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I have had a monogamous relationship for the last 6 years.  I did not have Herpes before the relationship.  My partner recently had an outbreak on the buttocks and was diagnosed with HSV2 about 2 months ago.  She said it was the first outbreak She had ever had.

She has been taking valacyclovir for the last 2 months and we were intimate for the first time in about 4 months about a week ago.  Now I have an outbreak on my upper lip.  I read that this is not impossible, but rare.

I wanted to ask others opinions on how HSV2 works, as I cannot help but find the situation really strange.  I totally understand that HSV2 can lie dormant for years, displaying no symptoms.  My partner says She has not been unfaithful, and I decided to believe her.  However, with this outbreak, a new doubt crept in, as I think it's really odd I would get an outbreak a week after being intimate, knowing I didn't have this before our relationship.

I would appreciate hearing if this is possible, I love my partner and can't bear the doubt, but also don't want to feel I might be being blind.

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I think the most important point to note is that the unexpected presence of herpes is not evidence of infidelity. There are just too many feasible alternatives and explanations that do not involve infidelity for it to feature highly in your thinking.

I can also suggest that a herpes lesion on the butt cheek is almost always a recurrent outbreak in a person who has had the virus quite some time, potentially decades!

There could be some guesswork going here as well so let's get a few more facts in the table. 

How was your wife's lesion diagnosed as HSV-2 as opposed to say shingles or HSV-1?

What herpes testing, meaning for IgG antibodies, can you confirm that you and your wife had in the past? These must be test results on paper that you have or can get from your doctors.

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So a conversation brought out some truth this evening.  My wife said that She had been diagnosed for HSV2 17 years ago, and having not seen recurrent issues, had neglected to say anything when we met.

It makes some kind of sense of it all.  She also admitted She lied when I asked if She had had symptoms before, including in the time we have been together.

I still find it weird that I have an outbreak now, 1 week after being intimate for the first time in a long time.  Surely I would have it by default after years of being together?

I guess I now just relax into the pain and doubt that this new light throws on things.  I believe her that She has not cheated, but feel a whole load of doubt seeing it all from this vantage point.

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It does all make sense regarding your wife.

Note that it is not at all a 100% chance you have HSV-2. About half of all couples in your position will not transfer the virus in a lifetime together.

I’m not sure your position is fully clear. Many oral issues have caused other than herpes, such as staph.

Even If herpes, then the most rational explanation is that you have an oral HSV-1 infection.

With couples, outbreaks at similar times are not too coincidental. Often you are both under similar stresses, exposure to the environment, diet etc. such that if the conditions are enough for an outbreak for one person, they’d be enough for the other.

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One thing I would like to add:  When I was diagnosed yearssss ago, my primary care physician promised me that is would be absolutely impossible for me to transfer the virus without an active outbreak present.  

He went on to explain he had oral HSV1 and has yet to transfer the virus of 25 years as proof of his promise  

Obviously, much has been learned since that time.  Perhaps she had been told the same and with few recurrences believed her status was a moot point?  

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Try a Lysine supplement for cold sores

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    • WilsoInAus
      No the red bumps don’t suggest herpes on their own. Please obtain the test :)
    • Henson8675309
      Thank you for getting back to me! Even the tiny red dots/bumps very close to the clitoris look fine? And maybe my symptoms are cause by my anciety? I haven't gotten any type of herpes test done tbh I'm terrified to do so but I know it needs to be done 
    • Anon222
      Did you have a genital outbreak? Did you have any testing done (swab, igg blood test?) From my understanding self inoculation is very rare and very unlikely if you have had HSV-1 since childhood. I don’t think you transferred your oral HSV-1 infection to yourself genitally. 
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