I feel like committing suicide

[raka]

My life went upside down diagnosed with hsv2 and I am not able to cope up with it every day I am feeling depressed. Don't know how I have to keep this secret my entire life. Can't tell parents i am.indian unmarried pretty sure no one will marry me if i say I have hsv2 and if I marry a girl with out saying it's cheating and I have to hide the secret from her every day the thoughts are killing me and It's been 30 days still not yet cured from my outbreak I have urethritis with herpes doctor told me up the dose. I am not able to take this all in my mind feeling commuting suicide but my family will suffer if I die. Don't know what I can do? I have a No cure disease...all this because of one mistake I did

Edited October 31, 2018 by raka

[Life101]

Please don’t ! I’ve just been diagnosed recently and I felt a little what you are feeling now and how it will effect my life but don’t let this overpower and you and cause you to end your life. You’re much more valuable here and this website has really helped me to cope with my disappointment I hope it can do the same for you 

[Roja]

Dear Raka, 

I can understand you. I felt so guilty, dirty, bad, wrong after my diagnose. I thought that life would end, that there would be no person in the world who would like to be with me again. BUT IT IS NOT TRUE. 

Please have in mind that every 1 in 5 person has the same issue. You are not alone! 

And please, always remember: Herpes is just one, little condition of your life. It is not you! As you said: You are a young, indian man. You have your job, your hobbies, your friends, the things you like and the things you don't like. A woman will not be with you because you don't have herpes. She will be with you and like you because you are smart, nice, because you like the same things as she does. It is not like "Hi, I am Raka and I have herpes." It is: "Hi, I am Raka, I like [...], I do [...], I love [...] and I have herpes." That is it :-) 

[ill47]

Give yourself 12 months. Then come back here and tell us how you feel. What do you have to lose? 

[raka]

Thanks for the comments I am trying to divert my thinking by not thinking about it everytime but I am unable to do it. Sitting in my office and seeing everyone I feel I am a defective person among them. I am just trying to live because of my parents as they are all to me if I die then they can't bear it I don't want to hurt them and if I live and marry the girl in India the traditional and culture plays a major role I don't know I am really disappointed at me right now. 1 st outbreak is killing me more it's been 30 days not cured symptoms are reducing and again coming back which is making me worse. Can't tell any one......I am alone...

[raka]

6 hours ago, ill47 said:

Give yourself 12 months. Then come back here and tell us how you feel. What do you have to lose? 

 

10 hours ago, Roja said:

Dear Raka, 

I can understand you. I felt so guilty, dirty, bad, wrong after my diagnose. I thought that life would end, that there would be no person in the world who would like to be with me again. BUT IT IS NOT TRUE. 

Please have in mind that every 1 in 5 person has the same issue. You are not alone! 

And please, always remember: Herpes is just one, little condition of your life. It is not you! As you said: You are a young, indian man. You have your job, your hobbies, your friends, the things you like and the things you don't like. A woman will not be with you because you don't have herpes. She will be with you and like you because you are smart, nice, because you like the same things as she does. It is not like "Hi, I am Raka and I have herpes." It is: "Hi, I am Raka, I like [...], I do [...], I love [...] and I have herpes." That is it :-) 

 

13 hours ago, Life101 said:

Please don’t ! I’ve just been diagnosed recently and I felt a little what you are feeling now and how it will effect my life but don’t let this overpower and you and cause you to end your life. You’re much more valuable here and this website has really helped me to cope with my disappointment I hope it can do the same for you 

 

8 minutes ago, raka said:

Thanks for the comments I am trying to divert my thinking by not thinking about it everytime but I am unable to do it. Sitting in my office and seeing everyone I feel I am a defective person among them. I am just trying to live because of my parents as they are all to me if I die then they can't bear it I don't want to hurt them and if I live and marry the girl in India the traditional and culture plays a major role I don't know I am really disappointed at me right now. 1 st outbreak is killing me more it's been 30 days not cured symptoms are reducing and again coming back which is making me worse. Can't tell any one......I am alone...

