Jump to content
World's Largest Herpes Support Group
speechless_1

Its official... and I'm broken

Recommended Posts

speechless_1

Well i got the swab results back and they confirmed the visual diagnosis.  Positive for HSV 2.  I knew the visual diagnosis was right i was kidding myself that the swabs might throw a spanner in the works.  Wishful thinking right!

Just told the guy that I've been with. He's doing a disappearing act - to have a think.  He knew i was waiting on the the results but he thought it wouldn't be Herpes (i had an outbreak while with him). He's going to get tested but i know i know i wont hear from him in 'that way' again.  Who knows if it was me or him who passed it. Ive ordered a blood test but that really wont change a thing.  

The heartbreaking thing is he is the first guy I've let in and liked and who has liked me.  He's a good guy.  Now I've given him herpes or he's given them to me.  I was finally in a good place...  then wham!!!! 

Fuck I'm sat here drinking prosecco feeling sorry for me.... crying every 5 mins.  

Had to call Dr today and ask for more aciclovir and he was so sympathetic... that made me feel like crying.  I'm at the end - hopefully - of my first outbreak.  Flu symptoms, horrible hip and leg pain, weeping sores, vaginal discharge, excruciating pain, pain to walk, tiredness... what the hell does this throw at you!  I had no idea this does this to you. 

Anyway, hello, I'm newly diagnosed with this and I'm hurting, physically and mentally.  xx

 

Edited by speechless_1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
imtryingmybest

I just got diagnosed as well. I'm completely heartbroken, and I have no idea who gave it to me. I have no idea how to tell these people. I guess I understand how hard it's been, I had/have all the same symptoms. We'll learn and grow and find which people will accept us as we are, each day is new and we always make it to tomorrow. It's never the end. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Hopingimwrong

I'm 39, and no official diagnosis yet, but what else is causing these fire spots in my crotch?? :( Doctor visually thinks that's what it is too.

I've never had an std in my life, and made it to nearly 40. Then get THIS one. 

My boyfriend of 2 months (whom I'm pretty sure I got it from,) swears hes never had any symptoms. I'm coming down from 2 weeks of HIGH fever, 4 missed days of work, 3 different doctors prescribing me all kinds of crap. Finally got the valtrex yesterday, but all it's done has made my once only tender spots turn into pricks of fire. 

Does anyone know if outbreaks happen in the same spot every time? Mine is all spread out. One at the top on the outside, one in the middle on the inside, and a couple right at the bottom. Those hurt the least. 

I'm trying to accept this new reality of mine, but its hard. At least my boyfriend feels guilty and isnt leaving me, even if hes negative. (Ive heard I could have been carrying it for a while......)

 

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
speechless_1

@imtryingmybest thanks for the support and positive words.  Its going to be a hard journey but as you say we will find people who will accept us.  x

@RoseBud2255 i can see how this rollercoaster of feelings relates to the 7 stages of grief.  It is like losing my old self.  Your reply has really made sense and given me hope.  Sorry you've had such a hard time with your ex.  This website really is a shining light.  x

@Hopingimwrong snap...Im 41, never had an std then bam... here's herpes!  Im afraid I'm still learning about this so cant offer much advise.  I had a few sores external and internal.  I can still feel the tenderness,  I'm 2 week in to the outbreak and they are no longer burning.  Are you waiting on test results?  x

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Hopingimwrong

No, not technically. I was hoping he would swab but he didn't. They tried to take blood but I was too dehydrated and they couldn't get enough. I will follow up with my gp soon.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
speechless_1
12 hours ago, Hopingimwrong said:

No, not technically. I was hoping he would swab but he didn't. They tried to take blood but I was too dehydrated and they couldn't get enough. I will follow up with my gp soon.

I hope you are feeling a bit better.  

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Hopefullyhopeless

It seems as if we're all in this boat together. I got it from this female after I kissed her. & it is the worst thing ever. I made it 25 years without having contradicting anything. I have oral herpes & the medicine definitely doesn't work.

Thankfully I dont have outbreaks on my lips or none of that.

The biggest outbreak I have had so far is one on my nec & i have a couple tiny ones on both sides. Then i have tiny ones on my chest & a couple near my ribs. 

It is depressing to say the least. There are moments where I'm ok, I'm happy, but then there are moments where I wish I was beneath the world. The only reason I'm still here is because of my mother.

Peace love & happiness. You're not alone.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Hopingimwrong

I am feeling loads better. Thank you! My sores are almost completely gone,  it will have been one week tomorrow from when they first showed up. Not bad for a first outbreak, I'm hearing. Now to just figure out how my body is going to respond. If I only have to deal with this once or twice a year, no biggie. If my body wants to do it 6 or 7 times a year, ima have a problem. Time will tell and I'm trying to not feel like a dirty, infected, worthless person in the meantime. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
speechless_1

@Hopefullyhopeless Peace. love and happiness back at you. Its a rollercoaster of emotions for sure. x

 

@Hopingimwrong so glad you have got better quickly.  We are in the same boat now waiting to see how our body works with this.  Unfortunately I'm still suffering into week 3. x

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
CC912

I was diagnosed in June and super sick in hospital doctors thinking I had meningitis until I found out a week later it was Herpes. I only had a few sores. heartbroken, missed work. So sick. I keep getting outbreaks since then but at least not sick. On Valtrex every day. The initial shock is better now but I’m so mad wondering who gave it to me? Like I want to go punch them In the face. But most confusing thing is my boyfriend who I’ve been with for over a year doesn’t have it. So can you really not get an outbreak for years later? I’m constantly wondering this. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

  • The Hive is Thriving!

