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lilyray123

I need help :( - here is my story

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lilyray123

Hi, i’m really new to this and don’t know what to do also very hesitant to be putting this out there i’m not fully comfortable or accepting of anything that’s happened so far. here is my story. So i’m with someone, we aren’t dating but i’ve been talking to him for about 4 months soon to be 5 in november. 3 Days ago my doctor told me i have herpes and its from the person i’m with right now. i’ve only been with one other person and i was checked after them. i’m petrified and scared because yes i’m on medicine but do i tell him all of this is happening? I know 100% he gave it to me but how on earth do i break the news to someone that they have it. i’m so scared of so many things my mind is racing. should i not even tell him? im in college and at a very small school if this gets around my reputation will be ruined, i feel like my life will be over. I’ll ask him not to say anything but how can i trust him? What if he tried to blame it on me out of being in shock? he also has an ex that’s been trying to break us up (honestly i don’t know when the last time they had sex was) but what if he tells her he has herpes out of respect for her? then this crazy girl will soon after spread it to the entire world. I also don’t want to wait to long i’m just so confued. can i get oral herpes now too? i have so many questions and don’t get my official results back until 2 weeks from now. i really hope someone can give me advice thank you

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WilsoInAus

Absolutely do nothing until you get the test results.

Why did you test? Why did the doctor say that? What specific tests did you have done? 

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lilyray123

okay thank you so much, and Well i had what looked like an infection and he’s the best doctor where i live so he was sure it was herpes. he swabbed it and took my blood and i find out for sure what kind it is on the 12th.

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WilsoInAus

Great you got the swab, some doctors don’t for some reason. Visual diagnoses are not more than 75% accurate, even in the eyes of an expert.

Many cultures though are not correctly typed. So ask the doc the result of the immunofluorescent antibody test if the swab is positive. If they didn’t, ask them to apply it to the sample they have.

I’m not clear, are you having vagina/oral sex with this current guy you’re not dating??

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infoguy123

Hi,

I don't know if this is the best advice, and I don't know how much you know about testing, but you could get a type specific IGG and  IGM test now. If this is a new infection, then the IGM should be positive and the IGG should be negative. You can keep those results in your back pocket as proof that you are not the "giver". 

Then say to the guy that you think you should both get tested for all std's(including herpes). Use what ever excuse..like it's advice your aunt gave you and that you should have done it sooner...Or that you want to start taking the pill and not use condoms so that you can feel him ejaculate inside you, so you want to get tested to be on the safe side(I'm sure that would get him to the clinic asap lol). 

I know that second part is a pretty dishonest way to go about it, but it is a way to make sure he gets tested and then everyone knows wha'ts what. It's what I wished I'd done because my "giver" ended up blocking me when I begged her to go to the doctor...different situation though, her english was bad and I probably freaked her out.

At least get that IGG IGM test done though(which your doc has probably already done, but double check) so you can say it's a new infection for you when you talk to the guy

 

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lilyray123
24 minutes ago, WilsoInAus said:

Great you got the swab, some doctors don’t for some reason. Visual diagnoses are not more than 75% accurate, even in the eyes of an expert.

Many cultures though are not correctly typed. So ask the doc the result of the immunofluorescent antibody test if the swab is positive. If they didn’t, ask them to apply it to the sample they have.

I’m not clear, are you having vagina/oral sex with this current guy you’re not dating??

Yes i was but i stopped about 2 weeks ago, from being busy and whatnot but now especially i’m not because he doesn’t know he has it and i’m scared i’m going to get oral herpes too. 

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WilsoInAus

It also means you do need to verify type as it could be HSV-1 from his oral infection or a genital HSV-2 infection. It’s a 50/50 call at present.

He probably already knows if he has HSV-1 or not.

None if this changes the initial advice of do nothing, do nothing until you get your results!

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lilyray123

okay i couldn’t thank you enough! also i’m a little confused (sorry everything’s a little overwhelming) so do you think he knows he has is or it depends if it’s 1 or 2. also if it’s type 2 does that mean he can’t give it to me orally? also are my results going to be what he has as well. 

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WilsoInAus

Type 1 and type 2 are distinct if similar viruses. A person who passes type 1 means that the recipient has the. type 1 no matter where on the body it is contracted.

there are many possibilities, say in general there is about a 1 in 3 chance he doesn’t know he has herpes (such as a childhood oral HSV-1 infection but no living memory of an outbreak).

lets try not to go too far ahead into possibilities which will all fall into place in time.

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      Ikr! I’ll have guys be like “oh yeah you’re right, you’re not gross or less valuable but it is a deal breaker” I don’t really blame them (because I am still coming to terms with it being “not a big deal”) 
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      It's very possible he or you were mostly a carrier. Neither one of you have to have sores all you have to do is shed.
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