Jump to content
World's Largest Herpes Support Group
KJ92

Newly diagnosed and struggling deeply

Recommended Posts

KJ92

Hi everyone.

I never thought I'd see the day that I would be posting in an online forum, let alone for this topic. I also never thought in a million years that I would get this. Im not really sure what to say on here, I just needed to say something. I was recently diagnosed positive for GHSV2... like "4 hours ago" newly diagnosed. I am still just in complete shock. It hasn't settled with me yet that I will be dealing with this for the rest of my life. I already picked up my medication, Valtrex, and it took me a solid 3 minutes to even bring myself to swallow the pill, cause I had this deep sinking feeling, like "once I do this, it's for real... this is actually happening... this is actually my life now.. this isnt some terrible nightmare that Im going to wake up from." Ive already called my (new) boyfriend and broke the news to him. He was much more understanding than I had expected and is actually going tonight to get himself tested, so we can decide where to go from there.

So I had my doctors appointment yesterday with a new gyno who upon immediately examining me came to the conclusion that what I had was herpes. I didnt want to accept it and continuously reassured her that it couldn't be that because I had just gotten tested in June and those results came back NEGATIVE. Or so I had thought... Apparently, my results in June did NOT come back negative, and in fact came back positive for HSV2, yet NO ONE called me to review these results or follow up with a care plan for me. I don't remember much from that time, but considering the fact that I have been living for almost 5 months now, unknowingly with this virus, tells me that IF/WHEN I had spoken to someone at that particular doctors office, than they must have told me that I showed negative for everything, because I went on living my life like I had nothing. Im not sure what the protocol is in different states, but for VA (where I live) the doctor usually calls you and states that "they received your results and then they proceed to read off said results for each test" over the phone. I know for a FACT, that I would have remembered being told that I was positive for ANYTHING back in June.. especially considering I usually get myself tested often at and take testing very seriously, since I always dreaded the thought of ever catching something. And now.... look where I am left!!! I feel incredibly hurt and angry that this office failed to discuss these results with me! I never received a paper copy of my results, no email, nothing. The only thing I ever received from that visit was a bill stating the amount of money I had left to pay after insurance, and what tests the charges were for. Had I known that I tested positive back in June, I would have NEVER exposed my boyfriend who I very much care about and saw a new future with. I will feel incredibly guilty if his results come back positive and come to find out that  I AM the reason for his diagnosis. 

Im sorry this is so long, I just have so much inside me that I need to let out. Clearly, you can see I am incredibly angry at this. I feel immensely isolated. I feel dirty. I feel like no one will ever love me again. I feel like even if I find a new partner, how can someone willingly choose to be with a person who has herpes, when they are not infected themselves? Why would they subject themselves to that exposure when there are plenty of other people they can be with who aren't exposed? I have always had a poor self image, I'm incredibly self-conscious. I consistently, on a daily basis struggle with self esteem issues and self-worth... and now, to have this psychological trauma and burden to add on top of all of that?! I don't know how to live with myself and I feel like my world is falling apart and I would be better off dead, than have to deal with a lifetime of loneliness and misery that comes from this psychological pain I am going through. 

I know I keep reading that "this isn't the end of the world", and "things will get better", etc etc. but being as this is DAY ONE for me.... and I feel like this... I can't imagine having to feel this way EVERY DAY, for who knows how long... until I just feel completely numb from it. I guess when that day finally comes, it'll also be the day that I start getting over it and dealing with this. But from this point A until that point B... the thought of that time in between just feels like so MUCH to deal with. So much pain, and hurt, and sorrow, that I just don't want to feel. not right now, not for a few months, not ever.

I can't be the only one who has felt this way. I am trying to be positive and divert my energy into researching this illness and finding support groups and forums like this, but I just need to know that I am not alone in this. I know for right now, that in my physical, every day life, the relationships/friendships I deal with in-person on a daily basis, I will be alone for the time being... but I really just need to know that I can, at least, find some support online... from others who understand me or have felt similar to what I am feeling right now. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Supergirl101

I wanted to say its ok to cry. We all do your not alone. Dr.s aren't really to educated on this when they told me they never even gave me medicine. Keep your head up your not alone love 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
MikeIke

You're going through the exact same thing i am. I just finished my 10 day course. I feel dirty, am constantly checking myself, don't feel normal and realize how much viability I've lost and many mating options have vanished. A bit concerned about the neuronal aspect of this virus as well as the lack of a drive for any vaccine. I understand. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

  • Similar Content

    • sub16610
      By sub16610
      I'm really desperated, I've been visiting three different doctors and they didn't help me at all. Here is my story.
      I'm a 30 years old male in good physical and medical condition. Healthy and sporty lifestyle.
      - April 2018 : One-month holiday trip, including a lot of protected and unprotected sex with stranger girls.
      - May 2018 : Back home. I'm noticing redness on the glans and the foreskin of my penis, a few spots under the corona, and my glans looking wrinkled, very dry, and the foreskin looking like "sticky" when retracting the foreskin. I've been thinking about a fungal balanitis, so I've been applying Econazole, without any amelioration. Decided to get tested for HIV, IST, and HSV 1/2. Everything came negative, except HSV1 IgG Positive (IgM 0.70) - so pretty much an old infection. Showed my glans to Generalist Practician who said it looks normal, advises to avoid any chemical, soap, or whatever. I feel pretty much tired all the time, coffee won't help - but I don't feel pain. Tiredness could be related to pollen allergy - I've been tested with a very high IgE.
      - June 2018 : Things didn't improve. Exactly the same. Very intense redness after sex, that last up to a week. Decided to go to a dermatologist - even if I showed photos where the redness and the spots are really noticeable, she says she doesn't know, but it doesn't look like herpes to her. She told me to do nothing, avoid chemical and treatments, things should come back in order as nothing has been diagnosed by blood test.
      - November 2018 : After another rash/redness episode, went to an urologist. He said my glans and foreskin look normal. The reaction of these 3 doctors to my problem is absolutely incredible. My penis looks completely sick, I told them it has never been like this, and they say it look normal - I don't understand anything. I tried Fusidic Acid cream (antibiotic) without success. Then, I tried antifugal cream again, no result. Foreskin still stick when retracting. I'm beggining thinking about a rare genital HSV1, which outbreaks could be caused by rough sex. Here are some pictures of how my penis was looking at that time.
       
      - December 2018 : Had another blood test. HSV1 still positive, HSV2 still negative, HSV1/2 IgM now in gray zone.
      - January 2019 : Since a few days I have the most impressive outbreak I've never had. My glans and foreskin are now covered with red spots. I still don't feel pain - at most a little itchy - but my eyes are blood shot/pink. I don't really feel tired. Yesterday I ran to the pharmacy to buy Valaciclovir - I'm taking 500mg in the morning, 500mg in the evening.
       
       
      It's been now 8 months I'm dealing with that, and I still don't know what I'm fighting against. As you can guess, it's very hard for me, psychologically. 
      I'm avoiding having sex and when I do, of course I use protection. Since this last outbreak that really looks terrible, I wouldn't even dare have sex. I'm ashamed, feeling guilty, and it seems like doctors won't help me. 
      My only hope is this forum.
      What is your opinion ? Do you think it looks like an HSV1 outbreak ? If not, what could it be ?
      Thanks in advance.
    • Ginko123
      By Ginko123
      Hi Everyone, 
      It's been awhile. I got diagnosed with HSV2 last year. Just got an HPV (not the wart kind) diagnosis recently. Anyone on here with both?
       
