Hsv1, genital. Who gave this to me? Help

[Arrabella 1]

Hello, im new here & ive been diagnosed with herpes 1 on my genitals today. For about 4 days the symptoms were getting worse to the point where i knew i had it. Swollen vagina, lesions that were wet looking & oozing yellow watery fluid. I could hardly walk & still cant. The pain is horrendous. Anyway, to my question. Im very confused, & i know there is no way i can tell who i got it off. After my 4 year relationship, i was saddened & i wanted to do anything to get my mind off him. Less then a year later, i began seeing a guy in march this year. We had a sexual relationship, we had sex, gave each other oral, kissed. ( sorry for the details but its relevant) i only saw him about 6 times in the 3 months we were seeing each other. Anyway, after that ended, i did end up with thrush & bacterial vaginosis. & on and off the opening around my vagina was red and irritatable. I was tested over and over again during the year nothing came up. I began seeing a new guy, who i like very much. So i thought id test myself again to be sure before starting a relationship. 2 weeks ago, My doctor did a swab & a urine test to cancel out herpes. It came back negative. I was beyond happy. Now, this is where it gets confusing. Seeing this guy, both having feelings for each other we had sex with protection & 2 days later i gave him oral sex . & that is all we have done. Protected sex, he fingered me,  i gave him oral sex & we have kissed alot. Now, a week later after that, that is when i began getting those symtoms & it was getting worse everyday. Today i found out that i do indeed have hsv 1 & i am petrified telling my new boy. It is early & i dont know how he will react either. + he knows everyone in my area so if it ever gets out i dont know how i will live with myself knowing people know i have this. Its not something to be ashamed about, but the whole social stigma about it makes me worry. Im really upset about it & crying while im writing this. My doctor didnt really tell me any info even after i asked. But because i have hsv1 on my genitals does that mean its not on my mouth & im fine to kiss? I was thinking continuing to see him for a few weeks & if its something special i will tell him... but im just wondering if kissing is okay.. + could i have got this of him? Any info or opinions would be grately appreciated. Thank you 

[WilsoInAus 2,327]

Hey @Arrabella let’s see what we can sort out here.

Do you have a printout of all the tests you have had in this current set? Which one was positive?

[Arrabella 1]

Hsv1 was positive, hsv2 was negative

[Arrabella 1]

But i was swabbed inside my vagina 2 weeks ago with a urine sample & it was negative. Its very strange that this came on after i did stuff with my new guy. But is that even possible to get it from fingering? Like if he wiped his mouth & did it? Because he never gave me oral, the guy back in march did. 

Edited December 4, 2018 by Arrabella

[Arrabella 1]

The swab of my sore said i was positive, she had to break one 

[WilsoInAus 2,327]

Hey @Arrabella it may seem confusing just now but with a few more facts there may be more answers.

The HSV-1 test was IgG blood test?

[Arrabella 1]

Nah the hsv test was a swab of my sore, but i also did a urine one that must have come back positive too

[WilsoInAus 2,327]

Unlikely that urine is tested for HSV in Australia.

Do you have a printout of the exact test you had, typing swabs is also not the norm in Australia. They normally do a culture and give you your result as positive for HSV within 2-3 days.

[Arrabella 1]

Yeah i have a paper the doctot gave me after she told me . A culture as in a blood test? The new guy is getting tested today hopefully for herpes, because i wanna know if its from him although i didnt tell him he said hes okay with getting tested. What test should he get from the doctor? 

[WilsoInAus 2,327]

No a culture is from a swab using a cotton tip device usually. This is smeared into a plate of cells that enables any HSV to proliferate.

What does the test result say exactly? Does it describe what the test is? I’ve checked the Douglas Hanly Moir information and it does look like PCR tests now dominate.

Your partner asks for a pathology form, blood draw and testing for IgG antibodies type specific for HSV-1 and HSV-2.

[Arrabella 1]

It doesnt say what the test is all it says is 

herpes simplex type 1: detected

herpes simplex 2: not detected 

Varicella zoster virus: not detected. 

[WilsoInAus 2,327]

That’s almost certainly a PCR test that is the gold standard for diagnosis. 

[Arrabella 1]

Yeah, so do you think its possible the new guy gave me it somehow? Im starting to think no as he didnt give me oral sex. 

[WilsoInAus 2,327]

The smoking gun rule applies as much for herpes as anything meaning your partner whom you had sex with a few days before a first known outbreak is almost always the source.

Your situation does give pause though in terms of thee possibly been a primary infection previously.

The odds of an asympromatic primary HSV-1 infection genitally are very low though. Although you may not have aligned it to herpes. was there a time when you had what you thought was a bad irritation, UTI or yeast infection that went away after a week?

Edited December 5, 2018 by WilsoInAus

[Arrabella 1]

Could it still be him even though it was protected? Yes, i did have thrush & bacterial vaginosis after seeing the first guy. Got a swab and urine test for those + when i did get tested for herpes a couple weeks ago my doctor also checked me for “mycoplasma genitalium” & that came back positive. & that is a sexually transmitted infection, so ive had that since march seeing as this was before i did stuff with my new guy. The doctors mustst have checked me for that previously. 

[WilsoInAus 2,327]

There are a good 20+ mycoplasma bacteria (that scientists are aware of) that may cause problems for people. It is very common to pick up some of these.

It all seems a 50/50 call as to whether the herpes is recent or from earlier on this year. You'd have thought you may have been tested for herpes before, but who knows. Perhaps a but of time had elapsed in getting to the doctor that meant herpes was not detected.

Either way, it is only important to look forward. If your new partner tests negative, then at last you'll know it wasn't him as the source. If he is positive for HSV-1, this won't prove he infected you as it is so common, but at least it will give you both confidence being concordant to proceed as you were!

[Arrabella 1]

What if he does get tested & it comes back negative but he actually does have it? If he doesnt, im so scared to tell him. I feel as if he might run off & that would kill me. Also, because i have hsv1 on the genitals, does that mean im fine to kiss & give oral sex to him because the infection is on my genitals? I havent had any sores on my lips

[WilsoInAus 2,327]

If he's testing for herpes and sharing the results, then you need to do the same. This might seem harsh, but if he is unable to cope with this minor issue, it isn't a great sign for dealing with something actually challenging in life. Would this be the sort of man you'd see as a partner? On the up side, if all is on the table and maturely handled, geez that's a good foundation for the relationship. Give him a chance to shine, I feel he will.

It is very likely that without lip issues your HSV-1 is limited to the genital region. Hence kissing and giving oral is no risk.

Edited December 5, 2018 by WilsoInAus

[Arrabella 1]

It gives me hope because ive tested him about it. I told him a story of a friend of mine & i said what if i had it would you stay with me & he said yes, i said why? He answered “because i like you alot” but you never know when it actually happens. How do i have kids when i have this though? Like will he have to take the risk once when im fertile to have kids?  Im still processing this in my mind

[WilsoInAus 2,327]

Herpes and childbirth is a very low priority issue for gynos. 1 in 10 natural births are to mothers with genital herpes. Antivirals and even c-sections dramatically reduce or eliminate infection chances.