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bowiefan003

Worried about my much older, immunocompromised partner

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bowiefan003

I have been chatting with a man from England for over three years now. We are madly in love and plan to meet soon. All of our fantasies are built upon the idea of getting married and having a baby (call it premature but he is in his early 50's and I am inching to 30 so I guess its somewhat appropriate timing). I can't help this underlying paranoia I have regarding my condition. He has three main issues going against him:

1) He is European meaning he will not have as strong of an immune defense against HSV2 (rates in the UK are much less than in America)

2) He is likely immunocompromised and gets lots of HSV1 outbreaks as is

3) He is much older - and from what I understand the consequences of getting HSV2 in older age can be much more serious

The latter part is what I'm most concerned about. What if we can only make love a handful of times only to see my partner's life destroyed and both of us unable to express our love for each other through sex? He seems immunocompromised largely in part due to a sleeping disorder he has had a result of PTSD. When he doesn't get enough sleep he is more prone to seizures and colds and comments regularly that he gets a ton of cold sores. This SERIOUSLY concerns me. Will we ever be able to have sex without condoms? The idea of not being able to makes me feel like damaged goods, unable to enjoy sex to the full extent with the person I love and unable to have a baby. I've mentioned my concerns over him being immunocompromised and how he should maybe talk to his doctor in regards to the possible consequences of infection but he always downplays his concerns. We continue to fantasize (when you are in a long distance relationship you need to know how to fantasize) about bareback sex and all that it entails..) but never really talk about the logistics of it. Maybe I am overthinking of it but hoping to get some insight from others that may have an older and/or immunocompromised partner.

Edited by bowiefan003

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IamPositive

Dear.. when you’re considering about the baby.. do thinking about the well being of your relationship in the future. With his immunodeficiency problem, it might created a big problem. It’s not only about you, or your baby.. but it’s also about him.. could he handle the guilty feelings if he accidentally pass the virus to his baby?? Could he dealing with the restrictions to prevent the direct contact during outbreak and not kissing his little one? Could he handle his fear and paranoia about this virus. Trust me, for now you probably thinks that you still can manage the situation if if if... because you’re in love. But once you get that tiny little angel in your arms.. you would do anything to protect your baby.

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