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optimismiskey

Confused About Transmission

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optimismiskey

I have been HSV-2 positive for a year and a half now. I am an attractive 24 year old who has a great life and a lot to be thankful for (I realize this now more than I did before becoming positive with HSV). This is my first time posting on one of these websites.

I got HSV from a guy I was in a serious relationship with who did not know he was infected. I have not had many partners in my life and also do not have casual sex. This is a huge blow to someone who has not slept with many people and catches something like this while in a serious relationship with a person they trust. He said he had been tested for STDs and everything was negative. This obviously was not the case. I tried to stay in the relationship with this guy since I knew he did not give me an STD on purpose, but it was too hard. I needed some time to heal and find my self-esteem again.

Now it has been a year and a half and I am in a relationship with an amazing guy who I really care about. I told him my status about 3 months into the relationship (we had not had sex yet) and he said that it was not my fault and that he still cares about me just as much as he did before I told him.

We did end up having sex a few weeks later for the first time and used a condom (he also kept his boxers on in an effort to try and cover everything). I now read on this site that asymptomatic viral shedding can occur from the waist to the thighs and I have to say this is very discouraging news to me. I don't see how I will ever be able to have a normal sex life again without a constant state of anxiety in the back of my mind. I really care about this guy and the last thing I want to do is to give him an STD.

I guess my question is...what would you say the chance is of someone catching herpes when a condom is used. I have only had one outbreak which was very mild and also mis-diagnosed by the doctor at first.

Is it possible for him to get it just from touching me in intimate ways?

Any insight or experiences are appreciated.

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    • Quest
      When I broke out/ shed it usually was on my backside left side, my  upper crack or back right below the belt! Doggy style is my absolute favorite position which makes him very vulnerable! I think there definitely is an advantage to wearing some sexy clothes or latex! Or even the liquid gloves. I think the biggest problem is that people shave now and they nick and cut themselves! That leads them open for infection on any part of the boxer area!  
    • WilsoInAus
      I’d build on this to say that the volume of virus is critical. It has been observed that shedding instances where there are 10^7 virions are required for a pragmatic chance to actually get through the skin and it’s natural defences. Most shedding instances are well below this threshold. I’d also suggest that for many asymptomatic transmissions, most of the virus comes to the surface during the sexual act itself. So little point testing beforehand.
    • floydmonk
      Thank you for sharing that. Very resourceful.
    • Cas9
      I wasn't following the conversation closely, but yes, all that matters in terms of being contagious is if the virus makes it to the skin.
    • yadayadayadayada
      @Cas9 isn't that a "technicality"? From the sound of it this means that on a cellular level there is a daily battle but at the end of the day the virus can't transmit until it is present on the skin... right? I mean the question will still be: how many days is the virus present and transmittable. The mechanism (the technicality) is important but also not important... but I could be wrong, just trying to interpret. 
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