 

[Lulupazoola]

There r many things to try on this forum that can help u get your symptoms under control.  You will feel better when that happens.  Depression is a part of almost every breakout I have.  So part of your depression might be from the breakout, or at least making it worse.  Anyway, this is not a good reason to kill yourself.  Read in this forum and make a list of all the things that have worked for other people to control their symptoms.  Start trying a few at a time.  And eventually there will be a cure.  

[lovebean]

you are going to see that it will get better with time.

when i first came here, to this site, i was desperate because i thought my life was irreparable. 

even in an indian family, even with an arranged marriage (if that is the case), you will start to feel better and you will see that how you feel now is very intense and real but also can become MUCH smaller.  i promise, it will become a smaller piece of your world even though right now it seems like your entire world.

please try to relax, you can only live now.  please try to put the future out of your mind because you can NOT know the future, you can only know now and it is going to get easier.  also, what harm does it do to try and let yourself relax?  all that stuff that is still going to be happening whether you choose to relax or not... so, might as well try to relax, please.  also, relaxing will help your body heal.

by the way,  i don't come here anymore.  i haven't been here in a year... i stop in once a year or so to write some mail to some moderators here that took the time to try and help me and i value them and i wanted to say hello.  i saw your subject line and i wanted to share this with you because i know that you are going to feel differently with a little time.  i realize that you can't imagine any of the things that you are thinking in your head changing, but they will.  

i wish you all the best. be good and kind to yourself, it will go a long way.

[#NOSHAMEGANG]

Bro you are more than a person with a virus, I'm sure you have many great quality that define you. I had my first oral outbreak a little over a month ago and because I have a heart valve damaged because I was an IV drug addict for years and it has made my immune system very slow when it comes to fighting bacterial viruses,y outbreak scabbed and fell off leaving a red marks on tge corner of my mouth, tip of my nose and below my eyebrow which turned into impetigo within a week due to no protecting scab and already being damaged, so I've had impetigo now for 3 weeks and it's just now starting to heal very very slowly, I got off drugs and out of rehab beginning of July moved to a new state in the US and haven't touched a needle since june, had sex with one girl, very first girl since febuary, and she gave me herpes that my body has just had the worst time fighting so trust me man I know the pain of feeling like less than you are, and dealing with the stigma herpes comes with but killing yourself isn't the answer. I may not know the answer but i promisr you that's not it. I'm only 20 been on all drugs from 12-17 then 17-19 i started IV'ing heroin and methamphetaminez, I OD 2 times and damaged my body, and walk around everyday with 2 larger injection/track mark scars both about 3/4 of an inch long on top of having to walk around with 3 herpe and impetigo marks that aren't going any way quick at all. I make 7.25 making pizza and walk 2 miles to and 2 miles from work, and I work with the girl who gave me herpes and have to see her everyday and shows no shame. Bro I promise you'll get through all this. We all will. And if you're like me and feel like dating isn't an option I heard there are dating websites for people with the virus who know they have it, when I feel good enough and regain my confidence I plan to try those sights out and I suggest you do the same when you're ready. Best of luck to you buddy, just don't let it define you because a dormant virus in your cells doesn't have anything to do with you as a person, remember that please.

[Roja]

Hey to all of you, especially Raka, 

 

yesterday I found a great TED Talk from Ella Dawson. Check it out! It makes you look at herpes in a totally new way. It is not the end of the world!! :-) 

[raka]

7 hours ago, Roja said:

Hey to all of you, especially Raka, 

 

yesterday I found a great TED Talk from Ella Dawson. Check it out! It makes you look at herpes in a totally new way. It is not the end of the world!! :-) 

 

12 hours ago, #NOSHAMEGANG said:

Bro you are more than a person with a virus, I'm sure you have many great quality that define you. I had my first oral outbreak a little over a month ago and because I have a heart valve damaged because I was an IV drug addict for years and it has made my immune system very slow when it comes to fighting bacterial viruses,y outbreak scabbed and fell off leaving a red marks on tge corner of my mouth, tip of my nose and below my eyebrow which turned into impetigo within a week due to no protecting scab and already being damaged, so I've had impetigo now for 3 weeks and it's just now starting to heal very very slowly, I got off drugs and out of rehab beginning of July moved to a new state in the US and haven't touched a needle since june, had sex with one girl, very first girl since febuary, and she gave me herpes that my body has just had the worst time fighting so trust me man I know the pain of feeling like less than you are, and dealing with the stigma herpes comes with but killing yourself isn't the answer. I may not know the answer but i promisr you that's not it. I'm only 20 been on all drugs from 12-17 then 17-19 i started IV'ing heroin and methamphetaminez, I OD 2 times and damaged my body, and walk around everyday with 2 larger injection/track mark scars both about 3/4 of an inch long on top of having to walk around with 3 herpe and impetigo marks that aren't going any way quick at all. I make 7.25 making pizza and walk 2 miles to and 2 miles from work, and I work with the girl who gave me herpes and have to see her everyday and shows no shame. Bro I promise you'll get through all this. We all will. And if you're like me and feel like dating isn't an option I heard there are dating websites for people with the virus who know they have it, when I feel good enough and regain my confidence I plan to try those sights out and I suggest you do the same when you're ready. Best of luck to you buddy, just don't let it define you because a dormant virus in your cells doesn't have anything to do with you as a person, remember that please.

 

20 hours ago, lovebean said:

you are going to see that it will get better with time.

when i first came here, to this site, i was desperate because i thought my life was irreparable. 

even in an indian family, even with an arranged marriage (if that is the case), you will start to feel better and you will see that how you feel now is very intense and real but also can become MUCH smaller.  i promise, it will become a smaller piece of your world even though right now it seems like your entire world.

please try to relax, you can only live now.  please try to put the future out of your mind because you can NOT know the future, you can only know now and it is going to get easier.  also, what harm does it do to try and let yourself relax?  all that stuff that is still going to be happening whether you choose to relax or not... so, might as well try to relax, please.  also, relaxing will help your body heal.

by the way,  i don't come here anymore.  i haven't been here in a year... i stop in once a year or so to write some mail to some moderators here that took the time to try and help me and i value them and i wanted to say hello.  i saw your subject line and i wanted to share this with you because i know that you are going to feel differently with a little time.  i realize that you can't imagine any of the things that you are thinking in your head changing, but they will.  

i wish you all the best. be good and kind to yourself, it will go a long way.

 

22 hours ago, Lulupazoola said:

There r many things to try on this forum that can help u get your symptoms under control.  You will feel better when that happens.  Depression is a part of almost every breakout I have.  So part of your depression might be from the breakout, or at least making it worse.  Anyway, this is not a good reason to kill yourself.  Read in this forum and make a list of all the things that have worked for other people to control their symptoms.  Start trying a few at a time.  And eventually there will be a cure.  

Thanks for all the support I don't know how i should cope or divert or never think about the virus it's rotating every time in my mind and making me depressed everytime I think about it and I feel like suicide and the symptoms aren't fully gone it's still red and the itchy I don't have any visible sores it's on the urethra when I open the tip of penis it's red and itchy and I feel week my joints and body. Don't know if I live I have to leave with these symptoms every day I can't live my life like this everyday it's killing me

[SlowEmotionReplay]

I don’t know if this will help you (but I hope it helps a little).  

 

I got diagnosed in 2012 and I had only my 3rd outbreak in 6 years earlier this week.  And my healing time was less than half of my first outbreak.  

 

Hang in there.  I was DEVASTATED when I first got diagnosed. It gets much easier to cope. 

[Quest]

It won't stay that intense! You need rest you need to keep your stress level down in this does not help it the more you get upset the more you will break out! Can you go into meditation or keep yourself busy? It probably needs to be a guided meditation because it is probably very difficult to get a clear mind! If you want I will help you find a meditation

[raka]

10 hours ago, SlowEmotionReplay said:

I don’t know if this will help you (but I hope it helps a little).  

 

I got diagnosed in 2012 and I had only my 3rd outbreak in 6 years earlier this week.  And my healing time was less than half of my first outbreak.  

 

Hang in there.  I was DEVASTATED when I first got diagnosed. It gets much easier to cope. 

What medications you use/used?

7 hours ago, Quest said:

It won't stay that intense! You need rest you need to keep your stress level down in this does not help it the more you get upset the more you will break out! Can you go into meditation or keep yourself busy? It probably needs to be a guided meditation because it is probably very difficult to get a clear mind! If you want I will help you find a meditation

Please can you help me

[raka]

I don't know how to fight this I am crying every day not able to eat and I have started little pain in my heart. I am feared alone in the world. I feel I am worst person. One mistake all my life was gone. I had many dreams in my life and my future all are gone now If i think about future only fear is rotating in my mind.

Why why why

 

[Roja]

Raka, 

 

PLEASE calm down. Everything will be okay. You are okay, life will be okay. 

Again, have in mind the high number of people who have the virus. The WHO estimates that about 80 % (!!!!) of the people have Typ-1, which can be on your lips, ears, nose or on your genitals. 

So even if you would have had sex with someone WITH protection, you might have caught it. 

Why should you not be able to realise your dreams? You are still the same person, the only thing that changed is that you now sometimes have a skin conditions from time to time. 

Is there any doctor or psychologist close to you whom you could talk with? I think that would definitely help a lot! But remember: EVERYTHING is okay. It is just Herpes. 

[healthyandhappy]

This virus is inconvenient only.  It will not keep you from achieving what you want in the future.  I lost my sister to suicide in 2011.  If you are still having suicidal thoughts please reach out to a suicide hotline or call a loved one.  I know the idea is crazy but you must have one person that you can trust.  Potentially try telling them about your diagnosis.  It helped me to share with someone.  Suicide is a very definite end to something that I have been able to manage through medication.  I have been able to have a healthy relationship without giving it to my ex boyfriend.  

[raka]

Thanks,

I told my bestfriend in India about my situation right now. Although he doesn't have any knowledge about these virus he is helping me in handling. Feel some relief after sharing with him. But can't share this to parents or future partner. Have to die this secret with in me. The thought of cheating and marrying a girl is killing me but I have to go that way. In india no one will marry me if i say i have this disease and I don't believe in God but sincerely asking God to give me and all others who are suffering with disease a cure soon.

[raka]

Everyone praise me Intelligent and smart I am topper of my class on my Master's, I am doing a good job with good pay. I never thought in my life I would be facing these situations it is really hard and I am trying slowly my suicidal thoughts are decreasing and I am fighting with my mind that I want to live. Though i will be cheater in my partner(who I don't know yet- arranged marriage) life hiding this secret from her before marriage I will be sharing my love with her and make her to be happy that's what I can do and i don't want to transmit this virus to her - still i am feared of this. And my parents they are everything to me now and future and i don't want them to suffer from my mistake.

Lastly I don't know how to prevent outbreaks I didn't yet thought of this so can you help me what foods I need to eat more. Though right now i am not eating much because loss of appetite but i do wanna be healthy as long as I live. And try to eat more. As a Indian I used to eat more spicy foods meats - chicken and lamb so I need to cut this off? I don't drink or smoke- never did it. But also can someone help how to increase my appetite too

My blood test for hsv2 igg.2.49. I tried herpesblitzprotocol but didn't work as I am having outbreak when I tried it.

Can anyone let me know how to prevent outbreaks.

Did anyone tried ayurveda or homeopathy I contacted them they say to take treatment for 8-12 months and virus will be dormant for rest of the life and some nigeria guys saying they will be curing me with herbal medicine I don't trust these Nigerian stuff but somewhere in my mind asking me to try. But I know it's a waste of money. But wanna try homeopathy or ayurveda

Edited November 8, 2018 by raka

[Quest]

Nigeria is bad news. You will find a lot of people pretending to be the doctors and saying to hit me up on Instagram or Gmail and all of that is a scam!

Go on YouTube and get yourself a guided meditation.

I wish I would have tried St John's Wort with BHT mixed in oil when I first started I think I would have had a lot less suffering. There is a free book on BHT. Do not under any circumstances take large doses stay under 1 gram

[Roja]

Quote

Everyone praise me Intelligent and smart I am topper of my class on my Master's, I am doing a good job with good pay.

YOU STILL ARE THAT PERSON. Raka! Nothing changed and your future wife will love you because you are smart and caring. 

I know the first time can be so, so hard. But it will get better, believe me. 

Maybe you can talk with your doctor about your recent outbreak. Otherwise relax! It will go away. 

[Michgirl73]

On 11/9/2018 at 2:04 AM, Quest said:

Nigeria is bad news. You will find a lot of people pretending to be the doctors and saying to hit me up on Instagram or Gmail and all of that is a scam!

Go on YouTube and get yourself a guided meditation.

I wish I would have tried St John's Wort with BHT mixed in oil when I first started I think I would have had a lot less suffering. There is a free book on BHT. Do not under any circumstances take large doses stay under 1 gram

What’s the mix and the oils? 

[Quest]

On 11/21/2018 at 5:34 PM, Michgirl73 said:

What’s the mix and the oils? 

Quote

Steve had problems with people who tried to dissolve it without letting it sit in oil. I would guess that those are the people who do not have enough hydrochloric acid in their stomach. 

 Recipe for (one gram BHT1000 mg)

5Tablespoons plus 1t of liquid coconut oil or MCT Coconut oil and 2 teaspoons of BHT take one and one eighth teaspoon of this solution. I am guessing if you use coconut oil it needs to be heated in a chart with water surrounding it in a pan. I didn't like the idea of heating it at all because I didn't want to break down the BHT. 

Warning: do not take any more than one gram because it will temporarily tax the kidneys. Which will return to normal when you start taking less than one gram.

Also Steve F said to take St John's Wort with it. 0.3% hypericin. Both of them work differently to take out the outer lipid layer of HSV. One man wrote him and told him that he was having constant outbreaks and he told him to look into thyroid problems. I noticed you were taking ashwagandha and that relieves thyroid problems for some people.

BHT  there is also a larger size on Amazon  https://www.amazon.com/MakingCosmetics-BHT-4-4oz-125g/dp/B01DE780OS/ref=sr_1_cc_6_a_it?s=aps&ie=UTF8&qid=1542449666&sr=1-6-catcorr&keywords=BHT+bulk

St John's wort:   https://www.amazon.com/NOW-St-Johns-Wort-Capsules/dp/B0013OSSBA/ref=sr_1_8_s_it?s=hpc&ie=UTF8&qid=1542448800&sr=1-8&keywords=st+johns+wort

 

The  free BHT book/ by Steven Wm. Fowkes: http://www.projectwellbeing.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/02/BHTbook-StevenWmFowkes-100903.pdf

25 years ago, BHT shown to inactivate HerpesVirus: https://leifgrunseth.com/25-years-ago-bht-shown-to-inactivate-herpes-virus/

 

Edited November 23, 2018 by Quest

[Michgirl73]

15 hours ago, Quest said:

 

Is this ingested?

[Quest]

6 hours ago, Michgirl73 said:

Is this ingested?

Yes, please read the free book. You will take half for less than two hundred pounds.