    • Total Topics
      69,338
    • Total Posts
      466,617
  • Posts

    • TCBH
      You don't put it down there. you put it on your arm. 
    • luvurself16
      I got hsv from a police officer. Sickos out there.
    • Toro
      I am 44 and I have active herpes in both of my eyes.Only Amenalief helps.
    • Jayne
      I know this thread is a couple of years old, but it’s been helpful to me, and I wanted to contribute as well. Back to Berliner’s original post, I’ve tested negative on several IGGs, with the latest ones being 1 yr and now almost 2 years past exposure.  Figuring out what was going on was the worst nightmare I’ve ever been through in my life. I made the mistake of drinking heavily a week after my father died of cancer, and I had unprotected AS with an ex, who happened to be poly and had some occasional unprotected M2M encounters.   Three days later I had a red line rash along my (sorry to get explicit) crack. This was followed by a rectal burning. Tested negative for G&C and related tests.  Over the next couple of weeks I had severe swelling and discomfort in my lower right quadrant and was told to go to the ER, where (I guess as a standard practice) they did a cat scan, which revealed nothing.  Also not a bacterial infection.  However the repeated manual examinations that occurred at urgent care and the ER seemed to relieve the abdominal pressure over the next few days.  I then had diarrhea for the next several weeks after.  I developed what felt like internal hemorrhoids, which were exacerbated by the diarrhea, and a gastro doctor confirmed via digital exam that there was indeed some sort of mass that felt like possible hemorrhoids. He ordered a sigmoidoscopy, but by the time it was undertaken, whatever was there was gone. After the procedure though, I felt much better for a while, possibly due to digestive issues clearing up after the colon “cleanse.” But this was concurrent with other issues.   About 3 weeks after the encounter I developed a large rash on my left thigh. Shortly thereafter I started having light sensitivity issues, culminating in a fever-like state after being outside in the sun only for 15 minutes after work. At work around that time for a couple days I felt like I was going through life encased in a gauzy gel- similar to being on laughing gas at the dentist, but not in a good way. I didn’t know what the hell was happening to me. I developed a severe case of canker sores for about a day. Later during a sunny drive, after getting back in the car at a gas station I noticed a red blotch below my lip. I tried to shrug it off but it happened again on the trip back.  So by about a month after the encounter I was having more anxiety. I spent the night at a friend’s house and woke up with a massive, swollen red eye and swollen lips. I got eye drops for bacterial conjunctivitis but that was wishful thinking.  A couple of weeks later, my lips were covered in sores. I smothered them with abreva. By the next day, they had mostly gone away. I tried to do a swab test at urgent care (I believe it was the next day), but there was not enough there to make any sort of positive diagnosis. Since then, I’ve had what you could call repeated aborted lesions and red blotches that appear around my mouth, particularly after stress and alcohol consumption. But even having peanut butter or chocolate would set it off for a long time. Fair skin doesn’t help- there was no hiding it. Two months after the encounter, I had my first vaginal burning- it was pretty intense and I had to use ice cubes because I didn’t know what else to do.   The worse feeling though was the periodic flare-ups of rectal itching/burning, often accompanied by another red line rash. It made sitting uncomfortable for about the next two months. I couldn’t wear pants at work- only skirts seemed to make things somewhat less irritated. And for the first three months, I was still testing for HIV along with HSV because of the overlapping symptoms (rash, diarrhea, neural pain, severe flu like symptoms without fever). I lost a lot of weight and had panic attacks. On top of all this I had just moved to a new city and started a new job and didn’t have a support network. And the sad thing is, I had to deal with all of this instead of being able to grieve for my father and being a better source of support to my mother. She had to support me without understanding what was happening.   Another bad thing through all of this was having both my ex and my current partner treat me like I’m crazy. That makes me feel alone and in the dark. Another “hysterical woman.” F*** that.  And while I felt grateful that my current was at the time still ready to be with me even if I had hsv, it’s a little discomfiting that he still doesn’t really believe me. But I’ve learned to live with ambiguity. And now I’m used to doctors as well as partners acting like this is nonexistent. Especially with negative IGG tests even 2 years later, which have left me without any answers.  I’m lucky in a way to be able to blend in because I don’t get obvious sores, genitally or orally (I can cover up the blotches with concealer, and they fortunately have lessened in frequency). But I still get the rectal itching/burning every six months or so (anthistamines seem to alleviate it a bit). And as more of a concern, I’ve had a cramp in my lower right quadrant ever since, which feels like it’s in my digestive tract. Since this has pretty much spread everywhere else in my body, intestinal involvement wouldn’t surprise me, and it isn’t unheard of anyways. I’ve tried to move past this and have since gotten married to my partner, who is a source of support (even if he doesn’t believe I’m having health problems. I know that’s a contradiction but occasionally I want to believe that too.).  I’m also newly pregnant, and symptoms have started to flare up again somewhat. I’m sure this will be an adventure. Hopefully more good than crazy. I know I’m going to struggle with the fear of passing this along but I’m trying to reconcile what doctors say (which is that it is extremely rare) with my own intuition about what I need to be careful of. Maybe I’ll repost with an update down the road. In short, there are people out there who test negative and have to live with loved ones and doctors thinking that a negative test closes the book on this. Again, learning to live with ambiguity is a real life lesson that I’m still coming to grips with. This forum and specifically this post have been a source of comfort that I haven’t been able to find elsewhere. Thanks everyone for the support for the community.     
    • Rockster
      You deepthroat so good that you get all kinds of mouth-to-skin-of-base contact? Kudos to you, but that is extremely rare. 
×

Important Information

We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue.