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Roja

How can I learn to enjoy sex again?

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Roja

Hey everyone, 

I got diagnosed with type 2 about 12 years ago. I was 18 and my life got destroyed, thanks to a very "insensitive" doctor who told me that from now on I am a risk and dangerous to men when having sex :unamused:  

However, I am having regular outbreaks, sometimes even once a month with my period. I know that besides my period my main trigger is mental stress, because I worry a lot (working on that :stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye:) and I get stressed quickly.

I have been taking medicine some years ago (valtrex), but I felt very bad and had to stop taking it after a year. I sometimes take Valciclovir now and then, but I also am not feeling very happy about taking them on a daily base. 

The thing is... I am in great, loving relationship with a man who doesn't make a problem out of it. We talked about Herpes a lot and he is just like: "Come on, don't freak out!". He wants to give me oral sex, which I mainly refuse, because... you know. We are using condoms and up to now it looks like I didn't pass the virus to him. 

BUT... We are planning to have children soon.. And I am already freaking out about it. Because even though my BF is great and he doesn't have a problem with my condition, and even though we are using condoms right now, I just can't have sex WITHOUT thinking about herpes. Every time we start kissing or whatever I check my genial area: Is there any pain? Do I feel somethings strange? Might there be a blister but I don't notice it? 

I just CAN'T relax and enjoy sex. Herpes is in my mind every f***ing time. I passed it to one guy shortly after my diagnose (he suddenly had herpes on his lips) and as you can imagine, he wasn't happy about it, although I told him before...

So please, can anyone of you tell me how to turn off that little voice in your head that tells you "Don't forget, you have herpes! You could give it to him! You are dangerous!" while having sex? I am young, I want to have sex and enjoy.. And I want to make babies! But how should I have sex without a condom, if I already worry about herpes WITH a condom?

How did you come back to a "normal" sex life and just enjoy? 

 

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floydmonk

Hi Roja,

I have had gHSV1 for about 6 months now. Being male and having HSV1 are both positive factors in the prognosis of my condition, whereas it is the opposite in yours. Typically it is harder for women, and certainly HSV2 is more aggressive from what I have heard. My experience has been painful neuralgia in a specific spot, other than that outbreak free since the initial infection.

Fortunately, my wife stayed with me and we have evolved our sex habits to be more safe. We use condoms consistently, and we talk often about how it affects each other and work together to make adjustments as needed. I take Beta Glucan and Olive Leaf as a combined supplement to keep the pain down, it seems to clear the virus out by ramping up your immune system.

As far as having kids, I am fortunate that my wife has still not contracted gHSV1, but only has it orally. I have a specific plan involving a device like POPDildo to make it happen. You have to rationalize and figure out what will work for you. A C-Section pregnancy is very likely given that you are the one with the condition, as it presents a direct risk to your baby. Hopefully with a plan in place you can restore hope, as well as live a better life. I really have a lot of sincere hope for HSV2 sufferers because I have experienced this pain and social stigma in a much milder sense and it is very challenging mentally/physically. Hope my story helps!

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AnonF
15 minutes ago, floydmonk said:

Hi Roja,

I have had gHSV1 for about 6 months now. Being male and having HSV1 are both positive factors in the prognosis of my condition, whereas it is the opposite in yours. Typically it is harder for women, and certainly HSV2 is more aggressive from what I have heard. My experience has been painful neuralgia in a specific spot, other than that outbreak free since the initial infection.

Fortunately, my wife stayed with me and we have evolved our sex habits to be more safe. We use condoms consistently, and we talk often about how it affects each other and work together to make adjustments as needed. I take Beta Glucan and Olive Leaf as a combined supplement to keep the pain down, it seems to clear the virus out by ramping up your immune system.

As far as having kids, I am fortunate that my wife has still not contracted gHSV1, but only has it orally. I have a specific plan involving a device like POPDildo to make it happen. You have to rationalize and figure out what will work for you. A C-Section pregnancy is very likely given that you are the one with the condition, as it presents a direct risk to your baby. Hopefully with a plan in place you can restore hope, as well as live a better life. I really have a lot of sincere hope for HSV2 sufferers because I have experienced this pain and social stigma in a much milder sense and it is very challenging mentally/physically. Hope my story helps!

If your wife is already infected with oral HSV1 then she will not contract it genitally! I have verified this with two medical professionals. One of which was willing to have unprotected sex w/ me ( because he already has oral hsv1

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floydmonk

I have not believed this to be true. In fact I think, but am unsure, that I had HSV orally prior. When the initial outbreak occurred my mouth had sores in it as well. Aside from that there is a lot of CDC approved information stating that it is possible. 

I see oral and genital and two separate neurological ganglions and nerve centers. They get infected separately, however there is a common immune response for your entire body, only offering some protection in that scenario.

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2kroc

Yes, just have sex wearing clothes and a condom, also don't kiss. No disclosure needed.

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Roja
4 hours ago, 2kroc said:

Yes, just have sex wearing clothes and a condom, also don't kiss. No disclosure needed.

Haha, I would prefer to have no sex then. 

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2kroc
12 hours ago, Roja said:

Haha, I would prefer to have no sex then. 

Only one of you guys have to wear clothes, They don't even have to be thick clothes just a wife beater and sweatpants or something. At least you get to have sex this way. I know damn well i'd fuck a chick, pants on or off. Give your man some options.

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Roja
11 hours ago, 2kroc said:

Only one of you guys have to wear clothes, They don't even have to be thick clothes just a wife beater and sweatpants or something. At least you get to have sex this way. I know damn well i'd fuck a chick, pants on or off. Give your man some options.

My man has options. He is a grown up and aware of my hsv status and the risks. He is fine with that. So don't tell me to give him "some options". Thank you. 

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IloveCoco
On 10/28/2018 at 1:58 PM, Roja said:

Hey everyone, 

I got diagnosed with type 2 about 12 years ago. I was 18 and my life got destroyed, thanks to a very "insensitive" doctor who told me that from now on I am a risk and dangerous to men when having sex :unamused:  

However, I am having regular outbreaks, sometimes even once a month with my period. I know that besides my period my main trigger is mental stress, because I worry a lot (working on that :stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye:) and I get stressed quickly.

I have been taking medicine some years ago (valtrex), but I felt very bad and had to stop taking it after a year. I sometimes take Valciclovir now and then, but I also am not feeling very happy about taking them on a daily base. 

The thing is... I am in great, loving relationship with a man who doesn't make a problem out of it. We talked about Herpes a lot and he is just like: "Come on, don't freak out!". He wants to give me oral sex, which I mainly refuse, because... you know. We are using condoms and up to now it looks like I didn't pass the virus to him. 

BUT... We are planning to have children soon.. And I am already freaking out about it. Because even though my BF is great and he doesn't have a problem with my condition, and even though we are using condoms right now, I just can't have sex WITHOUT thinking about herpes. Every time we start kissing or whatever I check my genial area: Is there any pain? Do I feel somethings strange? Might there be a blister but I don't notice it? 

I just CAN'T relax and enjoy sex. Herpes is in my mind every f***ing time. I passed it to one guy shortly after my diagnose (he suddenly had herpes on his lips) and as you can imagine, he wasn't happy about it, although I told him before...

So please, can anyone of you tell me how to turn off that little voice in your head that tells you "Don't forget, you have herpes! You could give it to him! You are dangerous!" while having sex? I am young, I want to have sex and enjoy.. And I want to make babies! But how should I have sex without a condom, if I already worry about herpes WITH a condom?

How did you come back to a "normal" sex life and just enjoy? 

 

How long after diagnosis did you start to have sex again? How did he get it on the lips?

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Roja
5 hours ago, IloveCoco said:

How long after diagnosis did you start to have sex again? How did he get it on the lips?

Mh, I don't really remember how much time passed between my diagnosis and the first time I had sex again. I think approximately 4-5 months.

Well, I remember having some prodromes (nerve pain) when he gave me oral sex. Various doctors told me I shouldn't worry and transmission is impossible without an actual outbreak and I unfortunately believed them and let him go down on me. Tadaaa, suddenly he had an outbreak on his lips.

As I said in another thread, he never had herpes before, but he also never got tested for HSV2 after his outbreak. So yes, it could be HSV1 from another person or since childhood, but I believe due to our situation that I gave transmitted him HSV2 through oral sex.   

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