than herpes that absolutely need to be eliminated. It is highly detrimental to shut the gate assuming the bolted horse was herpes, that’s the worse conclusion you can make.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Malibu Stacy

I know you are freaking out now but you will be okay. This is not the end of the world. The stigma behind herpes is way worse than actually having it. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Dee22

I dont have classic signs and the dr still swabbed me and it came back positive. U cant see anything visually on my body but they swabbed the area when i was having ob symptoms so u should be able to swab.  Also it sounds like u couod have had a uti that can pass so maybe u thought the valtrex was treating that. 

I believe u know your own body and aomwthing is telling u there is a problem so follow that instinct. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Leemell48

I understand everything you are going through. I feel the same and its horrible. I keep going over the night in my head and wishing it didn't happen. I am waiting to get tested again at 3 months. You know your body so I would retest again at a later time. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Lulupazoola

Try hard to do something positive for yourself.  I know its hard when u feel depressed and anxious.  The people that love u love u.  That isnt going to change because u have H.  There is no reason for the shame.  Everyone who has sex is vulnerable.  Dietary changes can help, antiviral essential oils can help, taking lysine and certain herbal supplements can help... one person on this forum quit having symptoms using mega doses of vitamin C.  I tried several things that i learned of here and havent had an OB since.  Its only been a month, but i was having OBs continuously, so Im feeling like Queen of the Universe now.  Come on!  U can find something right here that can probably help u.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


  • The Hive is Thriving!

    • Total Topics
      69,536
    • Total Posts
      468,286
  • Posts

    • viralfrog
      I'm 99% confident that these are caused by Herpes. This is what they looked like when I first caught the virus, and in the same spots as well, although now much milder and smaller in size.  I have tested positive via swab when I first got the virus, and two times via blood test. However, since several people here are doubting my symptoms are caused by HSV, I might do another swab just to be sure. It's still good to rule anything else out beforehand. 
    • Nicki0605
      And btw  @ayekayelle I’m sorry you’re considering divorce. I hope you are able to work it out with him. But if you’re not happy I think it’s worth taking the risk of leaving! You deserve to be happy!
    • Nicki0605
      Ikr! I’ll have guys be like “oh yeah you’re right, you’re not gross or less valuable but it is a deal breaker” I don’t really blame them (because I am still coming to terms with it being “not a big deal”) 
    • G77
    • Quest
      It's very possible he or you were mostly a carrier. Neither one of you have to have sores all you have to do is shed.
×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue.