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Lainey

Years with genital herpes, but never asked many ?s

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Lainey

Hi. I've never participated in a genital herpes forum, but realized that after many years with the condition, I've never asked key questions. Never really had to, but now I'm curious.

I caught genital herpes from my husband (then boyfriend), who got it from his first wife. My husband (then boyfriend or even perhaps fiance) never told me he had herpes until I complained about sores on my genitals. He looked at them and then confessed he had it and likely passed it on to me. He was lucky I already loved him dearly, so didn't really get mad at him for not saying anything. He said he didn't think I'd get it since it was not "active" during our sex. I went to my gynecologist and just looking at it she said it was surely genital herpes. She did test it (Ouch!) and her initial diagnosis was confirmed.

My husband only has flare ups of his genital herpes perhaps 4-6 times per year. I have it even less often, and oddly almost always as a rash on my butt. He always gets it on his genitals. In fact, since my first signs of genital herpes (initially on my genitals), I've only ever experienced the flare ups on my genitals a couple of times over the last 23 years. It's always the rash on my butt, and on the same side. Both my husband and I take 1 gram pills of Valtrex "as needed" only. The rash on my butt usually disappears quickly if I start the Valtrex quickly. I usually only need to take the Valtrex for about 1 to 1.5 weeks for it to completely disappear without a trace. I wonder, if I had sex with a man without herpes, would he be just as vulnerable at getting it if he had no contact with the rash on my butt? When I get the rash, there is usually never any signs of it on my genitals.

Under normal circumstances, I would not even be thinking about sex with another man. I love my husband dearly, and plan to spend the rest of our lives together. However, my husband has had severe ED for a number of years now. He's almost 14 years older than me. We've lived with that situation, but I wonder about the possibility in the future of having some sexual relationship (namely intercourse) with another man, either with an understanding of it being casual, or if anything ever split my husband and I. I know then that I would need to communicate my situation with genital herpes. It's a real bummer (no reference to my butt rash), that I got this stupid herpes basically from my husband's first wife. C'est la vie! However, unlike my husband, I know I should be honest with any future other sexual partners.

 

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Cas9
2 hours ago, Lainey said:

Hi. I've never participated in a genital herpes forum, but realized that after many years with the condition, I've never asked key questions. Never really had to, but now I'm curious.

I caught genital herpes from my husband (then boyfriend), who got it from his first wife. My husband (then boyfriend or even perhaps fiance) never told me he had herpes until I complained about sores on my genitals. He looked at them and then confessed he had it and likely passed it on to me. He was lucky I already loved him dearly, so didn't really get mad at him for not saying anything. He said he didn't think I'd get it since it was not "active" during our sex. I went to my gynecologist and just looking at it she said it was surely genital herpes. She did test it (Ouch!) and her initial diagnosis was confirmed.

My husband only has flare ups of his genital herpes perhaps 4-6 times per year. I have it even less often, and oddly almost always as a rash on my butt. He always gets it on his genitals. In fact, since my first signs of genital herpes (initially on my genitals), I've only ever experienced the flare ups on my genitals a couple of times over the last 23 years. It's always the rash on my butt, and on the same side. Both my husband and I take 1 gram pills of Valtrex "as needed" only. The rash on my butt usually disappears quickly if I start the Valtrex quickly. I usually only need to take the Valtrex for about 1 to 1.5 weeks for it to completely disappear without a trace. I wonder, if I had sex with a man without herpes, would he be just as vulnerable at getting it if he had no contact with the rash on my butt? When I get the rash, there is usually never any signs of it on my genitals.

Under normal circumstances, I would not even be thinking about sex with another man. I love my husband dearly, and plan to spend the rest of our lives together. However, my husband has had severe ED for a number of years now. He's almost 14 years older than me. We've lived with that situation, but I wonder about the possibility in the future of having some sexual relationship (namely intercourse) with another man, either with an understanding of it being casual, or if anything ever split my husband and I. I know then that I would need to communicate my situation with genital herpes. It's a real bummer (no reference to my butt rash), that I got this stupid herpes basically from my husband's first wife. C'est la vie! However, unlike my husband, I know I should be honest with any future other sexual partners.

 

I don't know what the rash on your butt looks like so I have no opinion as to whether it's herpes. My point is ~ Are you sure it's herpes? Just because you have it on your genitals doesn't mean the butt rash is hsv. You should determine if it is via a swab.

Assuming it is, then yes, you can transfer it to a partner if the rash comes directly in contact with him. Of course where it touches him and for how long, will affect the likelihood of infection. Where it touches him makes a difference because the thicker the skin, the less likely the virus will get through. And of course the longer his body part is in contact with the virus the greater chance of infection. These are general guidelines.

The fact that you have it genitally, means you can pass it on even if you're not having an OB, because you could be shedding the virus.  The chances of infecting him during shedding are less than during an active OB but certainly still possible. The anti-viral you take and his use of a condom will greatly reduce the chances of infection.

@Joey1987

Great response Joey; I'm sure that's what Lainey wanted to hear; NOT!

Edited by Cas9

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whatsuph

To answer your question, Symptoms occurring or not, there’s still a chance it can be passed on. 

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Lainey

Yes, the rash on my buttocks is herpes. Though not super common, you can certainly find references to genital herpes causing rashes on the buttocks or lower back.

I was pretty certain about the risks of spreading herpes, but it is a bummer. As I wrote in another thread, c'est la vie. Thanks to my husband's first wife. Also, though I love my hubby dearly, it would have been good if he had told me about the herpes. He was under the impression that it was only a risk to pass on if it was "active". Or at least that's what he told me. Anyway, I would have likely stayed with him anyway. I hope that gives single people hope.

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Cas9
5 hours ago, Lainey said:

Yes, the rash on my buttocks is herpes. Though not super common, you can certainly find references to genital herpes causing rashes on the buttocks or lower back.

I was pretty certain about the risks of spreading herpes, but it is a bummer. As I wrote in another thread, c'est la vie. Thanks to my husband's first wife. Also, though I love my hubby dearly, it would have been good if he had told me about the herpes. He was under the impression that it was only a risk to pass on if it was "active". Or at least that's what he told me. Anyway, I would have likely stayed with him anyway. I hope that gives single people hope.

Why do you say the butt rash is herpes? I'm quite aware that you can get it there; That doesn't mean that's what you have there. My point is that you may be assuming it's hsv because of the timing of your infection and because it's reoccurring. There are other skin conditions that could do that.  I just want you to be certain; After all, do you want to assume it's hsv for years when it never really was. Like I said, I don't know what it looks like and you haven't indicated whether your doctor looked at the rash and said it was hsv.

Edited by Cas9

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Roja
11 hours ago, Lainey said:

Yes, the rash on my buttocks is herpes. Though not super common, you can certainly find references to genital herpes causing rashes on the buttocks or lower back.

I was pretty certain about the risks of spreading herpes, but it is a bummer. As I wrote in another thread, c'est la vie. Thanks to my husband's first wife. Also, though I love my hubby dearly, it would have been good if he had told me about the herpes. He was under the impression that it was only a risk to pass on if it was "active". Or at least that's what he told me. Anyway, I would have likely stayed with him anyway. I hope that gives single people hope.

Quote

He was under the impression that it was only a risk to pass on if it was "active". 

Believe it or not, that was what my DOCTOR years ago was telling me too. -_- 

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Lulupazoola

My breakouts have always been in a small area of my buttock too. I have never been tested.  Ive brought this up to 5 drs and none of them suggested it.  They will prescribe drugs for it but dont even test for it.  I am in a rare period of no breakouts but thought id try to hunt down a gynecologist who does this kind of thing hopefully and get a blood test.  Or ask my disinterested primary care dr to write me a script for one.

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