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Worried about my much older, immunocompromised partner

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I have been chatting with a man from England for over three years now. We are madly in love and plan to meet soon. All of our fantasies are built upon the idea of getting married and having a baby (call it premature but he is in his early 50's and I am inching to 30 so I guess its somewhat appropriate timing). I can't help this underlying paranoia I have regarding my condition. He has three main issues going against him:

1) He is European meaning he will not have as strong of an immune defense against HSV2 (rates in the UK are much less than in America)

2) He is likely immunocompromised and gets lots of HSV1 outbreaks as is

3) He is much older - and from what I understand the consequences of getting HSV2 in older age can be much more serious

The latter part is what I'm most concerned about. What if we can only make love a handful of times only to see my partner's life destroyed and both of us unable to express our love for each other through sex? He knows I am HSV2+. My concern is that he seems immunocompromised largely in part due to a sleeping disorder he has had a result of PTSD. When he doesn't get enough sleep he is more prone to seizures and colds and comments regularly that he gets a ton of cold sores. This SERIOUSLY concerns me. Will we ever be able to have sex without condoms? The idea of not being able to makes me feel like damaged goods, unable to enjoy sex to the full extent with the person I love and unable to have a baby. I've mentioned my concerns over him being immunocompromised and how he should maybe talk to his doctor in regards to the possible consequences of infection but he always downplays his concerns. We continue to fantasize (when you are in a long distance relationship you need to know how to fantasize) about bareback sex and all that it entails..) but never really talk about the logistics of it. Maybe I am overthinking of it but hoping to get some insight from others that may have an older and/or immunocompromised partner or if you yourself got it at an older age. Suggestions to tame my latent worries? I don't really want to talk to him about it more than I have to aside from supporting him in leading a healthy lifestyle (an ongoing mutual goal).

Edited by bowiefan003

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I think the first step is to get a Westernblot to confirm what you have, good to assess risks with relationships and having children.

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  • The Hive is Thriving!

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    • IloveCoco
      Omg you crack me up. Being reckless is sleeping with a condom and not having any other sexy foreplay before just in case? This was not a random dude I just met at the bar that night, he had been talking to me for 3 months before.  The lawyer was reckless for not disclosing or taking antivirals or whatever. I trusted him for being so nice to me. 
    • IloveCoco
      How could I have gotten hsv1 on my genitals as a child??? I’ve never had a coldsore either in my life. My body changed after I had sex with that idiot, which sucked  and it’s not pointless to know who did this to you when in some states it’s considered a crime to transmit an std to another person. 
    • sincere40
      Thank.you @Distraught1
    • Morpheo
      its very very very hard to know who gave it to you..my drs told me is pointless. and to come back positive for hsv1 on blood test, its alsaw kind of dumb because most people get it as children, and they dont have any outbreak..so could be the lawyer..or not...
    • blurneworder
      I am in a similar situation. I experience the dizziness every day. I feel fatigued most of my day. I get tiny cuts in the genital area and lips. I get burning/tiny red dots in the genital area. I get tingling sensations in different areas. Valocyclavir did not work for me. I have a tiny, white bump on my lip that crusted over. All tests (no Western Blot) have been negative. Blood work is negative. This all started after I had unprotected sex.   What are your oral outbreaks like?

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