    • dflghdfgl
      By dflghdfgl
      48 hours ago I noticed an odd pattern of red, slightly raised marks on my inner thigh next to my testicles. (The smaller red bumps above it are from shaving and usually happen appear for a couple days then diminish)
      Went to walk-in clinic this morning and the doctor was confident this is not herpes but more likely a skin infection like folliculitis or acne (I have issues with acne). I asked for a swab and the doctor told me that it was not necessary and prescribed an antibacterial & steroid cream to apply twice daily.
      I also asked for a HSV blood test and the doctor said the test wouldn't tell me which type of HSV it was if I had it. She said if I had cold sores before, it would come back positive and be misleading for this infection (I informed her I never had a cold sore before).
      They haven't changed in progression over the 48 hours. Just seem to get a little less red at times.
      I will see my family doctor when she is back from vacation but hoping for second opinion here.
      Thoughts?
      CLOSEUP 1
      CLOSEUP 2
      THIGH 1
      THIGH 2
    • anom1990
      By anom1990
      Hi everyone.
      I’m still trying to process this but I am a gay male in my late 20’s that was recently diagnosed with HSV-2 in October 2018. I haven’t been sexually active since 2015 and have only engaged in sexual activity with four people in my life. I’m feeling a lot of emotions because of this; sad, angry, confused, violated, ect. Thoughts like who would’ve thought someone like little ole me, compared to all of the VERY promiscuous people in the world, would end up with Genital Herpes ESPECIALLY when I’ve been abstinent and just focusing on myself for years. That was a gunshot to my soul. It’s crazy that I’ve ALWAYS done regular STD testing, thinking I was negative for everything only to find out that Herpes was never included in my testing because I never knew you had to literally ask for that until this year. The CDC and medical industry is so fucked up and wrong for that. I’ve always used protection, except with my first boyfriend but that was back in 2009-2010 and a condom broke with a sexual encounter I had back in 2011 and I remember immediately putting a new one on him. Unfortunately, all of the men I’ve dealt with sexually are questionable. Half of me wants to know who gave this to me but the other half is like what’s the point. I only have access to contact three of them (I don’t know where the other guy is) but I haven’t spoken to two of them in years, one of them in a whole decade and it would be pretty awkward for me years later to write them a message about herpes. My first boyfriend and I are cordial but he’s still immature so it would be very awkward with him. Anyways, as I’ve been thinking and backtracking my life, I would think I caught this back in 2011 because I remember my anus itching so badly but I thought it was just my hair growing back because I do recall shaving before having sex so I guess that was my first outbreak. Other times I would just get a minor itch in and on my buttocks but I never would’ve thought herpes. I’ve never got outbreaks on my penile area. This is all still confusing and baffling to me. I’m still sad and feeling like my future love life was taken from me. I feel like part of my confidence was taken from me. I don’t even feel comfortable flirting and finding people attractive right now. I’m just releasing my thoughts about my situation but I do have questions. My results also came back saying I had extremely low Vitamin D deficiency; does HSV-2 have something to do with that? Is there a test I could take to tell me exactly when I contracted this virus? This question may be TMI but I masturbate and I notice that a lot of sperm doesn’t cum out sometimes, does HSV-2 have something to do with that?
    • Alwayssmile_
      By Alwayssmile_
      Hi 
      I'm losing more hair than usual and not on any suppressive meds. 
      Was wondering if anyone else experienced this hsv2 diagnosis or even hsv1 diagnoses 
      If so how did you solve the problem? 
      Thank you. 
  • Trending Now

  • The Hive is Thriving!

    • Total Topics
      69,098
    • Total Posts
      463,443
  • Posts

    • Voyager2
      I'm glad I donated and will do so again when it hits $10,000, as you will, Mike. If anybody doubts what the Jerome group is trying to do, the report from Vail, CO in May 2018 makes it crystal clear. Their goal is to disable the virus and render it incapable of reactivating from latency, which is exactly what we want, and they are up to about 20% to 30% successful, which is SOLID progress.
    • Aurora444
      Do herpes leave scar? I had 3 blisters on my eye forehead, my aunt said it was herpes. But  hinsi naman sya nagtingle at masakit. At ngayon nag scar na sya sa may eyebrow ko. Nilalagyan ko na lang nang eyeliner para hindi halata. 
    • Aurora444
      Im here.. i have scars on my eyebrows and eye forehead. I am scaref it is caused by herpes. But herpes daw rarely leaves  scar
    • Aurora444
      I recently have atleast 3 scars which are already atleast 2 months now. I dont know it it is caused by a herpes, but as far as i can remember it stared last november 27, 2018. It did not have water filled blisters but it tingles. It was not painful at all. I thought it would just clear up after a week but it leaves a scar. I put a celetique scar remover but it didnt worked at all. The scars are still there and i think it is growing. Im afraid, scared and ashamed to go to the doctor. Pls help  
    • Aurora444
      I recently have atleast 3 scars which are already atleast 2 months now. I dont know it it is caused by a herpes, but as far as i can remember it stared last november 27, 2018. It did not have water filled blisters but it tingles. It was not painful at all. I thought it would just clear up after a week but it leaves a scar. I put a celetique scar remover but it didnt worked at all. The scars are still there and i think it is growing. Im afraid, scared and ashamed to go to the doctor. Pls help
×

Important Information

We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue.